utah fall take two, and some random ramblings.

despite our brittle bones around here, this summer was one of my busiest yet! it was so great to spend almost every single day out and about (i can count on one hand the number of days we stayed home), bending to all of our whims, bringing picnic lunches everywhere we went, spending at least 2 days by the pool every week, living life completely on our own schedule and on our own terms. so great.
if you know me though, you know fall is my favorite. this second fall in utah, while less painful than last, makes me ache for new england and the city. i miss driving down the meritt parkway and being covered in a canopy of red, orange, and gold. i miss being surrounded by masses of leaves and the smell of leaf piles mixed with that cool weather smell of burning furnaces in the air. i miss hidden apple orchards in the country complete with a perfect, free-growing pumpkin patch.
there is a field of short apple trees on a huge busy street near my house here, i saw some people there picking apples next to a busy street and about cried. that's not how fall is supposed to be! it was so wrong! everyone tells me i'll find fall up in the mountains, but i drove through big cottonwood canyon the other day all the way up to snowbird and all i saw was masses of dry, brown scrub oak. i can't stand it. i'm giving the mountains one more chance today and heading up to my mom's through guardsman pass, but if it disappoints i'm going to be so sad.
on a more positive note, though; some great things about fall starting, besides my consistent lighting of my favorite fall yankee candle, are some changes in bea's schedule. she's finally started preschool and LOVES it! she already has a best friend and looks forward to going every tuesday and thursday. she goes to dance class on monday and seems to like it very much. it's been a little clunky being on a schedule instead of just packing up and going somewhere any time we want but i think it's been good for us. schedules are getting easier. i've finally gotten in gear and have gotten on top of house work. i used to be so scared of house work because i would try and knock it all out on saturday and i became very weary and overwhelmed, but i found a great schedule for cleaning through the week on pinterest, and it's really improved the atmosphere of our home. we start each day with our cleaning chores after breakfast and it really sets the tone for our day. we throw on some happy music and dance through our chores. it's fun. and it's teaching bea how to do housework (she loves to help dust and mop). i've even managed to stay on top of dishes, which if you know me, you know that that is completely insane. there's almost no dishes for bradley to help with when he gets home because everything is already in the dishwasher! (he used to be our resident dish-doer when i was pregnant/dealing with new baby stuff).
and, while our house is still a glaring yellow, we are almost ready to get it painted which will also GREATLY improve our time at home. sometimes that yellow stares me down so hard i feel like i'm going to break. after we paint i'm not sure what we'll do next, either the floors or get to work putting drywall up in the basement. sky's the limit.
bradley gets his brace off in just a couple weeks and has been doing physical therapy for a few weeks. we were even able to hang our curtains, change some light bulbs together on our high ceilings and program our garage door opener with my car! i can't believe we are finally knocking out some of our honey-dos that have been sitting on the back burner since may!
also, since we're in this house for the long haul, i finally feel like actually decorating! i haven't put anything on the walls yet since we are just going to paint soon anyway, but i've been putting up some halloween decorations and it makes everything feel so much more homey and festive. desert climate be damned, i am going to fake it til i make it!
OH and another great thing about fall! CONFERENCE! one of my besties got me SWEET tickets to the women's meeting and we went with her sister, another friend, and my mom and sister and it was just spectacular. it was the best women's meeting since we started combining with the senior primary and YW girls. every single talk was riveting and when it ended i was like "wait! it's over? we haven't heard the boring one yet! that went by so quickly!" Sister Stephens's talk about the atonement brought such peace to my soul that i cried like a baby. it was magnificent. after the meeting we went out for dinner at a little french restaurant and just had the best time swapping stories (and desserts!) and sharing memories we had from growing up together in texas. i am so glad i'm able to live close to some childhood friends (really, like family) and to live in utah where i can attend conference in person. the spirit there was so amazing.
and another thing: this is related, i promise, i read a book this month for one of my book clubs about a woman who escaped the Warren Jeffs FLDS polygamist community to live life as normal member of society with her 8 children. it was fascinating and it got me thinking. these people truly believed what they were preaching. they believed that the complete oppression of wives and children at the hands of their husbands was the noble will of god, and that their revelations of who should marry who came from god. i could go on and on about the brainwashing there but i wondered, how do we differentiate? how is our belief in god true, how can we stand by our convictions and know we are right, while these other people in this other community also believe everything they are being taught is right? they claim to have "revelations" all the time, how are those set apart from what we believe to be true? i was having this conversation with brad the other day and he said, very matter of factly, "well by their fruits right? what kind of god would teach oppression and abuse and oppose free thought?" and he was definitely right. i felt like a dummy for even wondering. the woman who wrote the book very frequently said, that she and many other women in the community, had so many gut feelings that told them "this is wrong" but they were so brainwashed they shoved those thoughts away to do instead what their leaders were forcing them to do. they got physically abused if they voiced those opinions. what those women were feeling was the spirit! the spirit was telling them "this is wrong. this is not the way things should be." the spirit was in direct conflict with what the evil men of the FLDS church were preaching. whenever we listen to the prophet speak, or read the scriptures, our gut tells us, i don't care who you are or what you believe, that it's right. that god is a loving being who would NEVER stand for what goes on in those communities. the teachings of our modern day prophets and the scriptures only testify of doing good, loving others, and the granting of personal agency from a loving father who would never force or oppress.
i felt the truth of the gospel so strongly at the meeting on saturday night. it's not because i'm brainwashed into believing the teachings of the church. believing blindly what someone says isn't the point of the gospel, it never has been. we listen to them, but more importantly we listen to the spirit. when they speak to us, our gut will never tell us "this is wrong. this isn't how it's supposed to be". i can't wait to see what the rest of conference this weekend has to bring! we'll be spending it in idaho with my brother and sister and parents and it will just be great, i know it! i'll do everything i can to spiritually prepare! our primary program was on sunday, and my class (the 5 year olds) did a great job. and it was everything i could do not the break down and cry listening to them sing the songs. my favorite one from this year was "gethsemane" here are the words:

Jesus climbed the hill
To the garden still
His steps were heavy and slow
Love and a prayer
Took Him there
To the place only He could go

Gethsemane
Jesus loves me
So He went willingly
To Gethsemane

He felt all that was sad, wicked or bad
All the pain we would ever know
While His friends were asleep
He fought to keep
His promise made long ago

Gethsemane
Jesus loves me
So He went willingly
To Gethsemane

The hardest thing That ever was done
The greatest pain that ever was known
The biggest battle that ever was won
This was done by Jesus.
The fight was won by Jesus.

Gethsemane
Jesus loves me
So he gave His gift to me
In Gethsemane

Gethsemane
Jesus loves me
So he gives His gift to me
From Gethsemane


There's something about listening to children singing songs about christ that seriously makes it impossible for me not to weep like a baby. i had that song stuck in my head this morning and sang it with bea as i did the dishes and it set the tone for our home for the rest of the day! (even oliver joined in. the only song he knows is the "ahhhhh" part from ariel, but he sings it with us every time we sing a song. my love for that boy knows no bounds.) i love the gospel and all the joy it brings to my life!! i can't wait for conference!!!!!!!!!!

also if you made it this far, congratulations. leave your address and i will send you your medal

some spring thoughts

conference was this weekend, and my whole family got together to watch it at my parents' house for all 4 sessions; we had a great weekend full of hugs, laughs, good food, and good company. there was a lot of child-wrangling though, and i'm afraid i didn't get as much out of conference as i usually do. instead of ending the weekend spiritually energized, i actually felt pretty tired from trying to keep a 3 year old under control and a 9 month old happy for 8 almost consecutive hours. i had a great weekend for sure, but it took a lot out of me. seeing the spring blossoms in temple square made me really miss new england. i know i say that all the time and i'm like a really annoying broken record, but hear me out.

we drove home from midway through provo canyon with the sunroof down and my classical playlist on and the kids fell asleep, and bradley and i just had some time to ourselves; and watching the early evening sun shine through the hills of the canyon was pretty spectacular. i love driving, especially when it's quiet and i can enjoy my surroundings and truly appreciate what nature has to offer. when i got home, after we got the kids in bed, i felt like a long hot shower, to unwind, and when i got out, the light through my bathroom window was gorgeous. i'm a sucker for golden-hour light. huge sucker. i love how in the summer, it's still light for several hours after the kids go to bed. it's quiet and beautiful out and you can take it in without being pulled in a million different directions. the sun is hanging low over the mountains right now, my windows are open, the golden-hour light is streaming through the sheer of the drapes, birds are singing outside, punctuated only by the sound of the breeze and the occasional car, and there's even a blossoming tree or two out there. the beauty here is different but i'm finally appreciating it can be just as good. almost. ; )

where i'm at

i recently wrote a post for my other blog about blooming where you're planted, enjoying the now, not longing for the past, etc etc etc.

you guys. that is so much easier said than done.
we live in utah. and it's very real to me now. i'm nearly out of the woods and fog of my crippling PPD and i'm coming a little more alive, and aware of my surroundings. and i'm realizing this trip to utah isn't a trip. it's permanent. and i'm never going back to the thick forest or back to the beach or new york, or my hip apartment in my cute little nautical connecticut town; not for good anyway. i'm in utah now, there's no beach for hundreds of miles, and i'll likely not be surrounded by thick, moss covered forests for a very long time. i didn't realize "biome awareness" would be such a shock for me but it's hitting me hard.

don't get me wrong, i absolutely do not hate utah. it's great, and it has its charms. the sunsets are unreal. the moonrises over the mountains are breathtaking. the summer breezes of dry desert air give me all the feels. going to my mom's house and being tucked away in the mountains is such a luxury. plus! we have the greatest snow on earth here!
we are in a good place; brad's happier at work than he's ever been, i'm happier with our work/life balance than i've ever been. we have free healthcare. i'm very happy with the convenient lifestyle we enjoy here. i love being close to my family more than i can say. life really is so, so good to us. i shouldn't complain. but i was watching house hunters today during the kids' naps and seeing both the beach and homes in the deep, dark woods literally brought tears to my eyes. i miss it. and i miss my new york city security blanket. i ache for it whenever i'm away. the fact that that season of our lives is over sometimes gives me a knot in my stomach.

i'm such a hypocrite you guys. i promised myself i'd start acclimating sooner. i promised i would open myself to new experiences, dive in to social life, appreciate my surroundings sooner. i promised i wouldn't dwell on the past. but i'm not doing a great job. the ppd made me extremely antisocial, and i haven't been taking advantage of the mountains like i should. maybe winter is just getting to me. i always have a super shut-down during winter. but since i was so antisocial for so long, i'm enduring the winter mostly alone, with a hint of social anxiety.

it's a new year, and even though this is a little late, i'm going to resolve to find a way to love utah's mountains like i love the east coast. and hopefully learn how to be social again.

it's gonna be tough, but i'll pull up my boot straps, grab a diet coke and a cookie as soon as the confounded whole 30 business is over with, and try to dive in. i can do hard things! i'm gonna do it!

would you check out those low hanging clouds?! so cool

best snow on earth here, yall

picture does not do it justice. really.

dat sunset doe

walkin in a winter wonderland

ok does anyone else think it's weird that i have such a horrible relationship with snow but like EVERYWHERE I MOVE (and i move a lot) there is like the winter from hell the very winter i get there?!

1) Philadelphia - I get there in June, record breaking snowfall the following December
2) Connecticut - I get there in July, record breaking snowfall the following January
3) Utah - I get there in May, 2 feet of snow after a single storm in December

like what is going on here?

except you know what, i am actually starting to kind of enjoy it a teensy bit. maybe because utah has the best snow on earth, or because the sunshine comes out after it's done here, or because i have an attached garage, or because i have a yard and ski clothes and a toddler to play with in the snow, or because when it's 35 degrees here, a coat will actually keep you warm, or i don't even know. i'm drinkin the kool-aid.

another thing about utah is, i like to ski, so i'm excited when it snows because that means i can ski and spend time in the pretty mountains and then retire to my mom's house after. i mean that makes the snow a little more bearable. i'm excited to put bea in her first ski lesson once she turns 3. PLUS shoveling your sidewalk and driveway is a killer workout and a lot more fun than going to the gym. i like snow shoveling. #weirdo

so i think i'm starting to form this new relationship with winter that could really be the start of a new thing. and i love that we just got dumped on just in time for christmas! this white christmas is going to be so magical. the midway ice castle didn't even happen last year because it was so warm all winter, and the ski resorts lost a ton of money, so this winter is going to be a bit nicer that way. i am excited to go to the ice castle again, it's pretty epic.

OH ANOTHER THING! bea has decided she knows spanish now and it's hilarious. one of my favorite christmas songs is in spanish, mi burrito sabanero, which is basically about a little shepherd boy and his little donkey that are on their way to bethlehem to see jesus and it's really adorable because they always get a little boy to sing it and yeah anyway it's very adorable. so we listen to it here and there during christmas and then bea comes up to be today and is like "jeejo jeejo leelo la lee lo! mom that's jingle bells in spanish!" very cute. she has been doing that with several christmas songs lately.

OH YEAH! her ballet recital was on saturday!! holllly cannoli people it was adorable. so bea is in a 3-4 class even though she is only 2. she turns 3 in january. except she is really good at following directions and in the 2 class all the kids are like running around or licking the mirror or climbing on the barre SO they told bea to join the older class. she had been working SO HARD on getting her moves right. they were a little above her motor skill capability since she is so young for the class but she tries really hard to do them because she wants to follow directions. at her last recital in may, she got so distracted by being on stage and got all excited and ran up to bradley and waved at his camera shouting "I'M DANCING DAD!!!" so we didn't know what to expect with this one. she didn't disappoint. in class she had been doing the whole dance pretty well but on stage she was so focused on getting that one move right, and keeping her little hat on her head, that she got a little lost in the dance. BUT IT WAS SO CUTE! she had so much fun up there. and after her number she had even more fun dancing in the aisles to all the other songs. she loves to dance, i hope this is something she continues to love as she gets older. here is the video of her recital! she is in the middle. she cracks me up.

ALSO you guys i think oliver needs a helmet. his poor little head is so lopsided from his torticollis and it is painfully noticeable. let's just pray insurance covers it! he is still soooooo enchanted with bea. he gives her his biggest belly laughs, follows her with his eyes wherever she goes and always kicks and squeals when she plays with him. it's too cute. he is also 20 pounds. at thanksgiving both of brad's grandmas were there and we offered to let them hold him and they were both like....ehhhhh we'll pass. hahaha he is a chunk. he is already snug in 12 month clothes!!!!!!! and he eats every 2 hours, a 6-8 oz bottle too! this kid man. he is roly poly ollie. but i love it. even if my arms fall asleep after holding him. it's nice that he can hold his own bottle now though! he likes to be in control anyway. we've started solids with him and he LOVES it! we let him hold a spoon while we feed him so he can get a good feel for it early, and he can guide it to his mouth pretty well but once he realizes there's no food on it, he chucks it at us for pulling one over on him. it's super funny. he is my favorite little butterball.

snow.

it was the first snow today. just a flurry, but still. snow. if you know me at all you know that i have a love/hate relationship {ok, ok, more like a hate/hate relationship} with snow. but something about this little flurry felt different.
we've turned a corner with oliver and with me. ollie is becoming so much easier. he no longer hates the car, he is finally starting to throw up less, and with the introduction of his new exersaucer, he is finally starting to need to be entertained by us less and play on his own. he's started laughing. bea is his number one source of entertainment. he is a happy baby. he still needs his attention, i'm bouncing his bouncer with my foot as i'm writing this, but as long as he gets some love, he really is a happy dude. his smiles are always big and open mouthed. his joy for life is really starting to shine through and it's contagious. we have a routine with him now as he's gotten older and on more of a schedule with 9/noon/3 naptimes. i've started to see a new doctor for my PPD. he's rearranged my treatment and we are finally starting to feel a lift. it's slowly edging it's way out. the bad days are fewer and farther between.
seasons are changing. the snow outside is mirroring the change in my life. it's giving me hope for a new chapter, a new season. things are getting better. it's giving me hope.
the snow was so beautiful to me today, i decided to drive up to the mountains to my mom's to enjoy it more fully. i plopped up my fluffy second-day hair, ignored the splotchy skin on my face that's a result of the new meds, piled the kids in the car, threw on an old playlist from high school, and started the drive. the hour drive up there is always pleasant, since i love drives, bea loves being in the car, and ollie will finally nap in his carseat.
bea played with a happy meal toy in the backseat, oliver slept, and i listened to music. it took me back to a time when i really knew who i was. pleasant memories of the person i used to be, of loud live music, dancing, purple hair, filmmaking, friends, and just the general joie de vivre i had for life. it reminded me that i am that person. i'm in there somewhere. i'll be that person again. i know that now. i'm getting closer. i see it all in the snow. i'm ready for something different. for a new season. the snow gives me hope.
i could never understand how lorelai gilmore could love the first snow so much. it was just baffling to me. but i think i'm starting to understand. it's not really about the snow. it's about the renewal and the start of something new.
i'm by the window, watching the snow quietly dust the mountains and i feel peace. i'm putting the pain of the past seasons behind me and watching the world bring me something new, and i am grateful. i'm grateful for the snow.

spooky!

we had such a fun weekend! bea is quickly getting more and more into this halloween business. we found some old orange and black decorative lights in the closet, we call them the "spooky lights", and bea asks me to turn them on every single day. when i turn them on she points and yells "FOOOOKY!!!!!" we haven't mastered the "sp-" sound yet. i'll try and get her to say "ssssssss-pooky!" and she goes "sssssss-FOOKY!!!!" it is very cute. so, after the spooky lights, she has been busy pointing at any other thing that can be considered spooky. at the trunk or treat on friday, she had a blast pointing out all the spooky stuff! some of it though, was a little much, and when we would get too close she just hid her face in my knees and said "no! noooo!!!!!" baby girl knows her limits.

we made bea frida kahlo for halloween. i knew not everyone would get it, but i knew it would be very funny to the people who did. i was right. about 60% got it and 40% didn't but the people who got it LOVED it! they asked for pictures and just gushed about how cute and funny she was. it was great because bea is usually a very cheery and smiley child but for some reason the night of the trunk or treat, she got really solemn and was very stone-faced the whole evening. it was PERFECT! she very much looked the part. she loved saying "trick or treat!" ("trickey beet!") at all the cars and was very excited to use her happy meal halloween bucket. she was even more excited when people started putting candy in it. she was a pro by the end of the night, picking the pieces up herself and putting them into her bucket. it was a great night. both of the wards we've lived in here were combined at the trunk or treat this year so it was a lot of fun for us in particular because we knew most of the people handing out candy. it was nice to be among so many friends (:

striking a serious pose

rocking the unibrow

very serious.

the next day was GORGEOUS and it was our first free saturday in AGES, so we seized the opportunity to finally go apple picking! it was a lot of fun. as opposed to all of the other times we had planned to go, we actually went without anyone else. i feel like a lot of the time we feel like we need to invite people to go places or be extra social but it was actually really nice to just have some family time just the three of us. bea loved picking out a "spooky pumpkin" ("fooky pungin!!") and had a great time picking apples. apples are one of her favorite foods so it was sweet to see her get excited about picking them. after we finished up at the orchard we went to the market part of the orchard where there was hot apple crisp, pony rides, and a carriage ride around the old farm community. we decided to just let her watch the pony rides and take the carriage ride instead. she got to sit right up front close to the horses and had a lot of fun watching them trot.

lyman orchards is SO beautiful!

almost there

finally got it!

the only one of these shots where they are both looking at the camera!

this is the stuff of postcards! no filter ya'll!

trying to sit on a pumpkin. 

she couldn't figure it out there, but now that we have pumpkins at home she sits on them all the time.

try as we might, we could just not get a great picture of her in the pumpkin patch!

our final picks. mine is the round big one, brad's is the taller thinner one, and bea's is the small one in front. good looking pumpkins if i do say so myself.

so. as you can see. fun weekend. today was stake conference and she was like.....really really good. it was a little scary how good she was. this whole week has just been a little magical. bea has slept past 8:45 each morning and been amazingly pleasant during the days and went down for her naps without complaint (which she actually always does but given that she woke up so late every day, i was a little surprised). i'm hoping this next week brings some of the same good fortune. i can't wait til halloween on friday when we can take her trick or treating for real! october has been such a sweet month for us, i'm sad that it's almost over but excited to see what next month brings!

The Norwalk Oyster Festival

i benefited from someone else's misfortune this week. bradley was sick on thursday and friday so he worked from home both days, and i absolutely LOVED having him home! since monday was labor day, bradley was only in the city 2 days this week, so we kind of capitalized on his presence with early dinners, long lunch breaks, and bea making frequent check-ins on daddy. i hope he works from home for good someday, he actually gets a lot done, and we are pretty good at leaving him alone to work for the most part (despite bea running into the room just to make sure he's there every so often). even though we let him work all day, it's just nice to all be in the same place at the same time.

anyway. since bea and i didn't leave the house much thursday or friday, and bradley was home both of those days, we all woke up this morning prettttty stir crazy. it was time to get out. we remembered seeing a ton of carnival equipment being set up earlier this week and some signs for an "oyster festival" this weekend so we looked it up online and decided it would be the perfect saturday outing!
the fair grounds aren't far from our house (1.5 miles), and most of the parking listed online was about as far away with shuttle services to the grounds so we just thought it would make the most sense to walk. especially since parking was like 15 dollars. #nothanks
BUT YOU GUYS IT WAS SO HOT!!!!! i walk 3-4 miles everyday for my choice of exercise, so i love to walk but oh my goodness gracious this whole walk had ZERO shade and it was like a hundred million degrees and stiflingly humid. but we made it there alive. and noticed a lot of street parking along the way. BUT OH WELL!
there was no shade once we got there either so our first order of business was to find a tent somewhere. and we did. under which was a MINI CIRCUS! with a show that started in just 5 minutes!!!

i've never been to a little rinky dink circus before and i'll tell you it was super cute and a little bizarre. bea was pretty enthralled at first but then the music made her a little scared. i know on instagram i totally blamed the crying on the clowns buttttt i lied. she was crying because the russian stunt performing family had loud weird music.

 and then was still crying when the clown came on. and then she got over it and wandered around and before i knew it she was on the little stage and i had to run and get her. so that was fun. anyway the little circus was cute, there was this little russian couple that did outfit change stunts; the lady would like step into a hula hoop with a tinsel fringe shade around it and step out in a totally different outfit. and the outfits went from long to short and then to long again so i really have no idea how she did it. it was really interesting to watch them, they were so proud of their craft and i just really appreciated it. it was interesting to think of what a life as a russian circus performer in america would be like. i'd love to learn more about it. they just looked like they absolutely loved what they were doing. where did they learn to do it? was it a family tradition? were their parents also circus performers? so many questions.
anyway, besides them there was a clown and then there was a canadian 12 year old boy who did some crazy balancing stuff with a great deal of flair (i really do admire circus workers for the pride they show in their work!) and then the russians did some hula hoop stunts and that was basically it. it didn't last long but being in the shade was reallllllly nice.
we then decided to get some tickets to go on a ride or 2 with bea. if you wanted to accompany a toddler on a ride you had to get your own ticket which i thought was kind of stupid so we only went on the carousel and the tilt-o-whirl but it was still fun.

this is the closest i could get her to smiling. she was just SOOO HOTTTT! she really was a champ. and she kept saying "neigh! neigh!"

if you can believe it, it was hotter inside that thing than outside. but she got a real kick out of  it! i'm glad bradley took so many pictures because i couldn't see her face while we were on the ride!

she looks pretty chill but i'm telling you guys, she was THRILLED. i mean it.

we walked around for a bit in between to check out the booths and stuff but seriously it was just so hot we were DYING! there was literally no shade except for that circus tent and a craft beer tasting tent (so, no.)

the universe must have sensed i was really missing philly this week! it brought me a rita's!

when we just couldn't take the heat anymore we decided to take the lonnnnnnng, hot walk back home. luckily, we passed the splash pad on the way. i wanted bea to get wet so she would cool down, she was so hot and sweaty it was kind of breaking my heart. so i picked her up and ran under one of the spouts with her (IT FELT SO NICE!) but she hated it and freaked out, as per usual at the splash pad, but i wasn't about to give up on such a hot day. so we just kind of sat there and watched her until she finally decided to get wet (which is a big deal for her, she NEVER likes to get wet at the splash pad). she ended up getting nice and soaked, and played in the water for quite a while.

mostly i got pics from behind because THOSE LITTLE BUNS, AMIRIGHT?! she actually let me do her hair today!

we had to drag her away, and she whined the whole way home. luckily though, there was no meltdown of mass proportions. which surprised me, even though it shouldn't have. bea is really great about not having epic, public meltdowns. maybe she is just still too young for them but even on days like today where we skip a nap, she keeps it together. the only meltdown bea usually has is at breakfast when she can see her bread before i put it in the toaster and freaks out because she wants toast NOW or when she sees me making oatmeal because, you know, NOW. i'm sure if i just fed her before she was absolutely starving in the morning she wouldn't do that. or maybe she would. i don't know. but that's really the only part of the day she ever freaks out. the rest of the time she is really easy going, which i always take for granted and really shouldn't. i don't realize how great she is on outings until i see other kids her age and realize she's the only one keeping her cool for the most part. meltdowns may come later or they might not, who knows. maybe they just aren't our thing to deal with. maybe our thing will just be the bully issue (seriously that girl is so dang bossy! we are working on this).
anyway, we finally got home, got her in the bath, got showers ourselves (so. much. sweat.), had a late lunch, and then enjoyed an epic thunderstorm that BARELY missed us from the comfort of our own air conditioned home.
would i go to the oyster festival again? i don't know. probably not, to be honest. it was 13 bucks a head (we didn't have to pay for bea because she is under 2, but we would have to next time), and then rides were like 2.50 a head minimum (standard, but when you're already paying to get in, it just seemed like a lot), and there just really wasn't much to do. maybe if you're more into craft beers, wine tastings, oysters, and maritime things it would be for you, but i am not into any of those things so it just wasn't the event for us i guess. but we still had an ok time. it beat hanging around the house for another whole day! and it got bea hot enough to finally play in some water! so it was all in all a success. even if i got the world's WEIRDEST tshirt tan. i was wearing a white and navy striped v neck shirt. #zebratan
being a parent really is great. watching bea have fun is seriously so much more fun than doing something fun for myself. i'm so excited for the stage she's in and that she's learning to do so many more things, i love watching her grow.

dante's inferno (or, the winter that lasted forever).

i haven't blogged much at all lately, partially because i've hit what some people call a rut but what i love to call "stability." ever since we moved to our new apartment and settled in back in december, aside from holiday travels and such, it's really been more of the same. i like it that way though. some people like to constantly mix it up but i'm happy to have a solid consistent routine. the only downside of the routine we've had the past few months (and it's a big one) has been the whole horrid winter aspect of everything. i can safely say this has been the worst winter of my entire life. before, there was the snowpocalypse of 2011 that held the title but this winter, which we easterners  have affectionately named snowmageddon, takes the cake. it has been the second snowiest winter in the history of philadelphia. i hate snow. words really can't describe how much i hate snow. i hate being cold, i hate being wet, i hate staying inside. so combine that with trying to keep a one year old (who is also stuck inside and stir crazy) happy and you've got a pretty nasty few months. but i think we made the best of it that we could. we got a children's museum pass, mommy got a gym pass, i got out the happy light, and we basically just hunkered down from december until, well, now i guess. except we still can't get out much. for every nice "spring day" we've had so far, we've had 5 or 6 miserably cold or snowy days. we're not out of it yet. i used to look at the crocuses blooming in our yard as a sign of hope but now they just mock me. "see? it's spring!" they say, and then i go outside and it's 20 degrees, and oh look it's starting to snow! it's like a really mean joke. i spent all of february looking forward to march but it was all for naught. it's still horrid outside. i think we're in for one more week of it and then maybe, JUST maybe, it will stay above 40 for good. i don't know exactly why dante's inferno is always associated with fire and burning. the innermost circle of hell according to dante is actually solid ice. and i would totally have to agree with that.

to avoid completely erring on the side of negativity, as i often do in the winter time, i will say that i've made some great friends in philly who have suffered through the winter with me. there's something about the cold (and hatred thereof) that just brings people together. also, the past few months watching my own personal ray of sunshine morph from infant to toddler have been splendid. she started walking in february and now runs pretty much everywhere, which results in a lot of falling and a lot of bruises, but she doesn't seem to mind. she can say several words in sign language and has recently figured out that nodding means "yes!" she loves reading books and still dances to anything from hold music to movie credits to me just tapping my hands on the table. that girl's got the moves. she still can't seem to finish a meal without sticking her foot on the table. can't say why. she does this hilarious little look-over-the-shoulder shrug when she thinks she's being cute. she loves to facetime with grandma. she loves it when daddy comes home. she has this new thing where she grabs your clothes and pulls you in for a kiss. it is A-D-O-R-A-B-L-E. she FINALLY sleeps in a big girl crib (if i ever feel like telling the saga of the crib maybe i will) and loves it. she plays with her toys in her crib every morning for like an hour and if i come in to get her she dodges me and crawls to the corner of the crib and points to the toys she's thrown on the floor so i can pick them up so she can resume whatever game she is playing. i love that her imagination is so elaborate. i can hear her through her monitor every morning jabbering and giving what i thought were her stuffed animals kisses until one day i went in and caught her and she was actually kissing her blanket. i about died laughing. she loves her little swaddle blankets. i like that the blankets we used to wrap her up in are now the blankets she likes to snuggle with. it makes me feel like she is still that teeny baby who loved to be snuggled up like a burrito.

bradley works a lot, and i love that about him. but it makes me feel a little bit lazy. because he also helps out around the house a lot. so most of our evenings, after bea goes to bed, while he is working, our housework is essentially done and, if it's not a gym night, i really have a lot of free time. so i decided to put some of my tv watching to good use and pick up knitting again like i did back in the dorm days for service hours. i forgot how hilariously bad at knitting i am. like terrible. i was imagining myself knitting the cutest ever infinity scarf and making a few for abby when she goes on her mission..... and then it took me like 3 hours to re-master the basic knit stitch, and you can forget any other kind of stitches, and also i somehow keep accidentally adding rows to it so it just grows into this cancerous yarn mass. i bound it up and took it off the needles and bradley and i cracked up. it looks like a tank top for a homeless troll. i told bradley i would give it to a house elf for his freedom and bradley asked me if it really counted as clothes. so there's that. i'm going to keep practicing and see where it takes me. maybe i'll have that scarf by next winter.

we are really. trying. to like philadelphia. i'll be honest, it's a struggle. we absolutely love the people we have met here. we love our duplex/apartment, we love our neighborhood and how we're surrounded by the park. look:

we are in that little pocket of streets in the middle of all that greenery. it really is gorgeous, even in the winter. and that park continues all the way up (and down), the entire length of the river.

i consider that park my backyard. there are endless hiking trails and a paved bike trail that leads 7 miles all the way to the art museum in downtown philly. that, i love. and also, philadelphia has great food. but as far as cities go, it is not my favorite. while our friends are great, the people you meet on the street are undeniably grouchy. and this isn't just east-coast briskness. i've lived in new jersey and connecticut and worked in new york. i know east-coasters. and philadelphia has the meanest of the bunch. this also applies to its drivers. man oh man. it is filthy too. i can't understand why the biggest city in the country (my one and only new york. *wistful sigh*) can keep their streets so clean and why the 5th largest can't keep it together enough to get the freaking garbage out of the street. it is a riddle and a mystery. the colonial architecture is lovely and the downtown skyline is pretty but that is about 20% of philly. most of the rest is the eyesore that is urban sprawl, with the exception of several secret pretty neighborhoods like my own. the more i think about it, the more i probably realize that i don't love it simply because it's not new york. i should probably just get over it. i'll be back someday. which brings me to:

bradley is getting geared up to apply for grad schools this fall. there are several contenders, our favorite of which is a new cornell program that is a one year tech-focused MBA program in manhattan, which would be a dream come true. the others in the running are all out west, to bring us closer to family, whom we miss so very terribly. i hate living far away from my mom. i don't know how she did/does it (live far away from her mom, not me). maybe i'm just a baby. but i hate it. one day, once bradley is done with school, maybe we can get a little closer to our parents (who are both in utah now).

anyway. what was going to be a quick update turned out to be way longer than i'd expected. but that seems to be the way of the blog.

big and fat.

welllll here i am at 35 weeks! (i am now 36 weeks, i am just a slacker). and i am even bigger than that now! if by some miracle i feel cute someday soon i will snap my (hopefully!) last few bump shots before the little nugget arrives! 

christmas day, we (husband, parents, and siblings, minus 2) all went to go see les mis (which i enjoyed a lot, much to my surprise!), and i spent the second half of the {3 hour} movie in false labor with a strong, uncomfortable, and eventually painful, 1-2 minute long contraction wrapping from my back to my belly, every 3-5 minutes. this was a littttttle bit of a wake up call for me. baby girl will be full term in just a week! and even so, if she arrived now, there would likely be no complications! so, after my family ditched us on saturday for california, bradley and i decided now would be the time to pack a hospital bag. which warranted us a day at target! (to get fun little toiletries and stuff to make what will probably be very unpleasant a little more exciting!) AND we hit up the container store! both in one day! {what were we thinking?! so much temptation!} but we made it out without spending ALL of our life savings. i am proud.

our christmas was awesome, we did our first very own little christmas morning, just bradley and i, early christmas morning, where i gave bradley what i think was our favorite gift this year:

(there is a third monogrammed stocking in our collection as well, BUT we're not giving that name away just yet!)

we then headed over to mom and dad's for family gift giving and our traditional christmas day full of lazing about and movie-watching. this year we did a lot of blu-ray experimenting, primarily with star wars, on my parents' new LED tv. pretty epic. 

now, i'm taking it super duper easy and trying not to "exert myself" too much. so basically, this is the most guilt-free new year's twilight zone marathon i have ever experienced. (:

What fall leaves look like to me. and my 26 week old bump.

During the fall, I always wish I can whip my phone out whenever I drive around and just take videos of all the beautiful trees that are all over this lovely Connecticut town. But alas, phones are outlawed whilst driving here annnnnnnd I would also probably kill myself if I attempted driving/filming at the same time. I barely make it out alive just doing the driving part by itself most of the time. So, I snapped some shots at red lights today on the sly. And here's the thing. Every year when the leaves start to turn, I always get this association in my brain with the colors of the leaves and my favorite sugary snack. Yes. I am THAT obsessed with food. I think the early phases of fall leaves look EXACTLY like the Color by the Foot flavor or Fruit by the Foot. I will illustrate:

Article 1: Fruit by the Foot.

Article 1a: Some personal snapshots of Fruit by the Foot

Article 2: Some leaves outside my house

Juxtaposition. Now you tell me if those aren't the same color scheme!!!

Britney's mind is just as blown as yours!!!!!!!!!!! also....I made this GIF all by myself!!!!!!
#proudestmoment

I have wanted to tell someone that for a long time! And now it is finally off my chest! I just felt like I couldn't do it properly without the visual. I feel better.

Now for the bump pictures. Let me just say that I put off taking bump pictures as lonnnnnng as possible. I don't usually like taking pictures of myself and I HATE having pictures taken of me when it's just me. I feel like an absolute dork. But since I started taking le bump pics (around 20 weeks?) it's really helped me focus on the fun and positive parts of pregnancy. So even though I worry that it makes me look like an attention ho, I think I'll be glad I documented this time of my life somewhere down the line. So there we go. Here I am at almost 26 weeks:

I wish she would just get here already!!!!! I am so jealous when I see everyone holding their newborns in their arms!! 14 weeks is an eternity away!!!!! Childbirth classes start in a couple weeks, can't wait to see what that will be like.....yikes. That could make for some interesting blogging.....

Anyhoo! Bradley and I are now going to take our change from my recently emptied piggy bank and buy us up some moobies!!! (movies.) Our temple plans for the evening got de-railed tonight when rain/traffic made getting to the city a way longer ordeal than time would allow. Boo. Ah well. Next week. Ttfn! Ta ta for now!