a post per day, #5: late night TV and a bit about my babies

i always feel like watching a late night TV show somehow justifies staying up later than i should be staying up.

jimmy fallon is clearly my fave, followed closely by james corden. then maybe jimmy kimmel, seth meyers, and then colbert. poor guy. he's a funny dude but his show is kinda snoozeville. which is tough when you're trying to entertain people who are already falling asleep.

is anyone else rewatching downton abbey before the movie comes out this year? bc we totally are and i forgot how much i love it. im glad there are so many seasons. it's a nice slow burn.

i feel like i should jot down some notes about the kids; bea is turning SIX on wednesday so i should document some stuff. im glad i have instagram/fb/timehop to keep me in line or i wouldnt have any memories saved!

Bea
like i said, she is turning 6 this week and i can't believe it. i have been a parent for almost 7 years now. it's insane.

she got into the advanced program at school. not only did she qualify, she tested in the 97th percentile for state and national gifted testing programs. she is brilliant, and it totally shows whenever you have a conversation with her. she has an insane vocabulary that is growing rapidly everyday. which is probably helped by her new obsession with....

HARRY POTTER! we are reading the illustrated versions with her/listening to the jim dale recordings and she is hooked. i am beyond thrilled about this. her activity of choice today was watching the extended version of HP2 (we let her watch them as we finish reading them). we are in the middle of HP3 but she wanted to watch one, and she can't watch the next one til we finish reading, so she opted for watching 2 again. it is a whopping 3 hours long, so after she finished her homework today we put it on and watched til bedtime. as far as the movies go, it is not my favorite one but 3 IS my favorite movie (or maybe 5. or 6. or 7. I DONT KNOW!) so i am dying to finish it so she can watch it. its the most whimsy and magical of the movies for sure so i am excited to watch it with her. oliver loves it too even though he kind of doesn't entirely know what's going on. he loves to say "VOLDEMORT IS A STUPID BAD GUY! I PUNCH AND KILL HIM!!!"
we love harry potter, bottom line. she wants to be hermione for halloween this year. point, me.

she still loves dance and she is getting so good at it. she works hard and loves to practice. she is getting pretty good at tap and rhythm, and her spins in ballet are getting pretty amazing. and her turnout is awesome for a 5/6 year old. i am in love with watching her dance.

she is AMAZING at math. she doesn't care much about reading right now but her math skills are above and beyond. doing her math homework with her is painful because of how much i need to dumb it down. i am so proud of her sharp STEM brain.

she still is crazy spirited but she seems to have things a lot more under control these days and outbursts are becoming fewer and farther between. it's nice to not see her constantly at war with herself. that being said, she has pretty crazy ADHD and has a hard time focusing without guidance. she can't focus long enough to get dressed on her own most days and needs a lot of help focusing and staying on task. i want to find as many ways as we can to help her out without having to medicate her. the doctor says evaluating things after kindergarten is the time to find a good starting point with serious ADHD treatment.

i'm sure there's more but i need to get to oliver before it's time for me to go to sleep. which is like, yesterday.. 😱

oliver
oliver is a delight. is he screaming and crying half the time? sure. but the other half he is a melt-in-your-arms puddle of snuggles. so i'd say it balances out.

his favorite word right now is "stupid" so we are working on that....

he likes to find sticks to turn into magic wands, and always gives you a rhyming spell. typically it is:
abra cadabra, abra cazoo, turn mommy into a POO!!!!" but sometimes he gets creative and throws in a different set of rhyming words.

he loves his preschool teacher and is learning how to get along with other kids. he has tiffs now and then but they are thinning out and he is getting a lot better at controlling his emotions. he's not as big of a hitter now as he was coming into the school year so i am happy about that. he teacher says he is an angel like 90% of the time so it's promising.

he is in SUNBEAMS now!!! i can't believe he is that big. i really don't have a baby anymore. it's kinda sad but it is so fun to watch him grow, i can't get too hung up about it. he is taking to primary like a fish to water. i play piano in primary so i get to observe him and it is a treat. he is so good and well behaved and he enjoys it so much and it's just a joy to watch.

he loves jurassic park, despite never having seen it. his favorite activity of choice is to watch youtube videos of the jurassic park ride at universal studios. he could watch it for hours. no matter how many times i tell him the dinosaurs are robots, he is CONVINCED they are real and has told me he will never go on that ride for that reason. he does love dinosaurs though, and you can find him looking through his dinosaur library books on the reg.

he is a singer. it is adorable. he'll walk around and just sing about whatever he's doing. or he'll sing a song that's stuck in his head. and he always sings to the radio. and he loves to dance. he's got swag. he is very serious about his dancing and always has a stank face when he gets serious about it. he loves to dance to the spiderman soundtrack these days. it's super cute, he is very passionate about his dance moves.

ANYWAY. i'm sure there's more but i really need to go to bed. so. there you have it. a kid update. i love love love love them.

to the kind lady at the pool

monday was not stellar.

i lost oliver. like legitimate freak-out status lost.

we were at the library and i felt so smart checking out our books in the kids' area so i didn't have to deal with the lobby/atrium area. 

i forgot to scan the two movies bea chose so i figured i would just do them really quick at the front desk. 

there was a little thing off to the side that was one of those lifesize (in this case, toddler sized) poster portrait things with the head cut out so you can put your face in. ollie and bea ran straight for it (she was holding his hand) and i turned around to scan the two things quickly and i turned around and he was gone. completely gone. i asked bea where he was (she keeps surprisingly good tabs on him usually) and she had no idea. 

i told bea to stay put at the desk next to our giant book pile (which she did with perfection, bless that girl) and speed walked to the back of the library to the kids area and looked for him and he wasn't there. i ran into my visiting teacher and was like "sorry girl lost ollie talk later" so she was on the lookout too. 

she saw a woman out in the parking lot walking a toddler back to the library. oliver had somehow made it out of the library and had made it pretty far into the parking lot while i was in the back looking for him.

i was horrified, mortified, and embarrassed. i didn't react how i should have. after thanking the lady profusely and squeezing ollie tight in relief, i grumbled "you are in so much trouble little man" at him instead of weeping tears of joy that he was ok.

i left the library with the guilt of having lost him, the terror of realizing what could have happened, the embarrassment of reacting the wrong way, and shock at my stupidity in not checking the parking lot first. i just felt sick.

later that day, after ollie's nap (i snuggled the crap out of him and showered him with kisses when i put him down, to overcorrect) i got a text from brad's aunt asking if we were going to join them at the pool. i forgot i'd agreed to go a day or two ago, and i just really didn't want to go. but i did it. i packed everyone up and headed to the pool. halfway there, i realized i'd forgotten bea's floatie and almost just went home, but i didn't. i stuck it out, made it to the pool, and had a good time.

after we finished up, we went to the locker room to change for a little family dinner we were headed to. a nice 50/60 something lady became enchanted with ollie (because really how can you not?) and gave bea her due attention that a lot of people forget to do when gushing over sweet, cherub-faced ollie. she was sweet and chatted with them while i was getting them dressed so they wouldn't go crazy while i was peeling wet clothes off them and trying to shove dry clothes over slightly wet bodies.

after they were all changed, she looked me in the eye and said, "you are a good mom. i know it's really hard to get out and do things, but you made their day. you took them to the pool and they had a great time. you are a good mom."

even writing this now it almost brings tears to my eyes. how could she have known how much i needed to hear those words? who knows, maybe she says that to everyone but frankly i don't care. she said it to me on a day that i felt anything but a good mom.

so thank you, sweet pool locker room lady. you gave me that last little push i needed to finish my day without drowning in mom-guilt despair. you helped me wake up the next morning feeling capable and confident instead of broken and inadequate. your kind words meant more to me than you'll ever know.

a bit about my babies 7.2.17

these kids of mine, yo. so many changes. all day err day.

currently:

bea

-still not super interested in learning letters and spelling and reading in general, but still slays at logical and mathematic skills. simple math equations and difficult puzzles are her strong suit; she is still so good at puzzles. 7 year old level at jigsaw puzzles. mind-blowing. which leads me to..

-bea finished her first year of preschool! i have been mostly disappointed with her preschool this year, for a number of reasons, primarily that her teacher almost never communicated with me. and when i did go to a parent teacher conference, it seemed like she didn't even know who beatrice was, and talked very little about her. it was a let down. but she did learn some good social skills and how to play in a more structured environment. anyway. the reason this has to do with the above thing is that she made it into the private montessori school for 2017-2018 school year! i am so excited to see where that approach takes her.

-she got her first spotlight award at dance last month which was a sweet moment. she loves to dance, i hope she still wants to stick with it for a while. her recital was a lot of fun and she did a great job.

-not much has changed since my last post in the sass department. still so sassy. some days i just cannot even but then she asks to snuggle and watch a show and i'm all like girl it's ok.

-she gesticulates whenever she talks and starts a lot of phrases with "because, you know----" haha it is so weird and funny.

-she is convinced that her 5th birthday is just around the corner and she is constantly planning her party.

-she loves painting but she doesnt like to color. she gets very frustrated that she can't always get perfectly inside the lines so she just doesnt bother with it. a lot like me that way.

-when she gets mad she says "WHY IS MY LIFE THIS WAY!" and it is hilarious or "WHY IS THIS MY LIFE!" she has even told me that i'm ruining her life, so does that mean i'm doing it right...???

-she likes ponies and polly pockets and basically anything you can add accessories to. i think she is more interested in accessories than with clothes.

-she likes rocks and is always adding some to her collection. i should get her a rock tumbler, she would love it.



ollie

-he has pretty much stopped signing and only talks (or has fits) to communicate with us. he can speak in simple sentences and has a ton of words.

-he really likes cars. and trains. and trucks. and boats. and planes. all of it. but he also likes princesses, singing, and dancing. love my well rounded boy.

-he loves alligators. super random but he says "gator gator" all the time (he has a book about them that he likes, some jammies with gators, and gator shaped vitamins...so maybe that's it...)

-he also likes lions (i lion! RAAARRRRR)

-ever the fish lover. both my kids and their love for fish! so weird!

-he is obsessed with the song "HandClap" and whenever i pick up my phone he asks me to turn it on

-he is also obsessed with anything with a screen. super annoying and we do our best not to indulge it #eyeroll

-he loves to count! his favorite number is 4 but he can do a pretty decent sequence up to 15. i doubt however, that he knows what they mean. i think he has a vague grasp on counting but it's not all the way there

-he is all about mickey mouse clubhouse

-he has goodnight moon memorized and likes to say it with me before bed, he also knows all the words to i am a child of god and i love to see the temple and we sing those together before bed too. his little voice is so sweet and precious it's all i can do not to cry when i rock him and sing with him!

-he loves to color! he is really good about holding a pen/pencil/whatever and can do a lot of lines and scribbles. not sure if he can do a circle yet, but he holds a utensil much earlier than bea did and does it just as well as she does now. he asks to color at least once a day!

-he is very social and likes to say "Hi!" to literally everyone that crosses his line of vision.

-he hates being in a shopping cart and will scream for every second that he is sitting (and escapes to standing) in it



that's all i got for now! love those little crazies.

a bit about my babies 3.22.17

you guys it's been soooooooooo *breathe*ooooooooooooo
long since i've posted, and since i've done one my kid posts. i am going to lose precious memories! luckily i have timehop and instagram/facebook to capture the essentials but i have *have* to remember the little things. i don't what i've been doing but blogging has taken a total backseat and i need to get 👏🏽 on 👏🏽 it!
so.

bea

-she is 4. 4. four. IV. what the actual heck is going on. 4 is the "i am no longer a baby" age. she is in the biggest toddler sizes at stores, and the smallest girl sizes (I DON'T WANT TO SHOP IN THE BIG GIRL SECTION! YOU CANNOT MAKE ME!). her shoes are size 10. i look at them and i'm like, who is the preteen living here because those are enormous shoes. she still has knuckle dimples and a button nose though so i'll take (the little) that i can get.

-she had her first haircut several months ago. it was sad to see her baby curls go, but her ends look very healthy now, and they still curl a bit. there's hope for the future.

-she is ever the sassmistress. so sassy. her facial expressions are 80% of the sass though so even if i quote stuff (which i am too tired to even think of right now. i need to be more on this! i am the worst.), the full effect isn't there because i can't show you all the akimbo arms, rolled eyes, side mouth twists, hand and wrist motions, etc.

-she does this weird thing these days, where whenever she gets hurt (stubbed toe, skinned knee, etc) you ARE. NOT. ALLOWED. to touch her. if you try and get close she jerks away and screams "DON'T TOUCH ME!!!!" and then hides in a corner until she's ready and i say "let me know when you're ready" and several seconds later we bring it in for a hug and wipe away the tears. do your kids do that? it's very bizarre to me.

-this isn't new, but the girl remembers everything. i have to be super careful about what i say these days and i pay for it if i'm not. dearly.

-she can write her name and draw basic pictures, but loves to paint "abstract art". she doesn't like to color. she is a perfectionist and she doesn't like that she can't be perfectly inside the lines at her current level of coordination, so she kind of beats herself up about it. it's so sad. she says "i'm just not good at coloring, mom. i don't want to." i try to buoy her up, but she won't have it. so we paint.

-she likes yoga and dancing. she loves to keep adding songs to her ever-growing playlist, right now the favorite is tegan and sara. she also loves britney spears. smart girl.

-she just got a booster seat yesterday! we are both very excited about it. mostly because she can get herself out of her seat, so i don't have to unbuckle two kids any more.

-she alternates what she wants to be when she grows up daily but the top two are artist and ballerina. she had another good one the other day and of course now i can't think of it.

-she likes to make cookies, but reminded me today that "mom, you are just a terrible baker." thanks girl. love you too. (she's not wrong).

-she loves oliver and loves to love on him, it's sweet except for he just learned to hit and it ruins things.

-she has decided she likes showers as opposed to tubs, so lately she showers in my shower while i bathe oliver in my tub. it's kind of fun to all be in there for a tub party.

-she still has her best friend at school named Zeke, but unfortunately, after several failed attempts at getting his parents' contact info, they have never had a playdate. sad.

-she is *finally* learning to pedal a bike. it has taken forever.

-she is crazy good at puzzles. she can do puzzles at like a 5th grade level. it's insane.

-she is, at the moment, more interested in math than at reading. she likes to add and subtract numbers with story problems we do. (i.e i have 4 apples, how many will i have after eating 2? etc), and we count to a hundred a lot. she's not super interested in learning how to spell.

-she likes to play video games with her dad and it is precious.

-she has started sunbeams at church and is the most adorable primary kid ever. she is very serious about answering questions and learning songs and tbh she does this better than a lot of the older kids. #nottobragbut

that's really i can come up with on the spot about bea. she is such a wild, bright, sweet, sassy girl. i love her guts.

ollie

-he got his first haircut several months ago too, and this was WAY more difficult for me than bea's cut was. holy cannoli it was hard. he had such beautiful curls and walked around with them bouncing everywhere all the time, and we cut them off and i just didn't recognize him. he looked like such a big boy and it was a shock every time i looked at him for several days. but it was a great haircut and he rocked it, so it turned out ok. his most recent haircut isn't as good. which is a bummer but we'll fix it next time.

-he was having some speech delays for a while and didn't have as much words as he should have, and discovered his hearing was pretty impaired from fluid buildup, so we got tubes for his ears and now, he says SO MANY WORDS! he signs some too. it's funny though because now that we can communicate and he knows we understand him, he gets REALLY mad when we don't give him what he's asking for. which brings me to:

-ohhhhhh the temper tantrums. he puts bea to SHAME! bea never really had terrible twos because she was just such a good communicator and hardly got frustrated but holy crap oliver is a ticking time bomb all day. he is the definition of a terrible two. if you say no to something he wants, he starts screaming, hits you a few times, and then lays down and glues himself to the floor, adding a few kicks and ground pounds every few seconds in between screams. he loves to do this at the library, at church, and every store we ever enter. truly a joy. he found my lollipop reserve in my bag during story time today (a reserve i save to avoid these types of situations) and when i took it from him, he HAD A FIT. i had to grab my bag and my book bag, one on each shoulder, and then held his hand to walk him out, but he glued himself to the floor, as he does, and screamed like i was killing his dog. so i had to hook him over one arm, hold my other bags and bea's hand and haul out of there. i don't even bother getting embarrassed anymore. that ship has sailed.

-he loves yogurt. like a lot. he would have it for breakfast, lunch, and dinner if we let him. he ALSO loves vitamin gummies. everytime i am even close to the vitamin cabinet, he runs over to me and reaches up and says "VVVVIIIIIIEEEEEETTTTTT!" (vite.) they can only have 3 a day so if i ration it, we usually have a happy camper in that department.

-he loves cars. he also loves cars and lightning mcQueen. if something has wheels, he is all over it. and he had a rediscovery of our little blue truck books and now requests them (points at them saying "CCCAAARRRRRRRRR") before bed. he also loves goodnight moon and the hungry caterpillar. he can complete all of the phrases from those books. he also loves the grouchy lady bug. if you ask him to read it, he'll see a page and go "fight?! fight?!?!?!" and then you have to say the "you're not big enough" part. seriously the cutest.

-he also LOVES dory. that was the first word he said that actually sounded like a real word. he loves nemo and dory and if you ask him to say dory like a whale he goes "dddddoooohhhhhhwwwweeeee" in a singsongy voice. it is too precious for words.

-he is so affectionate and it makes me so happy i can't even say. bea never hugged or snuggled with me and it was always really hard for me. she was a perfect baby, but she never snuggled. he is a stinker but oh how he snuggles. every time i say "give mommy loves" he buries his face in my neck and puts his arms around me and koala-latches onto me and pats my back. he doesn't even let go until i put him down. i love these moments more than i could ever say and i just squeeze his little body and breathe him in as long as i can, until i have to do something or pick something else up, and have to put him down. i don't know what i'll do when he stops giving me those hugs. i don't want to think about it.

i don't what it is, but every mom with both boys and girls will tell you that the relationship is so so different. it's hard to explain. girls are like your bffs, and confidantes, even at a young age. there's a real kinship between moms and daughters and it's a special relationship that is so important and wonderful. boys are just the love of your life. an endless spout of sunggles and endless adrenaline shots and worries when he does something completely insane. boys are so special. they love you so fiercely at such a young age; everything they do, they do it full throttle and loving you is what they do best. i don't know if i'm articulating it right but there ya go.

ANYHOO that's all i have right now and i really need to go to bed. hopefully i'll be more on the ball soon so i won't have to dig so much for the memories!! i just can't even with how much i love these people.

a bit about my babies 12.6.16

you guys. i haven't written about my kids in MONTHS!!! i'm going to lose so many memories that haven't made the instagram cut, so i need to get them documented! the election and halloween and thanksgiving (and gilmore girls!)  have all made things so crazy so right now while im watching project runway im going to get this done because i don't want to forget these sweet moments!

bea

-she has started PRESCHOOL! holy cannoli. she loves it (usually) and has a best friend there named zeke, whom she talks about almost daily. i've tried to get his mom's contact info but to no avail so no playdates, sadly. she loves to paint and craft and make jewelry and pretend play at school, but despite being really interested in numbers and letters before she started, she really doesn't seem interested about learning to read and write, which puzzles me, but what can ya do. she goes to a special needs integration class where she acts as a model student, and her great verbal skills and vocabulary make her a great one. most of the kids have speech set backs so she is a really great help to them to get them to speak out and learn to pronounce words

-she pronounces some words SO funnily i just need to jot them down. a move theater is a "movie vuhvator", thanksgiving is "schizskiving", sanjay is "shuhnjay" and there are several others i need to remember so i'll add them later, but movie vuhvater is my favorite.

-she's finally not afraid to swim. just in time for winter. #eyeroll

-she has become SO..."spirited". she fights me on literally everything. backtalking, making faces, yelling, hitting, kicking, and pushing. i've tried being the nice guy. i've tried being the mean guy. i've tried ignoring bad behavior. nothing really works. so i'm pretty much at a loss at what to do at this point. i'm going to have to hit the parenting books to figure it out because it makes my life incredibly exhausting.

-she really likes to explain things. she likes to talk me through what she's doing with her toys, or pictures she's drawing and things like that.

-she has such amazing vocabulary, she blows me away.  every day she uses a new word that even 3rd graders don't use. like the other day she saw that i hung some of her art up on a clothing line on the wall, which i had done while she was at school. she saw it and gave me a huge hug and then put her hands on her cheeks and said "oh mom! this looks amazing! i love it so much! really mom, i am so impressed. good job." talk about 3 going on 35.

-she loves to pretend and dress up. i didn't realize that all kids aren't pretenders until she had a few friends over that don't pretend and she just had no idea how to play with them. every day she has a new character to play, and gives me a role. she goes through princesses, the characters from lego movie, and characters from into the woods, which she's really into lately.

-she still loves hamilton and can sing a lot of the songs on her own. she also loves to listen to "into the woods", disney songs, the little mermaid play, annie, and can identify a britney spears song from the first line, even if she's never heard it before. she loves britney. she also loves a lot of the music i listen to and asks me to add a lot of it to her "exciting songs" playlist.

-she's pretty into interpretive dance. she loves to choreograph songs and show them to the family.

-she's still taking ballet but i'm not sure how into it she is anymore. she seems to love it but is kind of spacey during class.

-maybe she's just being 3 but she will, at many points during the day, randomly get REALLY wild and hyper, and has a really hard time calming down and focusing on basically anything. she gets really wild and once she's decided to get hyper and out of control it's nearly impossible to bring her back down. i've played all the cards on this one too and nothing is seeming to work.

-there's more but i'll think of it later...

oliver

-he got his first haircut on saturday. with each layer of curls that got cut off i got closer and closer to tears, but i held it together and his haircut really is super cute but he definitely looks like a totally different baby. except for not even a baby at all. he looks so much like a big boy it's sad. but also cute.

-he is the cutest little dancer ever! he sticks out one arm and tilts his cheek into that shoulder and spins around in circles with the sweetest smile on his face whenever he hears music. it's SO ADORABLE! and sometimes he just shakes his hands around. just love that guy.

-he kind of says words but like not really. for most everything he has some kind of variation of 2 syllables, the first emphasized and swinging up, and the second swinging down. sometimes it sounds like the word he's trying to say, sometimes it doesn't. he's not interested in sign language except for "all done" after he's done eating and now he actually says something along the lines of "all done" so that's cool.

-he is SO affectionate!!! so many times a day he'll run up to me and grab my knees and tilt his little head toward me and close his eyes and say "mmmmmm-AHHHHH" for kisses. he loves to give me and brad and even bea kisses. and if he facetimes with one of us or my mom he gives the phone SO many kisses! like one every 20 seconds. it's the best. bea wasn't even close to this affectionate so it's nice to have a little chubby baby that gives me kisses all the time! he also loves to put his head on my shoulder for a minute or two every time i pick him up. he is just SO sweet!!! i love his big chubby cheeks.

-if he doesn't get what he wants, he. gets. MAD!!! he has the most violent temper tantrums (banging his fists and feet on the ground, kicking and screaming, etc). it's really funny but it gets old pretty fast. i don't know why he's so spoiled, we never give in, but he seriously cannot handle not getting exactly what he wants. it's still funny though... :)


i really am blanking right now. probably because i'm super tired so i'm sure there's so much more especially since it's been so long but i'll probably think of more later. the older they get, the more i love em!

a bit about my babies 7.6.16

i feel like it's time again! time for some updates about the kiddos.

bea
- bea can't stop dancing. she literally dances everywhere she goes. i was walking behind her at the children's museum today and her arms were out like in second position and her hands were doing that twirly thing. her favorite style is contemporary (which she learned about from SYTYCD the next generation, which she LOVES) and choreographs dances to songs on the daily. it is cute to see her so passionate about something.

-she has a playlist that she loves to listen to. it consists of every song she hears that she likes and then says "mom add this to my exciting songs" or "add this to my playlist". it's so cute. she sounds so grown up when she talks about her playlist. she dances to a lot of these songs on the regular.

-her favorite toys right now are her prized dress ups. when she wakes up in the morning, she goes potty, and then retreats to her room to play with her dress ups for a half hour or so. she changes into one outfit, comes into my room, does a pose, dances a little jig, waits for my approval, and then goes back into her room to try another one on. it is so cute.

-she really likes to tell me to "give it a shot". if i tell her someplace is really crowded she just goes "mom let's just give it a shot. do your best and just give it a shot."

-bea is on a soccer team right now and loves it but mostly just because she gets to run around with her friends. dance is still her one true love. and yes, she does dance on the soccer field.

-whenever i am grumpy she asks where my smile is.

-she loves oliver and whenever he cries in the car she tries to make him laugh, and usually succeeds. he laughs to keep from weeping.

-she has her first acting job on friday! (if you don't count house hunters) i think she'll do a great job, she did great for house hunters (which has a lot of acting in it believe it or not), the director loved her so i'm hoping she brings it for her job on friday. we are very excited.

-she loves duplos. she will sit and play with duplos for HOURS. she is also this way with vintage polly pockets.

-her favorite movie right now is the lego movie. she likes to pretend to be wild style. her favorite movie before that was charlotte's web, preceded by the ever popular nemo. it makes me sad that she's moved on from the more tender movies but i'm sure it's on to the next sometime soon so maybe there's a tender one next. i was so excited for her to see finding dory since finding nemo was her favorite movie for 2 solid years but she didn't glom onto it like i'd expected and it just kinda wilted me a little.

-she starts preschool in august. she loves to work in her workbook at home to get ready for it. she is getting better at tracing letters and likes to draw people, which are basically potatoes with stick limbs and googly eyes.

-she's got a thing for carnivals and carnie rides. she calls them "fun fairs" or "ferrises" or something along those lines. it's really funny to hear her talk about carnival rides.


oliver

-HE WALKS! he has been taking steps here or there for couple weeks but the past few days, he has really started to walk A LOT. it is SO CUTE. he really likes it too, he just lights up when he is walking and gets so excited.

-he is just a giggly giggly dude. and he crumbles into a ball when he laughs, like an armadillo. i LOVE it!

-he has started hitting bea when he knows he shouldn't. it begins.

-he has 7 teeth and is growing two more!

-he is also totally in on the duplo game

-he is such a snuggle bug lately!!! i can't get enough of his snuggles. it's so nice because bea never was a snuggler and he wasn't super snuggly as an infant, so he is definitely making up for lost time. my favorite is when he does his armadillo roll right into my neck. i live for those moments!

-he can kind of say some words, he mostly just makes sounds but i know what they mean. he says mama for me but he also says it to mean "more". he says it a lot while eating popcorn.

-he can actually eat a fruit pouch on his own without making a mess when he is really hungry. he takes hunger very seriously and will not let a drop of food go to waste if he can help it.

- i tell everyone oliver has 2 speeds: happy and hungry. he is always happy unless he is hungry and then he just screams. and screams. and screams. that's what happened when he first left the womb actually. he's been hungry since day one. so i basically have to be giving him food like 60% of the time, but it's all good, he's cute so i'll do it.

-he is not feeling like learning sign language. not his thing.

-he is a pretty social baby and is very interested in other babies and what they are doing

-he leaped out of my arms the other day while we were sitting on the steps at the pool (scariest moment ever) and ever since then he HATES baths, which is really sad because he used to love them. i hope he gets over it soon because it's kind of breaking my heart.

-he is wearing 18-24 month clothes but his growth is slowing down and he is leaning out.

-he has really adorable curls that i really don't want to cut, but people keep mistaking him for a girl so i don't know, maybe i should get it cut. i don't know.



that's all i got for now. i'm sure i'll remember something in like an hour and have to add it. i love these babies!!!!!!

a bit about my babies 5.25.16

i feel like it's been a long time since my last post but i don't think it's really been THAT long.
i need to document my kids for my records but i feel like not a ton has changed...
so here we go:

beatrice
-i'll start this out by saying, at her heart, she is a sweet, sweet girl. but she is getting to be really difficult these days. i feel like this age (3.5) has been the biggest strain on our relationship yet before she becomes a teenager. i am either yelling or trying not to yell at her for 50% of almost every day except for the few days where she is a delight all day. and when she is a sweetie she really is the best sweet thing in the world but when she does a 180 on a dime, it is ROUGH. and lately she has taken to wetting her pants on purpose when she is mad at me. it's infuriating.

-she really isn't all that bad all the time. she loves a lot of things with her whole heart right now, including dance, charlotte's web (which probably explains why she loves fairs right now. she's really into fairs), hamilton, star wars, and her imaginary friends wall-e, eve, and hamilton. she LOVES hamilton a ton and asks for books about the founding fathers at the library frequently. i can't say i'm disappointed. she also asks for loony toons ("those bunny cartoons" and "tweety bird ones") quite a bit, which i'm proud of too.

-she says a million funny things a day, and i try to document them all on facebook but it is hard to keep up!

-sometimes she'll ask me a very specific question in which it's very apparent that she has been thinking about the issue for some time before coming to me with the question. i LOVE hearing how her mind works.

-she loves books. she will read in her bed for ages before falling asleep and i love it and hope it continues forever.

-she is getting more independent and it's fun to see her grow up but also a little heartbreaking. she can clear her place from the table, get dressed (when she's not being a stinker), and brush her own teeth.

-she loves oliver more and more every day and is very protective of him to other people but is rough on him all the time. classic siblings, amiright?

-she LOVES to play dress-up! i think it's probably her favorite activity. very cute. i need to invest in more dressups

-whenever i let her pick out her own clothes, she chooses a tulle skirt she got ages ago (at her baby shower actually. it's 2t so it's a bit small now) and a tiara. she is all girl. i need to buy her some more tutu-like pieces because it seems that's her style now. when she dresses herself she always says "hey mom do i look style? i look so style!!!!" it's a riot.

-she calls mcdonald's chicken donalds and asks to go there like every day. if she could choose between french fries and cake/ice cream/cookies/candy, the french fries will win every time without fail.

-she views every human being as a potential friend and is always introducing herself to strangers. she doesn't have a shy bone in her body. she loves making new friends at the park, and always seems to be organizing games with other kids. some say organizer, some say bossy. tomato tomahto.

-she starts every day with her daily phone calls. she calls my mom, abby, my dad, cami, peter, sam, shannon, and brad on his way to work, and tries to get them to chat with her. she can do this all on her own, on her own phone. it's hilarious.



oliver
-he is the cutest butterball in the history of the world. i love it. if i could freeze him right now i would. he is so cheery all the time except when he's hungry. then is a screaming machine.

-he is finally interested in food!!!! he eats real big boy food all day err day and enjoys it to the fullest. so adorable.

-he loves tickles, music, dancing, baths, and making messes.

-he is into EVERYTHING. we are seriously having to babyproof this house which is such a new concept to us because bea was never interested in our stuff. but he is on it like white on rice. he also never holds still and can't stand getting his diaper changed. i have to restrain him with one arm and change the diaper with the other. he frantically rolls about whenever i change him. exhausting, these kids!

-he is super interested in other babies and is pretty physical with them. he likes to smack their faces and yank them down from sitting/standing and other things like that. he is such a boy.

-he will FINALLY SNUGGLE!!! ahhh i love it. if i give him a binky and his blue minky blanky (which he must have in order to sleep), he with put his head on my should and snuggle for just a few seconds or so but i will TAKE it!

-he is so fat basically all he can wear is sweat pants. it's amazing but also sad bc my visions of putting my cute boy in great clothes like skinny jeans are not coming to fruition. he is destined for huskiness until he gets his junior high growth spurt and becomes a tall, gangly, string bean. i'll enjoy the chub while it lasts.

-the doctor said by the time he is one year old he should be able to say at least one word. i don't think we'll make it. bea said her first words around 9/10 months but he is nowhere close. he is only just starting to babble with hard consonants. i'm trying not to worry about it and just understand that it will happen in its own time.

-he loves books and puzzles. well i mean he likes to throw puzzle pieces across the room. his favorite puzzle piece is a wooden lion from our melissa and doug safari puzzle. he always finds it, chews on it, and then carries it around while he crawls everywhere.

-he is a great cruiser and stands on his own quite a bit. i think we are very close to walking with this little (huge) guy.

that's all i can think of for now, i'll come back and jot down some more if i think about it.

Seventeen Again

ok ya'll. cat's out of the bag. i got braces. again. for the third time.
and please don't give me that "oh she should have worn her retainers" look! ya'll I DID wear my retainers!!! all three times i've had to get braces have been from situations beyond my control. first time, i got them too young and my jaw grew after i got them off so i had to get them again. only 2% of people's jaws grow after they turn 12 and i'm one of the lucky winners. and the second time, she put a PERMANENT retainer on my bottom teeth, and it separated somehow and so my teeth got very pushed forward because my tongue pushes against my teeth at night while i sleep because my tongue is too big for my tiny mouth.

so now, we're on round three and i'm hoping third time's a charm. it's been a really humbling experience for me to swallow my pride and get braces that are kind of ridiculous looking as an adult but it had to be done. my teeth didn't touch down in the front so i couldn't eat sandwiches or noodles or anything that requires your front teeth biting down on something. it's become really embarrassing for me to eat anything really in a public setting. braces are the answer. now that most of the pain (physical and emotional) has mostly subsided i have the courage to write about it and even post some pictures to just throw it all out there and own the braces.
someone told me  "well at least you're not an awkward teen this time!" but the sad truth is, my PPD meds give me horrible skin issues, so my skin is breaking out, i have braces (with a REALLY attractive rubber band across the top and bottom!!!), and the post partum hormones have made my hair uncontrollably frizzy. so basically, i'm reliving my teenage years. hoorah.

so hot right now. bradley is so lucky.

but i'm trying to remain positive. so here are a few good things about the braces:
1. i will finally be able to eat a burger in public without looking like a complete idiot. (picture me taking a bite and everything just sliding right back out and me having to rip the lettuce and tomato out of my mouth to get it out of the burger. it's awful you guys, really).
2. our amazing insurance covered almost the entire thing i only paid 300 dollars out of pocket from a 5300 bill. #blessed
3. my dad jump started a company several years back that invented an orthodontic technology that halfs the time braces need to be worn by sending sonic waves through your teeth to make them move faster and to alleviate pain. it costs 900 dollars but i was able to get it for free from the CEO of the company. instead of having to wear the braces for 18 months, i only have to wear them for 10.
4. at least i'm getting them while my kids are young and not when i'm 40 and at PTA meetings.
5. it actually feels really good to do something for myself. they hurt SO bad and bea and oliver always find a way to kick me in the face when they hurt the most but even when i put the humiliating elastic across my teeth, it feels good to know that i'm doing something to take care of myself.
so things are gonna be a-ok, guys.

oh in other news, i ate it really hard on the ski slopes in friday night, night-skiing and like almost died. i shot like 20 feet (no exaggeration) into the air and landed on my back and rolled about 100 yards. i seriously tumbled down the mountain thinking "welp. this is how i die." my dad was terrified and peter was a bit shocked, but i somehow made it out alive and finished the run on adrenaline but pretty much had PTSD by the next run so i sat out the rest of the night. it was pretty scary. so i sat by the fire and listened to "hamilton" for a while and now i'm going to be that friend that tries to make everyone listen to hamilton because it's pretty amazing.

this is on my back. there's another one about 6 inches above it. they are both about the size of my hand. #pain

also, my kids are pretty awesome right now. bea says the funniest things these days and i try to get the best ones written down on facebook but it's really hard to keep track of them all because she spits em out so quickly and so frequently that i forget the last one the second she cracks a new one. she loves to tell us that we are cracking her up and whenever she wants to get serious with us she calls us by our first names. she has 2 imaginary friends named wall-e and eve and talks to them all the time, sets them places at the table, pretends they're in the car with us, etc etc. she used to do it like every five seconds but not she only mentions them once or twice a day. it's cute. i would be worried if she didn't have imaginary friends. the other day something confused her and instead of saying "what the heck?!" she said "what is that heck?!" with the same articulation so it was extra funny. her new favorite place is the indoor pool at our rec center and i am seriously considering buying a membership there because she asks to go to the pool every day now. i'm shocked because she used to be terrified of swimming but she just set off the other day into the water (with her puddle jumper on) and had a great time. she is also a lot more interested in oliver these days and asks to hold him sometimes. it's very sweet.

look at him staring at her! my heart!

"oliver is awake mom! can i hold him now?!"

oliver is seriously SO happy now. which is such a relief. he was such an uncomfortable newborn that i thought we were in for a cranky one but he has done a 180 and is mr jolly right now, which makes sense, you know, because he's fat. fat people are all jolly. {except michael moore. he missed the memo}. oliver is 8 months now and he's going to be a year soon and I CANNOT HANDLE IT! luckily he still can't crawl so i feel like i still have my baby even though he is over 2 feet tall and 22 pounds. it's really hard to pick him up and hold him close (not like he ever wants to be held close anyway, the little stinker. i wasn't blessed with snugglers :( ) but it's ok because he is so cute and giggly. he is a squealer and a shrieker and it's very rare that we hear his actual voice but when we do hear it its very sweet and breathy and light which is music to my ears. he really only cries when he's hungry. which by the way, he only eats formula. he will. not. eat. food. any kind of food. only the bottle for this guy. i'm trying not to stress about it. he'll eat when he's ready. he also gets fussy when he's getting a tooth. today was the worst, he's getting a top tooth and he cried like all day and only slept for about 40 minutes total. i think he is dropping his last nap which is ok because it makes our days a little more flexible. he has to wear a helmet for a while because his torticollis really messed up his head, face and ears. again, our amazing insurance covered the whole thing. we really are so blessed. i don't know how long he'll have to wear it for but it doesn't seem to bug him so it's whatever. bradley is still his favorite person in the whole wide world, followed closely by bea, and then me. oh well. at least bea loves me. but now every time i tell her no she has a tantrum and cries for daddy. so maybe dad is the crowd favorite around here. oh well. c'est la vie.

see how much he loves food?

the wonderful days when they both fit in the cart. i hope this period lasts for a long time!

that about sums up life right now. we are lucky people around here.

walkin in a winter wonderland

ok does anyone else think it's weird that i have such a horrible relationship with snow but like EVERYWHERE I MOVE (and i move a lot) there is like the winter from hell the very winter i get there?!

1) Philadelphia - I get there in June, record breaking snowfall the following December
2) Connecticut - I get there in July, record breaking snowfall the following January
3) Utah - I get there in May, 2 feet of snow after a single storm in December

like what is going on here?

except you know what, i am actually starting to kind of enjoy it a teensy bit. maybe because utah has the best snow on earth, or because the sunshine comes out after it's done here, or because i have an attached garage, or because i have a yard and ski clothes and a toddler to play with in the snow, or because when it's 35 degrees here, a coat will actually keep you warm, or i don't even know. i'm drinkin the kool-aid.

another thing about utah is, i like to ski, so i'm excited when it snows because that means i can ski and spend time in the pretty mountains and then retire to my mom's house after. i mean that makes the snow a little more bearable. i'm excited to put bea in her first ski lesson once she turns 3. PLUS shoveling your sidewalk and driveway is a killer workout and a lot more fun than going to the gym. i like snow shoveling. #weirdo

so i think i'm starting to form this new relationship with winter that could really be the start of a new thing. and i love that we just got dumped on just in time for christmas! this white christmas is going to be so magical. the midway ice castle didn't even happen last year because it was so warm all winter, and the ski resorts lost a ton of money, so this winter is going to be a bit nicer that way. i am excited to go to the ice castle again, it's pretty epic.

OH ANOTHER THING! bea has decided she knows spanish now and it's hilarious. one of my favorite christmas songs is in spanish, mi burrito sabanero, which is basically about a little shepherd boy and his little donkey that are on their way to bethlehem to see jesus and it's really adorable because they always get a little boy to sing it and yeah anyway it's very adorable. so we listen to it here and there during christmas and then bea comes up to be today and is like "jeejo jeejo leelo la lee lo! mom that's jingle bells in spanish!" very cute. she has been doing that with several christmas songs lately.

OH YEAH! her ballet recital was on saturday!! holllly cannoli people it was adorable. so bea is in a 3-4 class even though she is only 2. she turns 3 in january. except she is really good at following directions and in the 2 class all the kids are like running around or licking the mirror or climbing on the barre SO they told bea to join the older class. she had been working SO HARD on getting her moves right. they were a little above her motor skill capability since she is so young for the class but she tries really hard to do them because she wants to follow directions. at her last recital in may, she got so distracted by being on stage and got all excited and ran up to bradley and waved at his camera shouting "I'M DANCING DAD!!!" so we didn't know what to expect with this one. she didn't disappoint. in class she had been doing the whole dance pretty well but on stage she was so focused on getting that one move right, and keeping her little hat on her head, that she got a little lost in the dance. BUT IT WAS SO CUTE! she had so much fun up there. and after her number she had even more fun dancing in the aisles to all the other songs. she loves to dance, i hope this is something she continues to love as she gets older. here is the video of her recital! she is in the middle. she cracks me up.

ALSO you guys i think oliver needs a helmet. his poor little head is so lopsided from his torticollis and it is painfully noticeable. let's just pray insurance covers it! he is still soooooo enchanted with bea. he gives her his biggest belly laughs, follows her with his eyes wherever she goes and always kicks and squeals when she plays with him. it's too cute. he is also 20 pounds. at thanksgiving both of brad's grandmas were there and we offered to let them hold him and they were both like....ehhhhh we'll pass. hahaha he is a chunk. he is already snug in 12 month clothes!!!!!!! and he eats every 2 hours, a 6-8 oz bottle too! this kid man. he is roly poly ollie. but i love it. even if my arms fall asleep after holding him. it's nice that he can hold his own bottle now though! he likes to be in control anyway. we've started solids with him and he LOVES it! we let him hold a spoon while we feed him so he can get a good feel for it early, and he can guide it to his mouth pretty well but once he realizes there's no food on it, he chucks it at us for pulling one over on him. it's super funny. he is my favorite little butterball.

a bit about my babies 11.28.15

bea

-beatrice is all about santa claus right now. she wants an easy bake oven (A COOKIE KITCHEN!) more than any child has wanted anything, ever. seriously. santa may have to rethink her bike plans and get her hands on an easy bake oven. this girl never ceases to surprise me.

-she likes to call people "gorgeous" now.

-she LOVES snow. just as much as she loved to play in the rain in the summer, she loves to go out in the snow on snowy days. i used to dread the snow, but now that we're in utah, i look forward to it because she just loves it so much! it's so cute to see her waddling around in her snowsuit outside. she walks all around the backyard on her own, singing, pretending, and building things with the snow. i love that she can entertain herself with her imagination for hours on end!

-she finally will play with oliver, but mostly just when i ask her to. (peekaboo, tickles, etc.) she thinks he is cute which is usually the most she evers says to him. their cousin rosalind is 2 and VERY interested in ollie, more so than bea. i think ros just likes babies more. bea has always liked the big kids very much. i think once he is a bit bigger and can really play with her, they will be thick as thieves.

-she has given up naps. i mourn their loss every day at about 2pm. every once in a while she'll ask for a nap but they are mostly gone. so sad. i've tried to institute a quiet time type thing but that usually becomes more of a battle than it's worth so we usually just try and make it to 3:30, then we watch our daily movie until dad gets home.

-she is making leaps and bounds in the letters department. today, in church, we had a game pulled up on my phone where it shows the name of a shape, and then you have to pick that shape out of a crowd. she was able to tell which word was which by the letter it started with, and then choose the proper corresponding shape. this girl. she is going places.

-she still has an amazing memory. she remembers everything. if you mentioned it 3 months ago, she will bring it up to you today and remember it in great detail. i don't know where she stores it all. that's how i know i can't just count on her to forget the easy bake oven for christmas. it's just not gonna happen. it also means we really have to watch how we act and what we say when she is around. she picks up on so much and it really helps us to be conscientious of our behavior (not like it's ever horrifying or anything, but you know. little things.)

-if you give her the choice between dessert (BERSERT!) and french fries, she will always choose the french fries.

-she loves going to the movies, and calls the movie theater the "movie vavayter!" like elevator with a va-. so weird but crazy adorable.

-she also loves the children's museum and calls it the b'seum. sooo cute. i hope she never learns how to say it correctly.

-we have an on-again off-again relationship with potty training still. she'll go weeks where she has no accidents at all and then have like 3 in one week to make up for lost time. it's usually just when she's stressed.

-she really is becoming more of a little kid than a toddler, and while it is loads of fun to have a big girl around to hang out and chat with me, sometimes i miss the chubby, giggly toddler days.

oliver

-this boy knows how to SMILE! he is so smiley these days. always open mouthed and googly eyed. he also laughs a LOT. i think he laughs more than bea did at this age. he thinks everything is funny, especially when big kids play peek a boo with him

-he still loves to use his voice. he is always talking and shrieking. it's adorable.

-he is still HUGE! 12 month clothes on a 5 month boy. aint no thang.

-will he ever stop throwing up?! nobody knows! he has narrowed it down to 2-3 times per feeding though (usually) so that's a plus

-he can hold his own bottle! he can down the whole thing without any help!

-he is pretty solid on his 3 nap schedule, we aim for 9, 12, and 3 but with bea, we are out and about a lot more so we just take naps where we can

-he is still in love with his big sister. he thinks everything she does is the funniest/most interesting thing in the worl

-my kids just don't snuggle, ya'll. he won't snuggle with me. way too busy and wiggly.

-he keeps getting his legs stuck in the slats of his crib these days now that he's rolling and more mobile. it's kind of funny but also sad.

-he rolls both ways but would rather just hang out on his side.

-we've started solids with him, only rice cereal here and there, but he is really enthusiastic about it.

-his torticollis is much better but his head is still a bit lopsided so it we may be headed for helmetville. not looking forward to it.


that's all i got for now! i sure love these little goobers!

snow.

it was the first snow today. just a flurry, but still. snow. if you know me at all you know that i have a love/hate relationship {ok, ok, more like a hate/hate relationship} with snow. but something about this little flurry felt different.
we've turned a corner with oliver and with me. ollie is becoming so much easier. he no longer hates the car, he is finally starting to throw up less, and with the introduction of his new exersaucer, he is finally starting to need to be entertained by us less and play on his own. he's started laughing. bea is his number one source of entertainment. he is a happy baby. he still needs his attention, i'm bouncing his bouncer with my foot as i'm writing this, but as long as he gets some love, he really is a happy dude. his smiles are always big and open mouthed. his joy for life is really starting to shine through and it's contagious. we have a routine with him now as he's gotten older and on more of a schedule with 9/noon/3 naptimes. i've started to see a new doctor for my PPD. he's rearranged my treatment and we are finally starting to feel a lift. it's slowly edging it's way out. the bad days are fewer and farther between.
seasons are changing. the snow outside is mirroring the change in my life. it's giving me hope for a new chapter, a new season. things are getting better. it's giving me hope.
the snow was so beautiful to me today, i decided to drive up to the mountains to my mom's to enjoy it more fully. i plopped up my fluffy second-day hair, ignored the splotchy skin on my face that's a result of the new meds, piled the kids in the car, threw on an old playlist from high school, and started the drive. the hour drive up there is always pleasant, since i love drives, bea loves being in the car, and ollie will finally nap in his carseat.
bea played with a happy meal toy in the backseat, oliver slept, and i listened to music. it took me back to a time when i really knew who i was. pleasant memories of the person i used to be, of loud live music, dancing, purple hair, filmmaking, friends, and just the general joie de vivre i had for life. it reminded me that i am that person. i'm in there somewhere. i'll be that person again. i know that now. i'm getting closer. i see it all in the snow. i'm ready for something different. for a new season. the snow gives me hope.
i could never understand how lorelai gilmore could love the first snow so much. it was just baffling to me. but i think i'm starting to understand. it's not really about the snow. it's about the renewal and the start of something new.
i'm by the window, watching the snow quietly dust the mountains and i feel peace. i'm putting the pain of the past seasons behind me and watching the world bring me something new, and i am grateful. i'm grateful for the snow.

a bit about my babies 9.30.15

beatrice

-bea's new favorite word is "actually" (axchlee!) she says it before making any kind of real statement. "axchlee i'm gonna eat my breakfast now mom. axchlee, i can't pick up my toys mom."

-bea had the most epic of epic tantrums last night. we told her if she didn't calm down we couldn't read books and she didn't so we didn't and she FLIPPPPED OUT! it was one of those tantrums where we as parents were trying SO hard not to laugh at her. it was so ridiculous. we were cracking up. but then she finally calmed down and i went in to tuck her in (for the umpteenth time) i played this song on my phone that she likes to listen to before she falls asleep sometimes (the rain song!) and i laid down next to her, and she whispered "roll over mom so i can scratch your back." she amazes me every day with how sweet she is. each day she proves to me over and over again that she is aware of others and wanting to improve the world she lives in.

-i was having a hard time the other day and went to my room to have a minute while brad watched the kids for a bit. i heard bea tell dad, "i'm gonna check on mom, ok?" and she wandered into my room and climbed onto my bed with me and said "how are ya feeling mom? are you feelin ok? want me to sing you a song?" it was the sweetest thing ever. she proceeded to sing "i am a child of god" to me and it gave me all the feels. i just love her to bits.

-so this happened in august but it's a good one. maybe i wrote about it already...checking now...ok i didn't. i have to remember this one it was just too good. so we were at a bridal shower that was outside, and bea had to go to the bathroom. i almost always have a little potty in the back of my van for situations like this but i forgot it so i took her behind a tree with a baby wipe and took off her pants and had her squat, which was easy enough until she started to poop, which complicated things. but she finished up and i wiped her up and she turned around and saw her poop and jumped away and screamed "OH NO!!! IT'S A SNAKE!!!!! IT WILL GROW AND GROW!!!!!!" and almost started crying haha i had to tell her it wasn't a snake it was her poop and she was just like "oh. cool." i ended up scooping it up with a diaper and that was that. it was such a funny moment. maybe you had to be there...i'm reading it now and it's not as funny. BUT YOU GUYS. it was. i couldn't figure out why she was saying it will grow and grow but then i realized (and this is a deep cut, you guys) the scary creature in "one fish two fish" (look what we found in the park in the dark, we will take him home, we will call him clark etc.) it says "he will grow and grow" which i'm assuming she just associated with scary things. so when she got scared of a snake, she exclaimed that it would grow and grow. her brain, y'all. it makes weird connections.

-she has started to want to pick out her clothes more. her favorites are her "pony pants" (these amazing unicorn galaxy leggings i found at target. the best.)

-she loves calling oliver a cutie patootie, which comes out more like "cuey patooey!"

-she is starting to sound out words! she's not even 3!!! she's known her letters for a long time but watching so much superwhy while i feed ollie has helped her a lot with building words. we sing "B says buh, b says buh, every letter makes a sound, b says buh" etc and today in the car she started singing, out of the blue, with no prompting, "P stands for popcorn! p stands for popcorn! every letter has a word, p stands for popcorn!" and yesterday we were listening to music from the lego movie and she goes "L is for Lego!" this happens more and more now. she is just so smart. i hate to be a braggy parent but, this girl. she is going places. and yet no preschools will take her because she didn't turn three before september. pfft. now if only she could get her colors straight.....

-she loves nature. we went up millcreek canyon today and she kept spinning slowly around with her arms out saying "mom what a beautiful garden! what a beautiful place! i love this place! this is a beautiful day!" she loves to comment when it's a beautiful day. it's too sweet.

-when i ask her what she wants to be for halloween, she always says "a happy ghost." sad that my choosing her costume days are over, but delighted that she doesn't want to be a princess for halloween.

spaghetti faces!

oliver

-he is starting to use his little voice now and ohhhh my gosh. the sounds he makes. so so cute. i think his voice has a slight rasp to it which i can't wait to see develop a bit more. he is going to have the cutest toddler voice. and he either opens his mouth super wide to make them or puckers his lips super small. always the cutest faces.

-he really isn't too much of what you would call a "content baby" like bea was. you pretty much need to be doing something for him all of his waking hours (and some of his sleeping ones!) or he will be fussy. he isn't a huge screamer but he will fuss or whine or cry a bit if you aren't feeding or entertaining him. it's cool when we have nothing to do but frustrating when i'm supposed to be cooking or driving or playing with bea or going to the BATHROOM (just..just..just can i go in peace?! i know. the answer is no, not til they're in college. and maybe not even then..!) when you ARE entertaining him though, holy cow he does the cutest little coos and faces. no laughs yet but we are so close!

-he continues to be a giant baby. he is in 6-9 months clothes already and he just turned 3 months last week. he is enormous. and his legs are starting to get little rolls! ohhh how i love his chub.

-he has really bad torticollis, which means he will normally only look to one direction, like if i hold him facing him head on, he will only look to his right, and when he lays down he only looks right, no matter what we try. it's made his head a great deal misshapen and we are going to have to fix it with physical therapy and if that doesn't correct it, it's helmet town for us. which is ironic because while i was pretty careful about not making "well when I have kids, they will never {insert ridiculous standard here}" except about helmets. i always said they were a plot by greedy pediatricians. but then i saw ollie's head and was like ok that kid needs a helmet. and my ped actually addressed that studies have shown that most be-helmeted kids don't show any real difference from kids that don't wear them, but kids with torticollis were left out of the studies. so hooray.

-he has the loudest, nastiest farts. all boy, this one. i have to constantly check to see if he's pooped but it's always gas. well like 99% of the time.

-i thought he hated baths all of a sudden but turns out he just hated the newborn insert in his new tub. which, duh because he's too big for it. i keep forgetting how big he is. he was technically a newborn when we got it but he was way too big for it. so now it's out and he's back to loving the tub. i love giving him baths at night.

-he faces outward in the baby carrier now which was another duh moment for me. of course he needs to face out, he's 25 in tall and 15 lbs. way too big for newborn style! which is ok becauuuseeee:

-his head/neck control is getting stronger! he is getting really good at supporting his weight. he stands up in my lap now too, strong legged little dude. i can't wait until he sits up on his own! maybe if he can play by himself or with bea he will stop being so fussy....

-he isn't a great day sleeper, his naps only last 30 min-an hour. a bit frustrating, esp since his waking hours are so demanding, but he sleeps 10-12 hours at night, so i'll take it. it's hard to deal with compromises like that with him because i literally never had to compromise with bea. she was always content and slept with perfect naps during the day and 12 hrs at night. i realize this is unusual but it's what i was used to and it's frustrating to have to make compromises! i'll get used to it though. hopefully. good thing he is so cute ;)

-he is a never-ending fountain of vomit. i thought bea used to spit up a lot but this kid takes the CAKE (and then throws it up.) we change his clothes several times a day and have to bathe him every night so he doesn't smell like barf all the time. we have some really attractive makeshift blanket drop-cloths all over our couch that make our living room look oh so lovely. we've tried every formula and bottle but nothing changes except the consistency of the throwup. (which by the way, bea told me i smell like throwup the other day. wonderful.) we talked to our dr about it but he's gaining weight and he's not in any pain soooo not much we can do about it except wait it out. and i kind of love bath time with him at night so. no real complaints here.

-if he ever gets unmanageably fussy and starts to get worked up and scream-y, white noise calms him down IMMEDIATELY. it's like flipping a switch. magic. i love it. i don't love the idea of dependency of white noise but like. it's pretty amazing and i may be changing my tune here pretty soon. if i keep it not too loud, it can't hurt right?

-if you can commit to holding him all the time, he really is the sweetest, happiest little chunk when he has your full attention. he smiles and coos and wiggles for me whenever i pick him up and it is just the cutest. i love seeing more of his fun personality!

always that big goofy smile when he talks (:

trying to crib train him. he takes all of his naps in there now and really doesn't want to be swaddled much anymore. he always naps with his arms above his head. i love it. ignore that big old scratch on his forehead. trimming his nails is scary!!!

in bea's old bouncer at gramma's house. i don't know why i love this picture so much. i love his face. and that hat is supposed to help him look the right way. it's so goofy.

smiling in his sleep (:

#thuglife

getting to know you

we blessed Oliver today!
not that i have any pictures of it or anything but it happened! so hooray! it was a nice day surrounded by family. we're prreeettty glad to be so close to everyone now. makes days like these a lot less work. and much less expensive. (no plane tickets, amiright?!)
anyway. oliver will be 7 weeks tomorrow and i feel like i finally know who he is as a person. or rather as a baby bc i don't feel like you know who they are as a person until they're like 18 months.

he had a few weeks where he was really gassy and constipated, and overtired from not sleeping because he was so uncomfortable, and he ended up just crying/screaming/fussing all. the. time. i had begun to think that i just ended up with a fussy baby when one day i fed him more than his typical 4 oz and he gulped it down! i was starving my poor baby! i guess i just could not fathom that a baby his age could want so much to eat but i guess you learn something new everyday. it didn't solve his gas problems though unfortunately. he wasn't screaming anymore but he was still visibly uncomfortable like 70% of the time. i felt bad for the poor guy so i finally posted a fb status asking people for help, -ANYTHING- to help with my poor, constipated, gassy baby. i got a lot of really great suggestions, and ended up switching his formula and using some special bottles and he is MUCH more content now. less gas, more poop (he even had his first blowout today at brad's parents' house. on their bed. oops). blowouts aside, smiles all around.

i've been able to re-read some of my favorite book on baby-sleep as well and it refreshed some great information. and now, since he's become more content, i've been able to get to know what he likes, what he doesn't like, how he likes to be soothed etc. and his day sleep has also been much improved. his night sleep has always been great. he's even started doing even LONGER stretches so basically for all intents and purposes, he's sleeping through the night. what can i say? i make great sleepers. during the day, he takes several naps at consistent times and intervals now, which is earlier than i remember bea falling into a predictable schedule. i love that he's more predictable now though, it will make toting him and bea around a bit easier. he likes to be swaddled and held close while falling asleep, while sucking on a pacifier. when he's ready to finally sleep he spits it out, i put him down, sort of on his side (but mostly on his back) and he sleeps wonderfully.

he's finally started to smile and coo a bit and i am loving it. i finally look at his face and think "how did i ever survive without you?" i'm not sure why it took so long to get to that place. i suppose it's just because i don't deal well with change. i had such a beautiful routine with just bea and i, and i think the break in it rocked me quite a bit; way more than it rocked her. she never once questioned that baby brother was ours and here for good. we had been talking and leading up to it for so long that when it finally happened, she was like "finally! yes!!!! i have a brother now! let's keep it!" whereas i was like "HOW CAN I LOVE TWO BABIES WHAT WAS I THINKING?! I AM A HORRIBLE HUMAN!" all of that has thankfully subsided and our family of four is perfectly complete.

i keep wanting to get family photos of the four of us, but i won't be happy if i immortalize myself at this size. call me vain but i don't want to pay for a photoshoot where all i'll see is how enormous i am. we'll get em done in october, when the leaves get pretty. (or as pretty as they get here. i will always miss my new england leaves. "fall foliage" if you will.)

anyway. i'm feeling better since my last post. i'm happier. i'm enjoying two more than struggling with two. and i know it will just keep getting better and i am just so excited for what our future holds. i love my little family!!!

and now some amazing pictures of my little loves from a spur of the moment candid shoot 2 weeks ago by a dear friend of mine.

i love his great big googly eyes

don't mind the pink flowery bouncer...it's a bea leftover we keep at gramma's house

life with two.

i've felt the need to write some things down lately.
i have a lot of feels. like all the feels.

bradley got to stay home with us for 2 weeks after oliver was born, which was amazing. the first week was all a blur of moving in and loafing about and sleeping and recovering and stuff. my mom was with us too which was really nice. but halfway through, i got slammed with baby blues. hard. i hate the term "baby blues". it trivializes something that is literally debilitating and terrifying. i was oscillating between either crying hysterically in the utter depths of total despair or staring off into space, completely zoning out and completely numb to everything, which freaked me out and sent me into a panic. i had one good day in between all of it but for the most part the second week post-partum was a terrifying display of all-encompassing depression and gloom. it was bad. i had this after bea for a while, except with her it didn't hit that soon, i had 4 really great months and then it slammed me for a long time before we could get it under control. so i was expecting a similar time frame this time around. and since i felt great in the hospital i thought i would be ok for a while. but like they say, each pregnancy/recovery is different. so we saw the proper professionals and started treating it the day before bradley went back to work, and i've been functioning and feeling much better.

week 3 was nice, even though bradley had to go back to work, my mom and abby came down for a few days to keep me company and make sure i was doing ok after everything that went down the week before, and then some good girlfriends of mine came by on the other days for a few hours to help me out. i mostly just needed company, and someone to help me entertain bea/hold the baby. i think bea was getting kind of bored of me since we were still homebound and a little stir-crazy. i ended the week with an amazing girls' night at my house with a bunch of my girlfriends from high school that all happen to live in utah right now. i am so blessed to have them close. it was a lonnnng night of laughter, snacks, stories and memories. a much needed boost from some of my very favorite people. and then on sunday i got to go to a missionary farewell from one of the kids i used to nanny back in connecticut many years ago (he was only 11 when i started!) which was wonderful. it was our first time bringing oliver to church and he was really good. (we only stayed for the first hour but hey! it counts!) i can never believe how many of my dearest friends ended up in utah! it makes me really happy to be here. it reminds me a little bit of what heaven will be like, surrounded by all of our closest friends, able to visit anyone of our dearly beloved at our own whims..

she was so bored with me and playing with the same toys by herself day in and day out. luckily our friends came to bail us out!

week 4 has been good too. i mean it's only wednesday but i've been able to get out of the house all by myself with both kids each day this week! (and even showered a few times!) and we are getting out again tomorrow! i have bea signed up for one of those trial tumbling classes at the little gym to see how she likes it. if she does, we will finally have a weekly activity again and be able to get back into something resembling a routine. oliver is a pretty good baby overall, he sleeps long stretches day and night still, waking consistently every 3.5-5 hours to eat. he does the 5 hr stretches at night which is awesome. brad takes the one night feeding and depending on when oliver wakes up, we switch off for the first morning one. if it's before 7:30 brad takes it and if it's after, i do it while he gets ready for work. the only thing oliver doesn't like is getting into his carseat. i reallllllllllllly hope he grows out of this soon bc we need to get in the car. a lot. and i would love to do that without 20 min of incessant screaming. he likes tummy time which is nice. he's even rolled over twice! we can't figure out if they were intentional or flukes but it's pretty impressive. he is huge and still growing and eating a TON. twice as much per feeding as bea was eating at this age. he is the size of a healthy 1.5 month old but he is still flopsy like a newborn so that makes some things a little problematic. like wearing him. he likes to be worn in my new wrap, and i like to wear him in it. BUT he is so big that his head doesn't like to stay inside the head fold of the newborn wrap..but it still works out ok. i need to be brave enough to wear it in a store or something now... i just hate getting him out of the dang seat! he hates getting in and out of it so much.... But, overall. good baby.

i'm going to be honest with you guys, it's taken me longer to bond with him than it did with bea, and that may partially be due to the PPD or maybe my guilt with having to divert my attention from bea at what was such a sweet moment in our lives. i'd be lying if i told you i didn't miss the days where it was just me and her sometimes. that doesn't mean i love oliver any less or have any regrets or anything, it just takes me a long time to get used to big changes. and this is probably the biggest change we will have for a verrrry long time.
i'm struggling a little with the newborn phase this time around too. i LOVED it with bea. and on the whole, i really do love newborns. but now that i have a toddler, i always feel rushed doing things with oliver so that i can get back to entertaining bea. and it frustrates me. i loved the slow days after bea was born where i literally had nothing to do but lay on my couch with a snoozing little newborn on my chest. but i can't do that all day err' day with this little snuglet. i got stuff i gotta do. plus it's summer so the ever-pressing need to go out and do stuff is always hanging over me. since bea was born in winter, i felt so much less pressure to be active. it was too cold to go out and do anything so staying in and doing nothing with her was very satisfying. like we were waiting out the winter together. i mean, there are definitely plusses to having a summer baby (no rsv, no billion layers of clothing, no worrying about whether they're freezing at night, etc) but the need to be out isn't one of them. at least not at the beginning. i am grateful now that i'm more into getting out and he is getting bigger that it's easier to just pop out the door without having to bundle up and stuff. i just find myself wishing away the newborn days every once in a while because i feel like i just don't have time for him to be so needy. like, i just know getting out and doing stuff will be so much EASIER once he turns 2-3 months. but i need to cherish these days while i have them because when they're gone, i'm never getting them back and it really is a sweet time. i need to release the guilt of plopping bea in front of a show while i feed and snuggle the baby because otherwise, i wouldn't get that time with him. one day we'll watch less tv, as a wise friend once told me, and i just have to keep telling myself that.
bradley, on the other hand, bonded with oliver instantly. it's been really sweet to watch actually. oliver LOVES him. he's more into the daddy than me right now i think, which is ok. he stops crying faster when bradley is holding him, likes it better when bradley swaddles him, feeds him etc. it's actually pretty adorable. it took brad a while to bond with bea because he was just so dang nervous about having a new baby. this time, he got right in there immediately and became super newborn dad right out of the gate. which really impressed me!
now that oliver is "waking up" a bit, and showing bits of his budding personality, it's been a bit easier for me. i feel like i'm getting to know him. it's weird, i never thought of new babies as strangers but that's totally what they are. they're a whole brand new person that you've never met and you really do have to take some time to get to know them. and it doesn't mean i love them any less. i mean, obviously i would do anything for him. since the moment they plopped him on my chest, i knew i would jump in front of a bus for him. i've loved him since day one. but i didn't know him yet. and i'm finally starting to feel like i do.
it's also funny to me that oliver looked(s) like a legitimate newborn. he's still a little goofy looking, as most newborns are. bea was like the only exception to this rule. she was such a bizarrely cute newborn, and we constantly heard about it from other people. so it's been a little...not disheartening really, but like. a blow to my pride? no.. i don't know. it's just been weird this time to not constantly be hearing praise for what we made. and i mean it's because he's a normal newborn! he doesn't have the dimples or the constant smile on his face like his sister did. which is fine! and he is totally getting cute in his own googly-eyed way. (i LOVE his googly eyes.) but i know what they mean now when they say that only a mother finds something cute haha

also, bea has changed so much during all of this, which is throwing me for a loop. i thought she would be acting out more or being a brat or maybe regress with her potty training or something. but that stuff hasn't happened much. she has instead become so incredibly precocious and outgoing, which she kind of has always been but she was a little more subtle about things before. and a little more coy. i think now because she is meeting SO many new people, she is really bursting out of her shell with extreme prejudice. i never really considered bea a "spirited child" before now; she's been pretty even-keeled and mellow on the whole, but now she is just bursting with bubbly energy and wants to be instant friends with everyone she encounters. subtlety is no longer in her social vocabulary. i suppose part of it is just her growing up, 2 and a half is a lot different from 2, and she's definitely made the leap. i kind of miss the sensitive, tentative part of her, which still peeks out sometimes, but is mostly eclipsed by the vivacious and gregarious kid she's becoming. and holy cow she is so smart. it's unreal. the pediatrician was (and most people are) shocked by how well she talks for her age and for how unabashedly communicative she is. she talks in long sentences, knows synonyms for most simple words (like she likes to say "GIANT!" and "HUGE!" instead of big, and "little tiny!" instead of small), and tells stories constantly. it's pretty adorable. she spent the whole ride down from midway yesterday reading imaginary books about dinosaurs and "BIG HUGE GIANT BUBBLES!" to me. it was pretttttty cute. her memory is also kind of scary. like i think she heard in passing one time that we moved to sandy and now she keeps referring as our house to "bea's new house. bea's sandy house." and yesterday on our way to story time, she said "we went to lots of story times when we lived by new york city!" and she saw a small pool on tv the other day and said "hey! that's like the splash pad in the city! i went to the splash pad with penny in her city!" which was like the first week of may, and she still remembers. she remembers evvvvverything. she's a smart cookie. and she lovvvves her baby brother. she hasn't had ANY negative reactions or feelings toward him at all. she always wants to help him out and make it better when he's crying. the only thing she's done that wasn't so stellar was the first day brad was back at work i had to take a break from playing dress up with her to feed the baby, and she took his bottle from me and ran away with it. but that was an isolated incident and i think now she gets that i'll pay attention to her again while/when i'm done feeding/changing/soothing the baby.

anyway. i don't want this to sound like a totally downer post, because i truly don't have any negative feelings about bringing oliver into our family. he definitely belongs here and we love him to pieces and he totally and absolutely completes our family. but going from one to two has been a struggle in ways i didn't really expect. and i don't think many people talk about it, because maybe they're ashamed. i thought i would struggle with like actual, physical tasks. like, the day-to-day keeping up with laundry, dishes, catering to both kids at once, going places etc. and while those things are harder with 2, i really haven't struggled with them. like at all. i'm on top of housework like a freaking boss and i'm getting stuff done and needs met. but emotionally it's been sort of a rocky road, which kind of blind-sided me. i thought our connection would be instant and that it would feel like he'd always belonged here with us, and that something was missing before and things all feel "right" now, when in reality it took time to get used to him and feel like he was "supposed" to be with us, if that makes sense. like it took a week or two for me to see him and not be like, "...what are you doing here?" which i think is a lot more common and normal than people would like to admit.  a lot of my friends just had their second children and all i've seen are instagrams and facebooks of my friends blowing up with "overwhelmed with love for our new little one" or  "we are so in love!" and "this is such a dream!" and blah blah blah and i feel like i missed something. i'm discovering online now (thanks to the google.) that a prolonged bonding process is TOTALLY normal with subsequent children and that i'm not alone, and i just wish someone would have told me it was a very likely possibility. because i felt (and still do sometimes) feel like a horrible mom and human being because it's taking me longer to get to know my second child than it did with my first. and i shouldn't feel that way, because it's completely normal. mom guilt you guys. the struggle is real.
i get a lot of moments here and there, just brief ones, where i see a glimpse into the future of bea and ollie playing together when he is bigger, or walking to school together, or telling each other jokes, being there for each other as teenagers, and my heart feels so full it could burst. i am so excited for the friends they are going to be. and those glimpses are what get me through the day. when i am struggling with dividing my attention between two, or feeling guilty for not giving all my love and affection to only bea, i remember those pre-memories (is that a thing?) and everything feels right. it feels like this is how it's supposed to be. these two need each other and i'm so glad i could bring him to her. and i'm so glad they're mine.