how to write a YA hit

i love YA fiction just as much as {or more than.} the next person, but i think we all know....those books aren't exactly fountains of literary gold. and with all the reading i've done lately... i've begun to notice {and i'm sure you have too} the startling similarities between them all. and their subsequent success.

i think i've pegged the recipe for a YA fiction hit.

first off, before we even start, keep in mind, to write a hit YA story, it MUST be divided into 3 or more parts. no series, no sell. 

then, add 3 or more of the following:

1. a painfully annoying female teenage protagonist. red hair is a bonus.

2. a distant mother who just doesn't understand

3. a father who is the only one who truly "gets" female protagonist
4. absent parent(s) altogether

5. a setting in futuristic/post-apocalyptic united states with no real historical framework or explanations
6. fantastical/paranormal circumstances

7. corrupt government

8. a love triangle*
9. a law that makes having a relationship very complicated if not impossible (factions, castes, outlawing love, outlawing freedom to choose partner, vampire/werewolf relations etc.)
10. present-tense, first person narration

11. a gratuitous amount of teen angst
12. some form of mind-control
13. a resistance movement and impending revolution (note: should you choose to include this, something fishy MUST be going on with the existing resistance movement. the protagonist will have to figure out a new solution to the government problem once they discover said fishiness.)
14. adults with poor decision-making skills
15. a male love interest with a crooked smile
16. plenty of teenage boys running their hands through their hair when distressed

once you've added at least three of the previous items, it's time to begin writing. be careful to use only mediocre writing skills to compose your first installation. if you must write well, be sure that the story quality of one of your volumes suffers greatly to make up for all of your good writing.
in order to ensure that at least three installments are produced, be sure to draw out your installments as long as possible, even if it involves bizarre plot twists and unnecessary detail.

after your third installment, feel free to continue writing more sequels. however, if you choose to do so, either your writing or plot quality must consistently depreciate.

finally, rake in the money. adherence to this recipe for a YA is certain to bring success.

now get out there and write your novel. because it could be a hit. and...

*should you choose to employ the "love triangle," your trilogy must roughly read as follows:
part 1: both love interests are introduced, one obviously platonic, one potentially or already romantic
part 2: platonic interest also becomes romantic, most likely because of absence of romantic interest
part 3: protagonist makes and deals with her choice of the two interests. it must be uncomfortable.

inspiration for this post provided by: