how to write a YA hit

i love YA fiction just as much as {or more than.} the next person, but i think we all know....those books aren't exactly fountains of literary gold. and with all the reading i've done lately... i've begun to notice {and i'm sure you have too} the startling similarities between them all. and their subsequent success.

i think i've pegged the recipe for a YA fiction hit.

first off, before we even start, keep in mind, to write a hit YA story, it MUST be divided into 3 or more parts. no series, no sell. 

then, add 3 or more of the following:

1. a painfully annoying female teenage protagonist. red hair is a bonus.

2. a distant mother who just doesn't understand

3. a father who is the only one who truly "gets" female protagonist
4. absent parent(s) altogether

5. a setting in futuristic/post-apocalyptic united states with no real historical framework or explanations
6. fantastical/paranormal circumstances

7. corrupt government

8. a love triangle*
9. a law that makes having a relationship very complicated if not impossible (factions, castes, outlawing love, outlawing freedom to choose partner, vampire/werewolf relations etc.)
10. present-tense, first person narration

11. a gratuitous amount of teen angst
12. some form of mind-control
13. a resistance movement and impending revolution (note: should you choose to include this, something fishy MUST be going on with the existing resistance movement. the protagonist will have to figure out a new solution to the government problem once they discover said fishiness.)
14. adults with poor decision-making skills
15. a male love interest with a crooked smile
16. plenty of teenage boys running their hands through their hair when distressed

once you've added at least three of the previous items, it's time to begin writing. be careful to use only mediocre writing skills to compose your first installation. if you must write well, be sure that the story quality of one of your volumes suffers greatly to make up for all of your good writing.
in order to ensure that at least three installments are produced, be sure to draw out your installments as long as possible, even if it involves bizarre plot twists and unnecessary detail.

after your third installment, feel free to continue writing more sequels. however, if you choose to do so, either your writing or plot quality must consistently depreciate.

finally, rake in the money. adherence to this recipe for a YA is certain to bring success.

now get out there and write your novel. because it could be a hit. and...

*should you choose to employ the "love triangle," your trilogy must roughly read as follows:
part 1: both love interests are introduced, one obviously platonic, one potentially or already romantic
part 2: platonic interest also becomes romantic, most likely because of absence of romantic interest
part 3: protagonist makes and deals with her choice of the two interests. it must be uncomfortable.

inspiration for this post provided by:

 

 

  

 

and cue the pregnancy panic

thought i'd share a new girl quote with you people. that nick miller is a funny dude. i think my husband might even have a crush on him.

how's about this new christmas layout, right?! i know. those blog designer people are great. now i don't have to do any web-design nonsense.

i'm almost 32 weeks! (i'll post pics tomorrow. because....) my baby shower is tomorrow! so exciting! how lucky am i to have such great friends?! also...it's kindof cool because it's one of my bffintheworld's bridal shower tomorrow too. oh, universe, you never cease to amaze.

since i typically wake up in the middle of the night and lay awake for hours and hours these days, i spend a lot of unnecessary time panicking. like this:

"the ultra-sound technician said she's only 'as sure as she ever is' that it's a girl! what if that's not sure enough?! what if i told everyone it's a girl, and i have all this girl stuff, and a BOY comes out?! THEN WHAT WILL I DO?!"

now, in all seriousness, if a baby boy does exit my womb in 8 weeks instead of a girl i will be just as thrilled, but the poor thing will have nothing to wear that is not thoroughly embarrassing....except this one unisex jumper my sister got in paris. everything is 100% girl for the most part. and his pack n' play and his car seat and all of that business will be so girly! i'm pretty sure i have receipts for all of those things, but i don't know where they are! and when will i find the time to exchange everything? and again, THE CLOTHHEEESSS!!!!! and the BLANNKKIIEESSSS!!! *panic panic panic derp.*

i think all this late-pregnancy panic is prettttty normal, but it's a bit unnerving nonetheless.

on the bright side, i am to a point in the pregnancy where i am like 99% fear-free about labor and delivery. mostly because being pregnant forever would be way way way worse. being huge is not so fun-zo. rolling over in my bed is like an olympic sport! i can't fit through my hallway while carrying a laundry basket! i can't pick things up off the floor while i am sitting down! and many other things!

how does that woman on 20 kids and counting stay pregnant ALL THE TIME?! what an existence.

to be fair, for the most part, pregnancy agrees with me. as my dad said "You are like your mom. you have 'charmed pregnancies'. " and really he is mostly right. the only pervasive symptom i have is sleeplessness and exhaustion (due to sleeplessness and severe anemia! hoorah!) so i am getting my zombie practice in now; when the baby gets here, i will be so good at being a zombie, you won't even know that i am one! you'll just think that's how i am normally!
i only get occasional mild heart burn, i've thrown up a total of 3 times this entire pregnancy, i've had only 4 leg cramps in the middle of the night (i'd welcome more, just to spice things up tho! being awake in bed for hours is sooooo boring), and i've only gained 30 pounds. (granted, before the pregnancy, i was 10 lbs overweight. so there's that.)
i keep bracing myself for more unpleasantries, reminding myself that i still do, in theory, have 8 weeks left. to be honest though, i think she'll be here before 40 weeks. i feel like she really wants out! she moves like...95% of the day and night. her still-time is almost non-existent. that probably has nothing to do with anything but it makes me feel like she is restless and impatient in there. like she's anxious to get out and start learning things! i also have several BH contractions every day, for what that's worth.

in other news, i feel another book binge coming on!!!! starting the same way last year's did: the next installment (in this case, the final one) of the Matched series! i'm reading Reached right now, and after that will come the second book in the Eve trilogy, followed by the first book of the Selection series, then the next book in the Legend series, then the final Across the Universe installment, the final Delirium installment, and the final Divergent installment! wahoo for reading! i'll do another more in depth pre-book-binge post later.

now i have to go practice piano; i am playing for our ward's annual young men's christmas musical presentation. it's nice to have a reason to practice! since my parents got me my piano for my birthday (i know, they are great) i've been honing my skills again and i am getting better! almost as good as i was in high school! if i hadn't gotten my piano back in june, i wouldn't be good enough now to do all the playing i'll be doing this month. so i am very grateful.

well i wasn't planning on a long post today...guess i had more on my mind than i thought!
CAITY OUT!

Bump Pictures!!!! And Books! And a surprise at the end!

So here it is, the long awaited bump! I took it on Saturday just before walking to have brunch in town with the hubs. So yes, I know, I'm not showered or cute or blahblahblah. Who cares. The belly is what matters!

I know it doesn't look like much, but I feel HUGE! And the top picture is my actual shopping list from yesterday. The whole pickles and ice cream thing truly was a complete accident. I guess that's what's on the brain! (Beneath "total accident" it says "preggers, maybe?" just in case you were wondering...I wrote that for Bradley, who was my grocery store buddy yesterday.)
In other terrible food news, our ONLY Taco Bell within 15 miles randomly closed this week, much to my surprise and chagrin. We discovered this surprise yesterday, when baby girl decided she wanted to try one of those Doritos tacos (NO JUDGING HERE, OK?!), SO we had to trek 2 towns over to get to the nearest Taco Bell. Good news is, 17 hours later, I still feel like I ate a live animal that is clawing to get out of my stomach. Now I won't want Taco Bell probably for the rest of my life. Which is great, because, you know, I don't have one anymore.

Now I FINALLY am going to do my book post! Hooray!
So, last November...no wait let me start earlier...Ok so a long time ago (2 1/2 years?) I read the Hunger Games. (yes, yes I know, didn't we all). Loved it, 5 stars, yaddayaddayadda. Bottom line, I really wanted more dystopian books to settle my "Hunger Games Hangover" (a popular phrase these days throughout the interwebs, I hear). So, when my mom handed me a book she picked up at CostCo by some Mormon English teacher that happened to be a post-apocalyptic, dystopian novel, I was all:

The book, called Matched, has accumulated quite a few readers, and it's not a bad first effort. It's no Harry Potter or Hunger Games or anything, but it's fun and engaging and creates a really cool world.

 

Not to mention the cool cover art! So yeah, read that one shortly after the Hunger Games, and then went on a reading hiatus, as I often do when I just cannot find ANYTHING to read anymore for a while. Well of course, this book is simply part one of a trilogy, because apparently, you're only allowed to write trilogies anymore. So. Last November, part II came out!

 

Naturally, I re-read part I, then proceeded with caution to part II, which was an improvement on the first, and a really good time. Only problem: I was hungover again! I had POST-post-apocalyptic dystopian blues. I needed recommendations, stat! Sooooo I reactivated the goodreads account! (My profile is here, in case you're curious. That's where all my opinions and reviews/ratings are for all these books). Then, the binge began. I thought I'd share my list from my last reading binge because I found some real gems that I feel are worth sharing. I won't share more than a quick line and a star rating because that's what goodreads is for. Duh. I've tried to link the pics of the books to their goodreads page; hopefully it works. So, here is my last reading binge list (they are pretty much all dystopian unless I mention otherwise):

Loved this one!!! 5 Stars! DareIsay better than Hunger Games...? Optioned for a movie in 2015, so read, read, read!

Part II just came out in May (the last book of my binge):

4 1/2 stars. Just couldn't top the first one. 

Not a fan. 2 Stars. (Not dystopian or anything, btw.) A lot of people LOVE this book. I didn't like some of what it was trying to say about relationships.

Ok this one was really fun, and super quick. 4 stars. Next one comes out next year sometime.

 

LOVED this one! Almost as good as Divergent. So so so so so so good. 4 1/2 - 5 stars. Couldn't decide. Honestly, you MUST read this if you're into future-y books. It's great. And part II is already out!

Almost as good as the first, DEFINITELY worth the read. Part III due sometime next year. 3 1/2 - 4 stars.

Meh this one was ok. Some people REALLY like it but I wasn't crazy about the protagonist and I thought it read a little too much like a romance novel. Still, couldn't put it down! 3 stars. Part II comes out next month, not sure if I'll pick it up.

This was another "meh". It was action-packed and fun, and it was really short and quick, but some things about it just rubbed me the wrong way. 2 1/2. I wouldn't say it wasn't worth the read though. That said, I haven't picked up the second one.

The caboose of the "meh" train. Not my favorite. 2 stars. I didn't pick up the sequel to this one either.

Not a Beatles book!. It's about SPACE!!! And man oh man is it cool. It was a bit predictable, but I didn't care because it was just so much fun! And it did have some surprises. Couldn't decide between 3 and 4 stars. I picked up the second one IMMEDIATELY! I hope they do a movie of this one, it could be so neat.

Even better than the first. Great character development and world creating. 4 stars. Can't wait for part III next year!

I ran out of dystopian books/sequels to read so I dipped into regular YA fiction, and this book is an absolute treasure. I laughed, I cried, blahblahblah. Seriously though, this was so beautifully written. 4 1/2 stars; HIGHLY recommend this.

So! There you have it. My last book binge. I snuck some British Chick-Lit in there too (Little Lady Agency series? anyone? really cute books.) which was fun but not really relevant to my list. And of course I re-read the Hunger Games before the movie came out. My binge ended in May after I finished second installment of Divergent and my job got time-consuming enough that I didn't have time to read books I wasn't crazy about. I have yet to find a book since this list that I've been like "OOO I need to read this!" So, if you have any recommendations, please-oh-please leave them in the comments! Lucky for me, the next installment of Matched comes out this November, and then a slew of part IIs or IIIs are due for release, so another binge is in order here pretty soon. Annnnyyyywwwaaayyyy. I know this post was super-long, sorry, but I always like to know what my friends have been reading so I figured I'd share. Golden rule!
Until next time, enjoy this picture (linked to story) of the new and improved Furby toy released this past weekend; it's sure to freak you out even more than the first Furby.

note the new, creepy, pixelized, all-seeing eyes.

Ta-ta, my lovelies!