Showing posts with label random thoughts. Show all posts
Showing posts with label random thoughts. Show all posts

Wednesday, July 12, 2017

to the kind lady at the pool

monday was not stellar.

i lost oliver. like legitimate freak-out status lost.

we were at the library and i felt so smart checking out our books in the kids' area so i didn't have to deal with the lobby/atrium area. 

i forgot to scan the two movies bea chose so i figured i would just do them really quick at the front desk. 

there was a little thing off to the side that was one of those lifesize (in this case, toddler sized) poster portrait things with the head cut out so you can put your face in. ollie and bea ran straight for it (she was holding his hand) and i turned around to scan the two things quickly and i turned around and he was gone. completely gone. i asked bea where he was (she keeps surprisingly good tabs on him usually) and she had no idea. 

i told bea to stay put at the desk next to our giant book pile (which she did with perfection, bless that girl) and speed walked to the back of the library to the kids area and looked for him and he wasn't there. i ran into my visiting teacher and was like "sorry girl lost ollie talk later" so she was on the lookout too. 

she saw a woman out in the parking lot walking a toddler back to the library. oliver had somehow made it out of the library and had made it pretty far into the parking lot while i was in the back looking for him.

i was horrified, mortified, and embarrassed. i didn't react how i should have. after thanking the lady profusely and squeezing ollie tight in relief, i grumbled "you are in so much trouble little man" at him instead of weeping tears of joy that he was ok.

i left the library with the guilt of having lost him, the terror of realizing what could have happened, the embarrassment of reacting the wrong way, and shock at my stupidity in not checking the parking lot first. i just felt sick.

later that day, after ollie's nap (i snuggled the crap out of him and showered him with kisses when i put him down, to overcorrect) i got a text from brad's aunt asking if we were going to join them at the pool. i forgot i'd agreed to go a day or two ago, and i just really didn't want to go. but i did it. i packed everyone up and headed to the pool. halfway there, i realized i'd forgotten bea's floatie and almost just went home, but i didn't. i stuck it out, made it to the pool, and had a good time.

after we finished up, we went to the locker room to change for a little family dinner we were headed to. a nice 50/60 something lady became enchanted with ollie (because really how can you not?) and gave bea her due attention that a lot of people forget to do when gushing over sweet, cherub-faced ollie. she was sweet and chatted with them while i was getting them dressed so they wouldn't go crazy while i was peeling wet clothes off them and trying to shove dry clothes over slightly wet bodies.

after they were all changed, she looked me in the eye and said, "you are a good mom. i know it's really hard to get out and do things, but you made their day. you took them to the pool and they had a great time. you are a good mom."

even writing this now it almost brings tears to my eyes. how could she have known how much i needed to hear those words? who knows, maybe she says that to everyone but frankly i don't care. she said it to me on a day that i felt anything but a good mom.

so thank you, sweet pool locker room lady. you gave me that last little push i needed to finish my day without drowning in mom-guilt despair. you helped me wake up the next morning feeling capable and confident instead of broken and inadequate. your kind words meant more to me than you'll ever know.


Monday, January 2, 2017

i see you, 2017. we cool

i think 2017 is gonna be good. chill, if you will.
i've become so much more at peace this year after the trauma of 2015. i actually rocked ollie to sleep in tears last night, thinking of how hard i've come since his birth and how happy i am that he's mine. i am so grateful for my little family.
in this post, i outlined my goals for 2016. i can't believe i'm saying this, but i accomplished all of my goals. maybe they were too easy but i feel so happy that 2016 was so much better than 2015.

in 2016, i:
-lost 25 lbs
-had either a real date, or a "stay-date" each week with brad
-bought a house, and started making it over
-met several new people, through friends or through church, and reconnected with old friends
-got rid of a lot of clothes, bought new clothes, started wearing actual makeup, got 6 inches of hair cut off, and started doing my hair more.
-got out and about with my kids nearly every day
-did whole30 twice and kept most of the habits for our cooking and snacking
-started keeping the house cleaner with a planned out cleaning schedule
-got some side-hustle writing work

life is pretty good here. despite the sucky summer of the broken arms, (and the whole bizarre election situation...what??!) we've been pretty down with 2106. the kids are more work than they've ever been but we're in a good place.
i've never been big on resolutions but since last year's went so well, i think i may try some more.
so far, in 2017, i've decluttered, organized, and cleaned the house, lost all of the weight i gained over thanksgiving/christmas, taken down the christmas decorations, and got my first manicure and pedicure in MONTHS.

in 2017, i hope to:
-continue eating clean
-exercise regularly (cliche, overdone, yadda yadda yadda)
-read my scriptures more
-find constructive ways to direct bea's energetic, "spirited" behavior
-bulk up our rainy day/contingency fund
-continue my house-cleaning regimen
-practice piano more, and regain my previous skills
-change the floors in the house
-start the process of finishing our basement

it's an ambitious list, but i think we can do it!

right now i'm spending the last of the holiday weekend just how i like to, with my annual twilight zone marathon on SyFy. tomorrow real life starts again after brad's long vacation, but we've got a fun january planned, to be topped off with (finally) our trip to disneyland for bea's birthday. i think we'll even survive 2017's winter ok.
i'm optimistic. it's the first time we've lived someplace more than a year in YEARS and i haven't felt this settled in in a long time.
i love living next to our parents and i love living close to my sister. the last time i was settled like this was the first time we lived in connecticut when we lived close to my parents and sister, so the familiarity of that situation helps a lot with keeping me grounded.
i am excited to see what bea learns this year in school and in primary (what?!), and the year also started with ollie going to nursery, which is awesome.

this year is going to be fun.

Monday, October 17, 2016

A Conservative Mormon's Case for Hillary

I've had a lot of people reach out to me, publicly and privately from this Facebook post I posted yesterday: 


I have been researching Hillary pretty intensely the past few weeks, mostly because I believe she will be the next president, and I truly want to see if she deserves my vote. I feel like a lot of people have come to similar conclusions; several people have expressed it to me privately to avoid making waves with loved ones who feel differently. I have done my best to remain unemotional in such a charged election (mostly because I do not feel much affinity toward either candidate). I feel like a lot of people genuinely want to know who to vote for and have wracked their brains, and still remain completely at a loss. I felt it would be helpful to my friends who are still undecided to share my journey to voting for Hillary, and share my research sources, since I've lately done a lot of digging. I feel like I've found articles from publications of many different biases and leanings, and some that are strictly fact checking only. Am I super thrilled to be voting for Hillary? Not especially. She doesn't embody all of the issues I would like. But I am a fervent member of the #NeverTrump movement, and I need to know my options.  I'll mainly address my findings on moral issues, conservatives' constitutional concerns, the economy, abortion, and character claims, on why I've gone from deciding to simply not vote and despairing, to consciously choosing Hillary over Trump. I hope those of you who need help deciding will find my sources useful. So, here we go:

THE MORALS ISSUE

Morally, we as Americans feel backed into a corner. Neither candidate feels remotely moral, so the “I think he/she is a good person” argument has essentially been taken off the table for many people, which has drawn many of us to candidates’ past histories. But for the even more astute, those who remain truly and genuinely undecided, it comes down to policy, something that has seemed to fall onto the back burner this election, with the emotional fervor that’s been so prevalent.
This elections' voters, while probably the most dismayed, are perhaps among the most informed in a long time, simply because research is the best hope we have of making a decent choice, since basic character can't fully be relied upon.

Let’s focus on policy. Never in the history of America have we needed to be so focused on policy. There has never been such a large pool of undecided voters this late in the game. We can't focus on who we like more because we strongly dislike them equally. There's no party bias because both parties are equally exposed as "corrupt". As likability and party lines dissolve, is the only thing we have left simply policy? Is this America's first moment after years of polarization to focus solely on policy? This is how my feelings have been, personally, so far.

THE CONSTITUTION, ISSUE #1

Most Mormon Trump supporters' concerns with Hillary revolve around the Constitution. I have to admit, I have heard many worries from far-right conservatives that Hillary poses an enormous threat to the Constitution, but when I pressed to find out exactly how, I wasn’t able to find many answers from any of them. They would simply leave it at "She will destroy the Constituion!" After a little more prodding, it seems that the sensibility is a growing panic over globalism, which many view as contradictory to the Constitution (I disagree and will address this later). The view by ardent conservatives and Trump supporters seems to be this:
    • When people say “ globalist", they are referring to those who would give preference and precedence to global laws and decision making over our own Constitution. If you look at the history of it, it started with the father of progressivism, Woodrow Wilson and the League of Nations, followed by the United Nations. So virtually, to Trump supporters or far right conservatives, all people that label themselves as “ progressives” are lumped in as globalists. That is why many conservatives believe Obama has focused so much on saying that there is nothing "special or unique" about America and its tenets. It is widely viewed by conservatives that progressives believe we are just another one of many nations and our Constitution is no better than others, despite the fact that ours is the basis for virtually every constitution and rule of law in the free world. So essentially there are two polar opposites:  the globalists, which umbrella over progressives such as Hillary; and isolationists, which umbrella over conservatives such as Trump. (However, I firmly believe that Hillary genuinely believes America’s constitution was divinely inspired, while I firmly believe Obama does not).
Ideally, America is to fall somewhere in between: valuing and upholding our Constitution, while being a powerful and present force for good throughout the world. However as our parties’ views slowly polarize more and more, panic is beginning to snowball. Conservatives worry that our country will lose its identity as we cow-tow to the world’s whims, while progressives fear that we will lose our credibility and relevance throughout the world.
It seems this is more of a hot-button topic for conservatives and is the main reason for why they want Hillary out of office at all costs. They believe she will be able to accomplish this largely because of the supreme court justices she will have power to appoint, and that her legacy will continue for generations because of those justices. They favor Trump in this instance, convinced that his closing of borders and isolating ourselves from the rest of the world would keep our country and our people safer, and his justice choices will do the same.
I feel like this is dangerous rhetoric. Not only as an American but as a Mormon. The last time America was so firmly isolationist was during WWII, a part of our country’s history that I am perhaps most ashamed of. We knew of the suffering and genocide of the Jews and other groups from persecution at the hands of Hitler, yet we refused to actively join the Allies until very late in the game, and turned away tens of thousands of Jews seeking refuge back to death and torture in the hands of the Axis. We literally sent their ships full of refugees back to Europe upon their arrival in our waters. We are seeing history repeat itself right before our eyes, and, half of America would have us continue down the same path, angrily and hatefully dismissing and rejecting Muslims out of fear, as we did the Jews not so long ago. 
A lot of conservatives would argue that Muslims today pose a serious threat, while Jews were not seen as a threat by the Europeans, and therefore Trump is justified in his fear mongering. This is simply not true. Yes, jihadists are a serious threat and should not be taken lightly, but the widespread hatred, fear, and persecution of the general Muslim community is reprehensible. If you are familiar with history of the Holocaust, you’ll remember that Jews were perceived as an enormous threat to Europe at the time, with stereotypes of Jews with “dangerous ideaologies” and “plagues to honest merchants” among other things. Europe feared a Jewish takeover and hysteria ensued with disastrous results (https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/worldviews/wp/2015/09/02/europes-current-anti-migrant-rhetoric-carries-echoes-of-1930s-anti-semitism/). The similarities we see from Trump and his followers today are incredibly unsettling.
Haven’t we been admonished by the Savior to “clothe the naked and feed the hungry”? Or when we see others as strangers, we “take them in?” (Matthew 25:34-46). On top of this, we as Mormons have been DIRECTLY admonished by the auxiliary leaders of the church in General Conference to serve refugees through the “I Was a Stranger” initiatives and Church Humanitarian Services.
I find it hard to grapple with Mormons who support Trump’s radical notions of isolationism when doing so has led to so many horrors in the past. They worry so much about our borders that they forget the will of Christ. Hillary’s policies allow refugees into our country for us to serve and succor. Let’s not forget, that of roughly 1.6 billion Muslims in the world, the percent of Muslims who are jihadists are a "tiny fraction of one percent” (http://www.factcheck.org/2016/03/trumps-false-muslim-claim/). Let us also not forget, Hillary is intent on vetting refugees before they enter our country, she has said so herself (http://www.cbsnews.com/news/hillary-clinton-u-s-should-take-65000-syrian-refugees/).

So, ultimately, for me on the argument of the Constitution and globalization vs isolation, POINT HILLARY,  HILLARY 1, TRUMP 0.
    THE CONSTITUTION, ISSUE #2

    Far right Mormon conservatives and Trump supporters have also mentioned fears of the prophecies of the constitution "hanging by a thread” (https://www.lds.org/ensign/1976/06/i-have-a-question?lang=eng), although it has never been written canonically, but was mentioned in conversations and discussions with early Church leaders. But when Anti-Hillary/Pro-Trump supporters consider this notion, they seem to only think about their fear of globalization and Supreme Court justices. I have to wonder,  do they REALLY think that's what God and the prophets were worried about? Is that what the people in the Book of Mormon are worried about? I would have to disagree. The prophets, the people of the scriptures (particularly the Book of Mormon, as illustrated in the Title of Liberty https://www.lds.org/scriptures/gs/title-of-liberty?lang=eng), our founding fathers, and ultimately our Constitution, are built and united upon one important thread. Religious freedomThisis the "Constitutional Thread" they were likely talking about in the Latter-Days. Not globalization or Supreme Court justices. And is Hillary the antagonist of religious freedom in this election? Again, I would have to say no. That blatantly remains with Trump. I feel that Mormons in his favor are only blind to it because for once we are not the ones being persecuted, and have been very privy to he constantly rising anti-Muslim panic. Trump’s radical religious oppression is starting with Muslims, but what a slippery slope! He is advocating plastering a figurative "star of David" patch on all Muslims with his plans to have all Muslims “register in a database” (http://www.nytimes.com/politics/first-draft/2015/11/20/donald-trump-says-hed-absolutely-require-muslims-to-register/?_r=0). Let us not forget the horrors this logic has brought the modern world. Once that legislation of discrimination is in place, it's in place. And you know who is behind it most ardently? The GOP. Maybe, as much as we begrudgingly will admit it, Hillary's Supreme Court judges may be more supportive of religious liberty than those chosen by the GOP? We as conservatives may think they are crazy in most regards, but one thing they shout from the rooftops is tolerance, even though their definition of it is sometimes misguided. Better to have it there than not at all. Maybe we should rally behind that. Maybe they will truly make good on their promises to uphold religious freedom and tolerance without forcing everyone to homogenize. I know we've had issues with liberals in the past on religious with Prop 8 and things of that nature, but Trump’s policies on religious prejudice and discrimination are far more radical and frightening, and more contradictory to the very foundation of the Constitution. Say what you will about Hillary but she is a strong fighter for religious freedom and tolerance. 
    Her campaign has recently come under fire from leaked emails which said a lot of shady things about Catholics and Evangelicals that are pretty deplorable. Her machine is definitely hellbent on calling certain religions “backwards.” Yet from those emails, you find nothing derogatory about Christians coming from her mouth, as we hear endless hatred pouring from Trump’s. Her latest quote that people are running with, now that the emails have been leaked and religion is a hot topic for her, is from the 2015 Women in the World summit: "deep-seated cultural codes, religious beliefs and structural biases have to be changed”. This quote  initially troubled me until I researched and found it is enormously taken out of context. It sounds like she is saying religious beliefs need to be changed, but she is speaking about cultural codes and structural biases. The entire quote can be found here:



    She is essentially saying how women need a voice in every sphere, from religion to education, to healthcare. I believe this is in line with my religious beliefs. As a Mormon, we know that women are absolutely vital to the organization and administration of the Church. I don’t believe she means that religions should change their doctrine to fall in line with her “New World Order”, especially when that line is read in context. I feel like she, like myself, believes that world religions should always take into account the feelings of women, and to those who take religion to extremes by excluding or violently oppressing women should consider the actual teachings of their religion and whether they are giving them their proper due. 

    Furthermore, virtually most everything on record that Hillary herself has actually said has been in favor of religious freedom. Another article from the Deseret News posted this weekend also emphasizes this: http://www.deseretnews.com/article/865664936/Kem-Gardner-Why-Mormons-should-support-Hillary.html?pg=all . 

    In their recent townhall debate, Hillary brings up religious freedom a number of times, stating that our country is indeed founded upon religious freedom. (Transcript here: http://fortune.com/2016/10/09/presidential-debate-read-transcript-donald-trump-hillary-clinton/).

    Here is another rather unbiased article about her stance on religious freedom: http://www.advocate.com/election/2016/8/11/hillary-clinton-tells-mormons-shell-defend-religious-freedom

    I know a lot of people will still stand by the leaked emails from her campaign and I can’t fault them for that. They were pretty nasty. They believe because of this she is vehemently agains religious freedom. But I’m going to take her at her own word, what comes out of her mouth, directly to the American people. Not what her machine says to each other in snarky emails. 
    Trump, if permitted, would COMPLETELY erase religious freedom at its heart, and currently ceaselessly spouts that rationale directly from his mouth for the world to hear; with his blatant "othering" of the Muslim community, he has millions of the American people and leaders of the GOP behind him. It's truly, truly frightening. Can you imagine how Mormons would feel if Trump was treating us the way he is treating Muslims? Wanting us to "register" in a database and keep tabs on us? Not letting us into the country? Send us back to unsafe places to be slaughtered instead of welcomed and given refuge? It's not right. If Mormons would just stop and think about that I wonder if they would still stick with him. I’m not trying to be dramatic here or a panicked follower of Godwin’s Law (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Godwin%27s_law), but it very objectively looks exactly like Hitler did with the Jews. And you know what? Hitler got ELECTED, just as the American people are so close to electing Trump. Granted, if Trump does get elected there would definitely be some pushback from the House and Senate for all of his attacks on religious freedom, but the scary part is, I'm almost positive there wouldn't be any pushback from the GOP. This truly terrifies me. 
    Are we witnessing a radical shift as to which parties most support and uphold religious freedom and embody our ideals? Do we need to rearrange our bias? Do we need to fundamentally dissolve our American bipartisan party system as we know it and start over completely? This election has raised all of these questions for me. 

    So, in the name of religious freedom and as a Latter-day Saint, ANOTHER POINT HILLARY. HILLARY 2 TRUMP 0
      THE ECONOMY

      Fiscally and economically, I will never be a liberal or progressive, but as times get increasingly scarier I'm beginning to wonder as I look at the bigger picture, is this the most important issue at hand during this particular election season? Is it the most important issue during the last days? I'm not so sure. The economy ebbs and flows. It always has. Legislation against religious freedom cannot be as easily undone once the match is lit. We need to focus on what really, REALLY matters right now at thismoment with the candidates we are offered.
      Aside from xenophobic isolationism and othering, Trump’s campaign thrives on economic promises (however empty). Is this the adversary's way to distract us from what's truly important this election: religious liberties? I'd rather take fighting the small battles such as Prop 8 and the like, rather than an enormous issue we face as Trump tramples completely over religious liberties, and treats each Muslim as a criminal and enemy, playing directly into the hands of the desires ISIS has to divide us? Who will be next? Has Trump, in his divisive hatred rhetoric, brought what's truly important to light? 
      And as a side note, Hillary’s economic and tax policies are mainly moderate and will relatively maintain the status quo (https://www.hillaryclinton.com/issues/). If you are looking for a candidate that will drastically change what we have now, for better or for worse, you’d have to look elsewhere. Surprisingly, for all his talk on taxes and superiority to Hillary, their policies are relatively similar (https://www.donaldjtrump.com/policies/tax-plan). Substance-wise, his campaign is fairly lacking. Hillary, while through more liberal methods than I’d ideally like, has a very solid plan for job creation and improving American infrastructure (http://fortune.com/hillary-clinton-business/). I can get behind that. 
      POINT HILLARY. HILLARY 3, TRUMP 0.

      ABORTION

      Because Hillary is a Democrat, pro-lifers and many far-right Trump supporting conservatives are vehemently opposed to another Democratic presidency and flock to Trump as part of the unanimous “pro-life” party. As a pro-lifer considering Hillary, this gave me cause for concern. So I did some more research. Hillary’s personal stance as a Christian and Methodist, has been that it should be “legal, safe, and rare” (http://www.unionleader.com/article/20150729/NEWS0605/150729073&template=mobileart). I’ve just found out recently that she has since dropped rare from her wording for this campaign, which is unfortunate, but I truly believe this is politics. Her party is strongly pro-choice and she wants the votes. Sad, but politics are politics.
      People are concerned that she has voted in favor of late term abortions. However, so have all Republicans who believe there should be abortion exceptions for rape and incest, or danger to the life of the mother or baby. “…The House Republican late-term abortion bill that passed the House and failed in the Senate on a party-line vote included exceptions allowing late-term abortion if the child was conceived through rape or incest or the woman's life was in danger. When Hillary Clinton allows for those exceptions, [Christians] are told she "supports late-term abortion," but when Republicans make those exact same exceptions, they are awarded 100% Pro-Life voting records?” (http://www.christianpost.com/news/hillary-clinton-is-the-best-choice-for-voters-against-abortion-170258/). This fact, that she doesn't willy nilly support late-term abortions, greatly calmed my troubled nerves.
      As for her favor in funding for Planned Parenthood, this also gave me cause for concern. However, I did some research here too. Planned Parenthood only uses 3% of funding to fund abortions, which the federal government does not fund (http://www.factcheck.org/2011/04/planned-parenthood/). I also learned that abortions almost exclusively decline under democratic presidencies for several reasons outlined in this article: http://www.christianpost.com/news/hillary-clinton-is-the-best-choice-for-voters-against-abortion-170258/ . It’s an interesting statistic. But I would actually credit it to programs like Planned Parenthood. This quote resonated with me:  "It's no coincidence that abortions go up when Republicans are in charge and down when Democrats are. The two biggest indicators a woman will have an abortion are that she is poor (75% of women who have abortions make less than $23,000 and half make less than $11,000), and had an unintended pregnancy (half of U.S. pregnancies are unintended, and 43% end in abortion). Want to guess which political party is more effective at reducing poverty and unwanted pregnancies? I'll give you a hint. It's not the "pro-life" Party that in this last Congressional session alone fought to cut medical care for poor mothers and children, food programs for kids, and contraception coverage and access for women….So if abortion was outlawed in [...the states who’ve seriously tried to limit abortions], and no woman crossed state lines to get one, the most overturning Roe would achieve is a 10% reduction in abortions. Compare that to nearly 40 years of data showing that we would save more than three times as many unborn children by cutting the number of poor women in half. Increase contraception access, family leave, and improve pre- and post- natal healthcare, and we'd cut abortions by 50% or more.”(http://www.christianpost.com/news/hillary-clinton-is-the-best-choice-for-voters-against-abortion-170258/). This makes a very good case of her continued funding of Planned Parenthood. 
      If you recall this embarrassing interview with Donald Trump on abortion: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jGSttcyn2RI you'll know that Trump has literally NO idea about his stance on abortion. He can lump himself into the pro-life camp all he wants, but he hasn’t got a clue, with absolutely no convictions

      So again, POINT HILLARY. HILLARY 4, TRUMP 0.
        CHARACTER CLAIMS

        My last point, probably the one in the forefront of everyone’s mind at the moment, is that of the many, especially most recent revelations that Trump is, in fact, a sex offender. He is a despicable human being with no regard for the sanctity of womanhood or the respect of others, women in particular. Especially this week, women have come forward with accounts of him forcing himself violently upon them, groping them (even underneath their underwear) kissing them, and pushing them up against walls (http://abcnews.go.com/Politics/women-step-forward-sexual-misconduct-allegations-trump/story?id=42815475). Yet Trump supporters continue to stand behind him, reiterating that he isn’t “running for pope” (http://insider.foxnews.com/2016/10/08/nigel-farage-donald-trump-not-running-pope-president-ukip-brexit-hillary-lewd-comments”, or that Bill Clinton has said and done way worse, and while he was in office.
        Here’s the difference between Bill and Trump (which, by the way, this should be irrelevant because guess who isn’t running for president? Bill Clinton.) Bill Clinton is a womanizer and a philanderer (not unlike several of our founding fathers, i.e. Jefferson and Ben Franklin). Yes, he is very adulterous but he's not a serial sex offender. Trump is a sex offender and a sexual bully and criminal. The women who came forward about Bill admitted to "affairs" while women coming forward about Trump are victims of his assault and abuse.
        Bill Clinton may have been a womanizer, but he did not initiate his sexual exploits through bullying, force, or violence. In addition, Bill did it mostly behind closed doors, admitted it sheepishly, and slinked back with his tail between his legs each time (albeit probably with a smile on his face. ew). Trump however does it blatantly in the open, acknowledges it, does not apologize (apologizing if "people were offended" is a NON-APOLOGY), brags about how he could have assaulted better “choices” (http://www.cnn.com/videos/politics/2016/10/14/donald-trump-on-accuser-she-not-my-first-choice-sot.cnn), and, perhaps most dangerously, acts as if sexual bullying, assault, and abuse is normal, regular, ubiquitous, and simple locker room talk. This is not true, but may become so if we make such a deplorable, disgusting man leader of the free world.
        I get so tired of Trump supporters backing this man up when they hear these accusations come pouring in by dismissing it and saying “BUT HILLARY’S EMAILS!”, and the other favorite "Her rape defense case and laughing about it!" (which is completely overturned, contextualized, and debunked here: http://www.snopes.com/hillary-clinton-freed-child-rapist-laughed-about-it/). Yes, Hillary made a HUGE mistake with her email crisis. She has made MANY mistakes and questionable decisions in the past. She has lied frequently. She hasn't been a good role model. She has been shamelessly self-serving. But I firmly, FIRMLY believe that these flaws in her character are NOTHING compared to the danger of having such a disgusting, unapologetic abusive man as leader of the free world. 

        So, again, POINT HILLARY. HILLARY 5, TRUMP 0.

        I know this election has a lot of people very worried. As foretold in the scriptures, these times are terrible. But also as equally foretold, these times are among the most marvelous the world has seen. We have been promised that “iniquity shall abound” (D&C 45:27). However, we have been equally promised that they will only continue to become increasingly marvelous. President Hinckley has said: "The era in which we live is the fulness of times spoken of in the scriptures, when God has brought together all of the elements of previous dispensations...there has been a tremendous cascade of enlightenment poured out upon the world....There has been more of scientific discovery during these years than during all of the previous history of mankind. Transportation, communication, medicine, public hygiene, the unlocking of the atom, the miracle of the computer, with all of its ramifications, have blossomed forth, particularly in our own era. We take it for granted."
        (https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2001/10/living-in-the-fulness-of-times?lang=eng&_r=1). We need to remember that there is just as much good in the world as there is bad. Maybe more. The Lord always makes good in his promises. President Hinckley has also said "I have little doubt that many of us are troubled with fears concerning ourselves. We are in a period of stress across the world…. Do not despair. Do not give up. Look for the sunlight through the clouds...Do not let the prophets of gloom endanger your possibilities" (Ensign, Apr. 1986, 4–5). 


        This election, through how strongly it may seem, is not the end of the world. Let's not let it divide us as it has been. Let's rally as a people and continue to do good in this country and the world in a way that no other country can. Let's be a force for good in a world in need. We can't do that if we do not stand together. We can’t do that if we isolate ourselves so fervently from the rest of the world that we lose our presence. I’ve made my choice. This isn't meant to be a persuasive essay in favor of Clinton. I know many of us are at a complete loss. I was. NEVER in my life did I EVER think I would EVER vote for a Democrat. Do your research. I encourage you to seriously, humbly, thoughtfully, and prayerfully consider your decision. This is the path I have prayerfully been led down. I pray that we all can make sense if this muddled election and stand firm in our convictions.




        _________________________EDIT 10/17/16______________________

        THE SUPREME COURT JUSTICE ISSUE

        I have heard a lot of pushback from Trump supporters who have decided he is the best choice because he will appoint conservative supreme court justices. As for myself, in all honesty I want NOTHING MORE than a conservative supreme court. It would seriously be a dream come true. But again I have to ask at what cost?
        Trump supporters have repeatedly claimed that a 1-2 term Trump presidency would be worth it if we could solidify a strong conservative presence in the Supreme Court. They've asked “What could possibly happen in 4-8 years that is so awful, that it wouldn’t justify this?”
        I absolutely CANNOT get behind that argument. To me, it’s absurd.
        Really? What could happen in 4-8 years?

        Let’s take a look at good old American history.

        For instance, take the Internment of Japanese Americans in the 1940s.
        1. President Franklin D. Roosevelt and Adolf Hitler were sworn into office in the same exact month, January 1933. Hitler's ideologies were no secret to the rest of the world at this time. His rise to power had been in the works for several years leading up to his election as Chancellor. FDR, a frim isolationist, turned a complete blind eye. Germany attacked Poland in 1939. 6 years. That’s less than 2 presidential terms. 
        2. WWII began in 1939. FDR was a resolute Isolationist and initially refused to get completely involved, even though he knew of the terror ensuing in the rest of the world. He ignored pleas for refuge and assisting refugees, and pleas for aid in an offense against the most dangerous regime in recent history. He waited until an attack on American soil to do anything about the carnage ensuing throughout the globe. This was in 1941. 2 years. 2 years of astute isolationism, and there is an attack on American soil. 2 years. That’s half of a presidential term. Let’s continue.
        3. During our involvement in the war, American racial and culturally xenophobic hysteria against Japanese Americans (immigrants, or children of immigrants born in the US who had never even been to  Japan) soared to amazing heights. (sound familiar?) We entered the war in 1941. By 1942, "Roosevelt authorized the deportation and incarceration with Executive Order 9066, issued February 19, 1942, which allowed regional military commanders to designate "military areas" from which "any or all persons may be excluded."[9] This power was used to declare that all people of Japanese ancestry were excluded from the entire West Coast, including all of California and much of Oregon, Washington and Arizona, except for those in government camps.[10] Approximately 5,000 Japanese Americans voluntarily relocated outside the exclusion zone before March 1942,[11] and some 5,500 community leaders arrested after the Pearl Harbor attack were already in custody.[12] But, the majority of nearly 130,000 mainland Japanese Americans were forcibly relocated from their West Coast homes during the spring of 1942.”(https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Internment_of_Japanese_Americans)
        One year.
        One. Year.
        From the moment we entered the war, it only took one year for racial hysteria to become so prevalent that FDR forced over 100,00 AMERICANS into internment camps, a heavy majority of which (approx. 80,000) were SECOND AND THIRD GENERATION. “Given the shock and fear that followed the attack on Pearl Harbor, many consider the internment to have resulted more from racism than from any security risk posed by Japanese Americans.” (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Internment_of_Japanese_Americans)

        The similarities between the alarmism and xenophobia against Japanese Americans then and that against Islamic people now are startling and terrifying, except now we have a caveat: the discrimination we see now is religious.
        One year. That’s all Trump would need to do irreparable damage. To the American people, and to the Constitution. 
        So, what could happen in one (or two) measly terms with Trump as our president? A lot of things. This is just one very relevant example.
        Are you willing to risk that for a few supreme court justices?
        Not me.
        I'll take the risk of Hillary's choices for the Supreme Court in the name of avoiding what could truly be a catastrophic presidency with Trump.
        POINT HILLARY. HILLARY 6 TRUMP 0.




        A Conservative Mormon's Case for Hillary

        I've had a lot of people reach out to me, publicly and privately from this Facebook post I posted yesterday: 


        I have been researching Hillary pretty intensely the past few weeks, mostly because I believe she will be the next president, and I truly want to see if she deserves my vote. I feel like a lot of people have come to similar conclusions; several people have expressed it to me privately to avoid making waves with loved ones who feel differently. I have done my best to remain unemotional in such a charged election (mostly because I do not feel much affinity toward either candidate). I feel like a lot of people genuinely want to know who to vote for and have wracked their brains, and still remain completely at a loss. I felt it would be helpful to my friends who are still undecided to share my journey to voting for Hillary, and share my research sources, since I've lately done a lot of digging. I feel like I've found articles from publications of many different biases and leanings, and some that are strictly fact checking only. Am I super thrilled to be voting for Hillary? Not especially. She doesn't embody all of the issues I would like. But I am a fervent member of the #NeverTrump movement, and I need to know my options.  I'll mainly address my findings on moral issues, conservatives' constitutional concerns, the economy, abortion, and character claims, on why I've gone from deciding to simply not vote and despairing, to consciously choosing Hillary over Trump. I hope those of you who need help deciding will find my sources useful. So, here we go:

        THE MORALS ISSUE

        Morally, we as Americans feel backed into a corner. Neither candidate feels remotely moral, so the “I think he/she is a good person” argument has essentially been taken off the table for many people, which has drawn many of us to candidates’ past histories. But for the even more astute, those who remain truly and genuinely undecided, it comes down to policy, something that has seemed to fall onto the back burner this election, with the emotional fervor that’s been so prevalent.
        This elections' voters, while probably the most dismayed, are perhaps among the most informed in a long time, simply because research is the best hope we have of making a decent choice, since basic character can't fully be relied upon.

        Let’s focus on policy. Never in the history of America have we needed to be so focused on policy. There has never been such a large pool of undecided voters this late in the game. We can't focus on who we like more because we strongly dislike them equally. There's no party bias because both parties are equally exposed as "corrupt". As likability and party lines dissolve, is the only thing we have left simply policy? Is this America's first moment after years of polarization to focus solely on policy? This is how my feelings have been, personally, so far.

        THE CONSTITUTION, ISSUE #1

        Most Mormon Trump supporters' concerns with Hillary revolve around the Constitution. I have to admit, I have heard many worries from far-right conservatives that Hillary poses an enormous threat to the Constitution, but when I pressed to find out exactly how, I wasn’t able to find many answers from any of them. They would simply leave it at "She will destroy the Constituion!" After a little more prodding, it seems that the sensibility is a growing panic over globalism, which many view as contradictory to the Constitution (I disagree and will address this later). The view by ardent conservatives and Trump supporters seems to be this:
            • When people say “ globalist", they are referring to those who would give preference and precedence to global laws and decision making over our own Constitution. If you look at the history of it, it started with the father of progressivism, Woodrow Wilson and the League of Nations, followed by the United Nations. So virtually, to Trump supporters or far right conservatives, all people that label themselves as “ progressives” are lumped in as globalists. That is why many conservatives believe Obama has focused so much on saying that there is nothing "special or unique" about America and its tenets. It is widely viewed by conservatives that progressives believe we are just another one of many nations and our Constitution is no better than others, despite the fact that ours is the basis for virtually every constitution and rule of law in the free world. So essentially there are two polar opposites:  the globalists, which umbrella over progressives such as Hillary; and isolationists, which umbrella over conservatives such as Trump. (However, I firmly believe that Hillary genuinely believes America’s constitution was divinely inspired, while I firmly believe Obama does not).
        Ideally, America is to fall somewhere in between: valuing and upholding our Constitution, while being a powerful and present force for good throughout the world. However as our parties’ views slowly polarize more and more, panic is beginning to snowball. Conservatives worry that our country will lose its identity as we cow-tow to the world’s whims, while progressives fear that we will lose our credibility and relevance throughout the world.
        It seems this is more of a hot-button topic for conservatives and is the main reason for why they want Hillary out of office at all costs. They believe she will be able to accomplish this largely because of the supreme court justices she will have power to appoint, and that her legacy will continue for generations because of those justices. They favor Trump in this instance, convinced that his closing of borders and isolating ourselves from the rest of the world would keep our country and our people safer, and his justice choices will do the same.
        I feel like this is dangerous rhetoric. Not only as an American but as a Mormon. The last time America was so firmly isolationist was during WWII, a part of our country’s history that I am perhaps most ashamed of. We knew of the suffering and genocide of the Jews and other groups from persecution at the hands of Hitler, yet we refused to actively join the Allies until very late in the game, and turned away tens of thousands of Jews seeking refuge back to death and torture in the hands of the Axis. We literally sent their ships full of refugees back to Europe upon their arrival in our waters. We are seeing history repeat itself right before our eyes, and, half of America would have us continue down the same path, angrily and hatefully dismissing and rejecting Muslims out of fear, as we did the Jews not so long ago. 
        A lot of conservatives would argue that Muslims today pose a serious threat, while Jews were not seen as a threat by the Europeans, and therefore Trump is justified in his fear mongering. This is simply not true. Yes, jihadists are a serious threat and should not be taken lightly, but the widespread hatred, fear, and persecution of the general Muslim community is reprehensible. If you are familiar with history of the Holocaust, you’ll remember that Jews were perceived as an enormous threat to Europe at the time, with stereotypes of Jews with “dangerous ideaologies” and “plagues to honest merchants” among other things. Europe feared a Jewish takeover and hysteria ensued with disastrous results (https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/worldviews/wp/2015/09/02/europes-current-anti-migrant-rhetoric-carries-echoes-of-1930s-anti-semitism/). The similarities we see from Trump and his followers today are incredibly unsettling.
        Haven’t we been admonished by the Savior to “clothe the naked and feed the hungry”? Or when we see others as strangers, we “take them in?” (Matthew 25:34-46). On top of this, we as Mormons have been DIRECTLY admonished by the auxiliary leaders of the church in General Conference to serve refugees through the “I Was a Stranger” initiatives and Church Humanitarian Services.
        I find it hard to grapple with Mormons who support Trump’s radical notions of isolationism when doing so has led to so many horrors in the past. They worry so much about our borders that they forget the will of Christ. Hillary’s policies allow refugees into our country for us to serve and succor. Let’s not forget, that of roughly 1.6 billion Muslims in the world, the percent of Muslims who are jihadists are a "tiny fraction of one percent” (http://www.factcheck.org/2016/03/trumps-false-muslim-claim/). Let us also not forget, Hillary is intent on vetting refugees before they enter our country, she has said so herself (http://www.cbsnews.com/news/hillary-clinton-u-s-should-take-65000-syrian-refugees/).

        So, ultimately, for me on the argument of the Constitution and globalization vs isolation, POINT HILLARY,  HILLARY 1, TRUMP 0.
        THE CONSTITUTION, ISSUE #2

        Far right Mormon conservatives and Trump supporters have also mentioned fears of the prophecies of the constitution "hanging by a thread” (https://www.lds.org/ensign/1976/06/i-have-a-question?lang=eng), although it has never been written canonically, but was mentioned in conversations and discussions with early Church leaders. But when Anti-Hillary/Pro-Trump supporters consider this notion, they seem to only think about their fear of globalization and Supreme Court justices. I have to wonder,  do they REALLY think that's what God and the prophets were worried about? Is that what the people in the Book of Mormon are worried about? I would have to disagree. The prophets, the people of the scriptures (particularly the Book of Mormon, as illustrated in the Title of Liberty https://www.lds.org/scriptures/gs/title-of-liberty?lang=eng), our founding fathers, and ultimately our Constitution, are built and united upon one important thread. Religious freedom. This is the "Constitutional Thread" they were likely talking about in the Latter-Days. Not globalization or Supreme Court justices. And is Hillary the antagonist of religious freedom in this election? Again, I would have to say no. That blatantly remains with Trump. I feel that Mormons in his favor are only blind to it because for once we are not the ones being persecuted, and have been very privy to he constantly rising anti-Muslim panic. Trump’s radical religious oppression is starting with Muslims, but what a slippery slope! He is advocating plastering a figurative "star of David" patch on all Muslims with his plans to have all Muslims “register in a database” (http://www.nytimes.com/politics/first-draft/2015/11/20/donald-trump-says-hed-absolutely-require-muslims-to-register/?_r=0). Let us not forget the horrors this logic has brought the modern world. Once that legislation of discrimination is in place, it's in place. And you know who is behind it most ardently? The GOP. Maybe, as much as we begrudgingly will admit it, Hillary's Supreme Court judges may be more supportive of religious liberty than those chosen by the GOP? We as conservatives may think they are crazy in most regards, but one thing they shout from the rooftops is tolerance, even though their definition of it is sometimes misguided. Better to have it there than not at all. Maybe we should rally behind that. Maybe they will truly make good on their promises to uphold religious freedom and tolerance without forcing everyone to homogenize. I know we've had issues with liberals in the past on religious with Prop 8 and things of that nature, but Trump’s policies on religious prejudice and discrimination are far more radical and frightening, and more contradictory to the very foundation of the Constitution. Say what you will about Hillary but she is a strong fighter for religious freedom and tolerance. 
        Her campaign has recently come under fire from leaked emails which said a lot of shady things about Catholics and Evangelicals that are pretty deplorable. Her machine is definitely hellbent on calling certain religions “backwards.” Yet from those emails, you find nothing derogatory about Christians coming from her mouth, as we hear endless hatred pouring from Trump’s. Her latest quote that people are running with, now that the emails have been leaked and religion is a hot topic for her, is from the 2015 Women in the World summit: "deep-seated cultural codes, religious beliefs and structural biases have to be changed”. This quote  initially troubled me until I researched and found it is enormously taken out of context. It sounds like she is saying religious beliefs need to be changed, but she is speaking about cultural codes and structural biases. The entire quote can be found here:



        She is essentially saying how women need a voice in every sphere, from religion to education, to healthcare. I believe this is in line with my religious beliefs. As a Mormon, we know that women are absolutely vital to the organization and administration of the Church. I don’t believe she means that religions should change their doctrine to fall in line with her “New World Order”, especially when that line is read in context. I feel like she, like myself, believes that world religions should always take into account the feelings of women, and to those who take religion to extremes by excluding or violently oppressing women should consider the actual teachings of their religion and whether they are giving them their proper due. 
        Furthermore, virtually most everything on record that Hillary herself has actually said has been in favor of religious freedom. Another article from the Deseret News posted this weekend also emphasizes this: http://www.deseretnews.com/article/865664936/Kem-Gardner-Why-Mormons-should-support-Hillary.html?pg=all . 
        In their recent townhall debate, Hillary brings up religious freedom a number of times, stating that our country is indeed founded upon religious freedom. (Transcript here: http://fortune.com/2016/10/09/presidential-debate-read-transcript-donald-trump-hillary-clinton/).
        Here is another rather unbiased article about her stance on religious freedom: http://www.advocate.com/election/2016/8/11/hillary-clinton-tells-mormons-shell-defend-religious-freedom
        I know a lot of people will still stand by the leaked emails from her campaign and I can’t fault them for that. They were pretty nasty. They believe because of this she is vehemently agains religious freedom. But I’m going to take her at her own word, what comes out of her mouth, directly to the American people. Not what her machine says to each other in snarky emails. 
        Trump, if permitted, would COMPLETELY erase religious freedom at its heart, and currently ceaselessly spouts that rationale directly from his mouth for the world to hear; with his blatant "othering" of the Muslim community, he has millions of the American people and leaders of the GOP behind him. It's truly, truly frightening. Can you imagine how Mormons would feel if Trump was treating us the way he is treating Muslims? Wanting us to "register" in a database and keep tabs on us? Not letting us into the country? Send us back to unsafe places to be slaughtered instead of welcomed and given refuge? It's not right. If Mormons would just stop and think about that I wonder if they would still stick with him. I’m not trying to be dramatic here or a panicked follower of Godwin’s Law (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Godwin%27s_law), but it very objectively looks exactly like Hitler did with the Jews. And you know what? Hitler got ELECTED, just as the American people are so close to electing Trump. Granted, if Trump does get elected there would definitely be some pushback from the House and Senate for all of his attacks on religious freedom, but the scary part is, I'm almost positive there wouldn't be any pushback from the GOP. This truly terrifies me. 
        Are we witnessing a radical shift as to which parties most support and uphold religious freedom and embody our ideals? Do we need to rearrange our bias? Do we need to fundamentally dissolve our American bipartisan party system as we know it and start over completely? This election has raised all of these questions for me. 

        So, in the name of religious freedom and as a Latter-day Saint, ANOTHER POINT HILLARY. HILLARY 2 TRUMP 0
        THE ECONOMY

        Fiscally and economically, I will never be a liberal or progressive, but as times get increasingly scarier I'm beginning to wonder as I look at the bigger picture, is this the most important issue at hand during this particular election season? Is it the most important issue during the last days? I'm not so sure. The economy ebbs and flows. It always has. Legislation against religious freedom cannot be as easily undone once the match is lit. We need to focus on what really, REALLY matters right now at this moment with the candidates we are offered.
        Aside from xenophobic isolationism and othering, Trump’s campaign thrives on economic promises (however empty). Is this the adversary's way to distract us from what's truly important this election: religious liberties? I'd rather take fighting the small battles such as Prop 8 and the like, rather than an enormous issue we face as Trump tramples completely over religious liberties, and treats each Muslim as a criminal and enemy, playing directly into the hands of the desires ISIS has to divide us? Who will be next? Has Trump, in his divisive hatred rhetoric, brought what's truly important to light? 
        And as a side note, Hillary’s economic and tax policies are mainly moderate and will relatively maintain the status quo (https://www.hillaryclinton.com/issues/). If you are looking for a candidate that will drastically change what we have now, for better or for worse, you’d have to look elsewhere. Surprisingly, for all his talk on taxes and superiority to Hillary, their policies are relatively similar (https://www.donaldjtrump.com/policies/tax-plan). Substance-wise, his campaign is fairly lacking. Hillary, while through more liberal methods than I’d ideally like, has a very solid plan for job creation and improving American infrastructure (http://fortune.com/hillary-clinton-business/). I can get behind that. 
        POINT HILLARY. HILLARY 3, TRUMP 0.

        ABORTION

        Because Hillary is a Democrat, pro-lifers and many far-right Trump supporting conservatives are vehemently opposed to another Democratic presidency and flock to Trump as part of the unanimous “pro-life” party. As a pro-lifer considering Hillary, this gave me cause for concern. So I did some more research. Hillary’s personal stance as a Christian and Methodist, has been that it should be “legal, safe, and rare” (http://www.unionleader.com/article/20150729/NEWS0605/150729073&template=mobileart). I’ve just found out recently that she has since dropped rare from her wording for this campaign, which is unfortunate, but I truly believe this is politics. Her party is strongly pro-choice and she wants the votes. Sad, but politics are politics.
        People are concerned that she has voted in favor of late term abortions. However, so have all Republicans who believe there should be abortion exceptions for rape and incest, or danger to the life of the mother or baby. “…The House Republican late-term abortion bill that passed the House and failed in the Senate on a party-line vote included exceptions allowing late-term abortion if the child was conceived through rape or incest or the woman's life was in danger. When Hillary Clinton allows for those exceptions, [Christians] are told she "supports late-term abortion," but when Republicans make those exact same exceptions, they are awarded 100% Pro-Life voting records?” (http://www.christianpost.com/news/hillary-clinton-is-the-best-choice-for-voters-against-abortion-170258/). This fact, that she doesn't willy nilly support late-term abortions, greatly calmed my troubled nerves.
        As for her favor in funding for Planned Parenthood, this also gave me cause for concern. However, I did some research here too. Planned Parenthood only uses 3% of funding to fund abortions, which the federal government does not fund (http://www.factcheck.org/2011/04/planned-parenthood/). I also learned that abortions almost exclusively decline under democratic presidencies for several reasons outlined in this article: http://www.christianpost.com/news/hillary-clinton-is-the-best-choice-for-voters-against-abortion-170258/ . It’s an interesting statistic. But I would actually credit it to programs like Planned Parenthood. This quote resonated with me:  "It's no coincidence that abortions go up when Republicans are in charge and down when Democrats are. The two biggest indicators a woman will have an abortion are that she is poor (75% of women who have abortions make less than $23,000 and half make less than $11,000), and had an unintended pregnancy (half of U.S. pregnancies are unintended, and 43% end in abortion). Want to guess which political party is more effective at reducing poverty and unwanted pregnancies? I'll give you a hint. It's not the "pro-life" Party that in this last Congressional session alone fought to cut medical care for poor mothers and children, food programs for kids, and contraception coverage and access for women….So if abortion was outlawed in [...the states who’ve seriously tried to limit abortions], and no woman crossed state lines to get one, the most overturning Roe would achieve is a 10% reduction in abortions. Compare that to nearly 40 years of data showing that we would save more than three times as many unborn children by cutting the number of poor women in half. Increase contraception access, family leave, and improve pre- and post- natal healthcare, and we'd cut abortions by 50% or more.”(http://www.christianpost.com/news/hillary-clinton-is-the-best-choice-for-voters-against-abortion-170258/). This makes a very good case of her continued funding of Planned Parenthood. 
        If you recall this embarrassing interview with Donald Trump on abortion: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jGSttcyn2RI you'll know that Trump has literally NO idea about his stance on abortion. He can lump himself into the pro-life camp all he wants, but he hasn’t got a clue, with absolutely no convictions

        So again, POINT HILLARY. HILLARY 4, TRUMP 0.
        CHARACTER CLAIMS

        My last point, probably the one in the forefront of everyone’s mind at the moment, is that of the many, especially most recent revelations that Trump is, in fact, a sex offender. He is a despicable human being with no regard for the sanctity of womanhood or the respect of others, women in particular. Especially this week, women have come forward with accounts of him forcing himself violently upon them, groping them (even underneath their underwear) kissing them, and pushing them up against walls (http://abcnews.go.com/Politics/women-step-forward-sexual-misconduct-allegations-trump/story?id=42815475). Yet Trump supporters continue to stand behind him, reiterating that he isn’t “running for pope” (http://insider.foxnews.com/2016/10/08/nigel-farage-donald-trump-not-running-pope-president-ukip-brexit-hillary-lewd-comments”, or that Bill Clinton has said and done way worse, and while he was in office.
        Here’s the difference between Bill and Trump (which, by the way, this should be irrelevant because guess who isn’t running for president? Bill Clinton.) Bill Clinton is a womanizer and a philanderer (not unlike several of our founding fathers, i.e. Jefferson and Ben Franklin). Yes, he is very adulterous but he's not a serial sex offender. Trump is a sex offender and a sexual bully and criminal. The women who came forward about Bill admitted to "affairs" while women coming forward about Trump are victims of his assault and abuse.
        Bill Clinton may have been a womanizer, but he did not initiate his sexual exploits through bullying, force, or violence. In addition, Bill did it mostly behind closed doors, admitted it sheepishly, and slinked back with his tail between his legs each time (albeit probably with a smile on his face. ew). Trump however does it blatantly in the open, acknowledges it, does not apologize (apologizing if "people were offended" is a NON-APOLOGY), brags about how he could have assaulted better “choices” (http://www.cnn.com/videos/politics/2016/10/14/donald-trump-on-accuser-she-not-my-first-choice-sot.cnn), and, perhaps most dangerously, acts as if sexual bullying, assault, and abuse is normal, regular, ubiquitous, and simple locker room talk. This is not true, but may become so if we make such a deplorable, disgusting man leader of the free world.
        I get so tired of Trump supporters backing this man up when they hear these accusations come pouring in by dismissing it and saying “BUT HILLARY’S EMAILS!”, and the other favorite "Her rape defense case and laughing about it!" (which is completely overturned, contextualized, and debunked here: http://www.snopes.com/hillary-clinton-freed-child-rapist-laughed-about-it/). Yes, Hillary made a HUGE mistake with her email crisis. She has made MANY mistakes and questionable decisions in the past. She has lied frequently. She hasn't been a good role model. She has been shamelessly self-serving. But I firmly, FIRMLY believe that these flaws in her character are NOTHING compared to the danger of having such a disgusting, unapologetic abusive man as leader of the free world. 

        So, again, POINT HILLARY. HILLARY 5, TRUMP 0.

        I know this election has a lot of people very worried. As foretold in the scriptures, these times are terrible. But also as equally foretold, these times are among the most marvelous the world has seen. We have been promised that “iniquity shall abound” (D&C 45:27). However, we have been equally promised that they will only continue to become increasingly marvelous. President Hinckley has said: "The era in which we live is the fulness of times spoken of in the scriptures, when God has brought together all of the elements of previous dispensations...there has been a tremendous cascade of enlightenment poured out upon the world....There has been more of scientific discovery during these years than during all of the previous history of mankind. Transportation, communication, medicine, public hygiene, the unlocking of the atom, the miracle of the computer, with all of its ramifications, have blossomed forth, particularly in our own era. We take it for granted."
        (https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2001/10/living-in-the-fulness-of-times?lang=eng&_r=1). We need to remember that there is just as much good in the world as there is bad. Maybe more. The Lord always makes good in his promises. President Hinckley has also said "I have little doubt that many of us are troubled with fears concerning ourselves. We are in a period of stress across the world…. Do not despair. Do not give up. Look for the sunlight through the clouds...Do not let the prophets of gloom endanger your possibilities" (Ensign, Apr. 1986, 4–5). 

        This election, through how strongly it may seem, is not the end of the world. Let's not let it divide us as it has been. Let's rally as a people and continue to do good in this country and the world in a way that no other country can. Let's be a force for good in a world in need. We can't do that if we do not stand together. We can’t do that if we isolate ourselves so fervently from the rest of the world that we lose our presence. I’ve made my choice. This isn't meant to be a persuasive essay in favor of Clinton. I know many of us are at a complete loss. I was. NEVER in my life did I EVER think I would EVER vote for a Democrat. Do your research. I encourage you to seriously, humbly, thoughtfully, and prayerfully consider your decision. This is the path I have prayerfully been led down. I pray that we all can make sense if this muddled election and stand firm in our convictions.







        Tuesday, September 27, 2016

        utah fall take two, and some random ramblings.

        despite our brittle bones around here, this summer was one of my busiest yet! it was so great to spend almost every single day out and about (i can count on one hand the number of days we stayed home), bending to all of our whims, bringing picnic lunches everywhere we went, spending at least 2 days by the pool every week, living life completely on our own schedule and on our own terms. so great.
        if you know me though, you know fall is my favorite. this second fall in utah, while less painful than last, makes me ache for new england and the city. i miss driving down the meritt parkway and being covered in a canopy of red, orange, and gold. i miss being surrounded by masses of leaves and the smell of leaf piles mixed with that cool weather smell of burning furnaces in the air. i miss hidden apple orchards in the country complete with a perfect, free-growing pumpkin patch.
        there is a field of short apple trees on a huge busy street near my house here, i saw some people there picking apples next to a busy street and about cried. that's not how fall is supposed to be! it was so wrong! everyone tells me i'll find fall up in the mountains, but i drove through big cottonwood canyon the other day all the way up to snowbird and all i saw was masses of dry, brown scrub oak. i can't stand it. i'm giving the mountains one more chance today and heading up to my mom's through guardsman pass, but if it disappoints i'm going to be so sad.
        on a more positive note, though; some great things about fall starting, besides my consistent lighting of my favorite fall yankee candle, are some changes in bea's schedule. she's finally started preschool and LOVES it! she already has a best friend and looks forward to going every tuesday and thursday. she goes to dance class on monday and seems to like it very much. it's been a little clunky being on a schedule instead of just packing up and going somewhere any time we want but i think it's been good for us. schedules are getting easier. i've finally gotten in gear and have gotten on top of house work. i used to be so scared of house work because i would try and knock it all out on saturday and i became very weary and overwhelmed, but i found a great schedule for cleaning through the week on pinterest, and it's really improved the atmosphere of our home. we start each day with our cleaning chores after breakfast and it really sets the tone for our day. we throw on some happy music and dance through our chores. it's fun. and it's teaching bea how to do housework (she loves to help dust and mop). i've even managed to stay on top of dishes, which if you know me, you know that that is completely insane. there's almost no dishes for bradley to help with when he gets home because everything is already in the dishwasher! (he used to be our resident dish-doer when i was pregnant/dealing with new baby stuff).
        and, while our house is still a glaring yellow, we are almost ready to get it painted which will also GREATLY improve our time at home. sometimes that yellow stares me down so hard i feel like i'm going to break. after we paint i'm not sure what we'll do next, either the floors or get to work putting drywall up in the basement. sky's the limit.
        bradley gets his brace off in just a couple weeks and has been doing physical therapy for a few weeks. we were even able to hang our curtains, change some light bulbs together on our high ceilings and program our garage door opener with my car! i can't believe we are finally knocking out some of our honey-dos that have been sitting on the back burner since may!
        also, since we're in this house for the long haul, i finally feel like actually decorating! i haven't put anything on the walls yet since we are just going to paint soon anyway, but i've been putting up some halloween decorations and it makes everything feel so much more homey and festive. desert climate be damned, i am going to fake it til i make it!
        OH and another great thing about fall! CONFERENCE! one of my besties got me SWEET tickets to the women's meeting and we went with her sister, another friend, and my mom and sister and it was just spectacular. it was the best women's meeting since we started combining with the senior primary and YW girls. every single talk was riveting and when it ended i was like "wait! it's over? we haven't heard the boring one yet! that went by so quickly!" Sister Stephens's talk about the atonement brought such peace to my soul that i cried like a baby. it was magnificent. after the meeting we went out for dinner at a little french restaurant and just had the best time swapping stories (and desserts!) and sharing memories we had from growing up together in texas. i am so glad i'm able to live close to some childhood friends (really, like family) and to live in utah where i can attend conference in person. the spirit there was so amazing.
        and another thing: this is related, i promise, i read a book this month for one of my book clubs about a woman who escaped the Warren Jeffs FLDS polygamist community to live life as normal member of society with her 8 children. it was fascinating and it got me thinking. these people truly believed what they were preaching. they believed that the complete oppression of wives and children at the hands of their husbands was the noble will of god, and that their revelations of who should marry who came from god. i could go on and on about the brainwashing there but i wondered, how do we differentiate? how is our belief in god true, how can we stand by our convictions and know we are right, while these other people in this other community also believe everything they are being taught is right? they claim to have "revelations" all the time, how are those set apart from what we believe to be true? i was having this conversation with brad the other day and he said, very matter of factly, "well by their fruits right? what kind of god would teach oppression and abuse and oppose free thought?" and he was definitely right. i felt like a dummy for even wondering. the woman who wrote the book very frequently said, that she and many other women in the community, had so many gut feelings that told them "this is wrong" but they were so brainwashed they shoved those thoughts away to do instead what their leaders were forcing them to do. they got physically abused if they voiced those opinions. what those women were feeling was the spirit! the spirit was telling them "this is wrong. this is not the way things should be." the spirit was in direct conflict with what the evil men of the FLDS church were preaching. whenever we listen to the prophet speak, or read the scriptures, our gut tells us, i don't care who you are or what you believe, that it's right. that god is a loving being who would NEVER stand for what goes on in those communities. the teachings of our modern day prophets and the scriptures only testify of doing good, loving others, and the granting of personal agency from a loving father who would never force or oppress.
        i felt the truth of the gospel so strongly at the meeting on saturday night. it's not because i'm brainwashed into believing the teachings of the church. believing blindly what someone says isn't the point of the gospel, it never has been. we listen to them, but more importantly we listen to the spirit. when they speak to us, our gut will never tell us "this is wrong. this isn't how it's supposed to be". i can't wait to see what the rest of conference this weekend has to bring! we'll be spending it in idaho with my brother and sister and parents and it will just be great, i know it! i'll do everything i can to spiritually prepare! our primary program was on sunday, and my class (the 5 year olds) did a great job. and it was everything i could do not the break down and cry listening to them sing the songs. my favorite one from this year was "gethsemane" here are the words:

        Jesus climbed the hill
        To the garden still
        His steps were heavy and slow
        Love and a prayer
        Took Him there
        To the place only He could go

        Gethsemane
        Jesus loves me
        So He went willingly
        To Gethsemane

        He felt all that was sad, wicked or bad
        All the pain we would ever know
        While His friends were asleep
        He fought to keep
        His promise made long ago

        Gethsemane
        Jesus loves me
        So He went willingly
        To Gethsemane

        The hardest thing That ever was done
        The greatest pain that ever was known
        The biggest battle that ever was won
        This was done by Jesus.
        The fight was won by Jesus.

        Gethsemane
        Jesus loves me
        So he gave His gift to me
        In Gethsemane

        Gethsemane
        Jesus loves me
        So he gives His gift to me
        From Gethsemane



        There's something about listening to children singing songs about christ that seriously makes it impossible for me not to weep like a baby. i had that song stuck in my head this morning and sang it with bea as i did the dishes and it set the tone for our home for the rest of the day! (even oliver joined in. the only song he knows is the "ahhhhh" part from ariel, but he sings it with us every time we sing a song. my love for that boy knows no bounds.) i love the gospel and all the joy it brings to my life!! i can't wait for conference!!!!!!!!!!

        also if you made it this far, congratulations. leave your address and i will send you your medal