utah fall take two, and some random ramblings.

despite our brittle bones around here, this summer was one of my busiest yet! it was so great to spend almost every single day out and about (i can count on one hand the number of days we stayed home), bending to all of our whims, bringing picnic lunches everywhere we went, spending at least 2 days by the pool every week, living life completely on our own schedule and on our own terms. so great.
if you know me though, you know fall is my favorite. this second fall in utah, while less painful than last, makes me ache for new england and the city. i miss driving down the meritt parkway and being covered in a canopy of red, orange, and gold. i miss being surrounded by masses of leaves and the smell of leaf piles mixed with that cool weather smell of burning furnaces in the air. i miss hidden apple orchards in the country complete with a perfect, free-growing pumpkin patch.
there is a field of short apple trees on a huge busy street near my house here, i saw some people there picking apples next to a busy street and about cried. that's not how fall is supposed to be! it was so wrong! everyone tells me i'll find fall up in the mountains, but i drove through big cottonwood canyon the other day all the way up to snowbird and all i saw was masses of dry, brown scrub oak. i can't stand it. i'm giving the mountains one more chance today and heading up to my mom's through guardsman pass, but if it disappoints i'm going to be so sad.
on a more positive note, though; some great things about fall starting, besides my consistent lighting of my favorite fall yankee candle, are some changes in bea's schedule. she's finally started preschool and LOVES it! she already has a best friend and looks forward to going every tuesday and thursday. she goes to dance class on monday and seems to like it very much. it's been a little clunky being on a schedule instead of just packing up and going somewhere any time we want but i think it's been good for us. schedules are getting easier. i've finally gotten in gear and have gotten on top of house work. i used to be so scared of house work because i would try and knock it all out on saturday and i became very weary and overwhelmed, but i found a great schedule for cleaning through the week on pinterest, and it's really improved the atmosphere of our home. we start each day with our cleaning chores after breakfast and it really sets the tone for our day. we throw on some happy music and dance through our chores. it's fun. and it's teaching bea how to do housework (she loves to help dust and mop). i've even managed to stay on top of dishes, which if you know me, you know that that is completely insane. there's almost no dishes for bradley to help with when he gets home because everything is already in the dishwasher! (he used to be our resident dish-doer when i was pregnant/dealing with new baby stuff).
and, while our house is still a glaring yellow, we are almost ready to get it painted which will also GREATLY improve our time at home. sometimes that yellow stares me down so hard i feel like i'm going to break. after we paint i'm not sure what we'll do next, either the floors or get to work putting drywall up in the basement. sky's the limit.
bradley gets his brace off in just a couple weeks and has been doing physical therapy for a few weeks. we were even able to hang our curtains, change some light bulbs together on our high ceilings and program our garage door opener with my car! i can't believe we are finally knocking out some of our honey-dos that have been sitting on the back burner since may!
also, since we're in this house for the long haul, i finally feel like actually decorating! i haven't put anything on the walls yet since we are just going to paint soon anyway, but i've been putting up some halloween decorations and it makes everything feel so much more homey and festive. desert climate be damned, i am going to fake it til i make it!
OH and another great thing about fall! CONFERENCE! one of my besties got me SWEET tickets to the women's meeting and we went with her sister, another friend, and my mom and sister and it was just spectacular. it was the best women's meeting since we started combining with the senior primary and YW girls. every single talk was riveting and when it ended i was like "wait! it's over? we haven't heard the boring one yet! that went by so quickly!" Sister Stephens's talk about the atonement brought such peace to my soul that i cried like a baby. it was magnificent. after the meeting we went out for dinner at a little french restaurant and just had the best time swapping stories (and desserts!) and sharing memories we had from growing up together in texas. i am so glad i'm able to live close to some childhood friends (really, like family) and to live in utah where i can attend conference in person. the spirit there was so amazing.
and another thing: this is related, i promise, i read a book this month for one of my book clubs about a woman who escaped the Warren Jeffs FLDS polygamist community to live life as normal member of society with her 8 children. it was fascinating and it got me thinking. these people truly believed what they were preaching. they believed that the complete oppression of wives and children at the hands of their husbands was the noble will of god, and that their revelations of who should marry who came from god. i could go on and on about the brainwashing there but i wondered, how do we differentiate? how is our belief in god true, how can we stand by our convictions and know we are right, while these other people in this other community also believe everything they are being taught is right? they claim to have "revelations" all the time, how are those set apart from what we believe to be true? i was having this conversation with brad the other day and he said, very matter of factly, "well by their fruits right? what kind of god would teach oppression and abuse and oppose free thought?" and he was definitely right. i felt like a dummy for even wondering. the woman who wrote the book very frequently said, that she and many other women in the community, had so many gut feelings that told them "this is wrong" but they were so brainwashed they shoved those thoughts away to do instead what their leaders were forcing them to do. they got physically abused if they voiced those opinions. what those women were feeling was the spirit! the spirit was telling them "this is wrong. this is not the way things should be." the spirit was in direct conflict with what the evil men of the FLDS church were preaching. whenever we listen to the prophet speak, or read the scriptures, our gut tells us, i don't care who you are or what you believe, that it's right. that god is a loving being who would NEVER stand for what goes on in those communities. the teachings of our modern day prophets and the scriptures only testify of doing good, loving others, and the granting of personal agency from a loving father who would never force or oppress.
i felt the truth of the gospel so strongly at the meeting on saturday night. it's not because i'm brainwashed into believing the teachings of the church. believing blindly what someone says isn't the point of the gospel, it never has been. we listen to them, but more importantly we listen to the spirit. when they speak to us, our gut will never tell us "this is wrong. this isn't how it's supposed to be". i can't wait to see what the rest of conference this weekend has to bring! we'll be spending it in idaho with my brother and sister and parents and it will just be great, i know it! i'll do everything i can to spiritually prepare! our primary program was on sunday, and my class (the 5 year olds) did a great job. and it was everything i could do not the break down and cry listening to them sing the songs. my favorite one from this year was "gethsemane" here are the words:

Jesus climbed the hill
To the garden still
His steps were heavy and slow
Love and a prayer
Took Him there
To the place only He could go

Gethsemane
Jesus loves me
So He went willingly
To Gethsemane

He felt all that was sad, wicked or bad
All the pain we would ever know
While His friends were asleep
He fought to keep
His promise made long ago

Gethsemane
Jesus loves me
So He went willingly
To Gethsemane

The hardest thing That ever was done
The greatest pain that ever was known
The biggest battle that ever was won
This was done by Jesus.
The fight was won by Jesus.

Gethsemane
Jesus loves me
So he gave His gift to me
In Gethsemane

Gethsemane
Jesus loves me
So he gives His gift to me
From Gethsemane


There's something about listening to children singing songs about christ that seriously makes it impossible for me not to weep like a baby. i had that song stuck in my head this morning and sang it with bea as i did the dishes and it set the tone for our home for the rest of the day! (even oliver joined in. the only song he knows is the "ahhhhh" part from ariel, but he sings it with us every time we sing a song. my love for that boy knows no bounds.) i love the gospel and all the joy it brings to my life!! i can't wait for conference!!!!!!!!!!

also if you made it this far, congratulations. leave your address and i will send you your medal