i've had some thoughts on friendship lately that i feel like i've needed to share.
lately, i feel like i don't really know enough about my friends' lives. i know some really, really great people, and i love them all dearly, whether i just talked to them yesterday, or have only been able to "like" their facebook and instagram photos on the daily. a lot of the time these days, i feel like i haven't been great at keeping on top of my friendships. i feel like the older we get, the farther apart we live, and the more that's happening in our lives, the more we realize that friendships require maintenance. i'm realizing as i get older how important it is to foster friendships. often, good friendships are what get me through the day, and i feel like i'm not on top of it like i should be.
i've thought about why and how i've gotten to this point and i think i know why, but i'm not sure how great of an excuse it is. since bea was born, i have had a lot of struggles. i had some really crippling PPD after her, and just as i was coming out of it, we were inspired to bring oliver into our family and it started all over again. for the past 4 years, as hard as it's been, i've really had to "just do me" for a while to just get by in life. i had a hard enough time taking care of myself and my family, it seemed just too overwhelming to try and manage everything else. i wanted to be a part of my friends' lives and put in the work to maintain my friendships, but i couldn't get there. i couldn't make it. i couldn't handle long phone calls since i was constantly on the brink of tears, i didn't have the energy for sending out christmas cards and birth announcements, and responding to the ones i received. and now that i'm finally coming out the funk after oliver, i'm realizing how much i've missed of my friends' lives. and now i feel like i've been out of it for so many years, it's hard to play "catch-up", i feel like people may feel that it's too little, too late.
i guess i just want the people i love (which is so, so many of you) to know how much i love you, even though i've been a crappy friend for a long time. i'm ready to work on it now. i don't know if i fully know where to start, and maybe that's why i'm writing this out, but i'm ready to finally be a good friend again now. i won't screen your calls, and i'll try my hardest to get that christmas card out! even if it ends up happening in march. i've been doing the best i can to manage my life and now i feel like i can manage my friendships too. i love you! don't be a stranger!<3 p="">
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You know, I don't think you need to worry about this too much :) I think people understand that priorities change as you age, and that especially with marriage and children and health problems, friends aren't so high on the priority list. Maybe it's just because my really good friends are very few and incredibly far between, but those who you've built lasting friendships with don't mind. And if they do mind, if they don't get it, or aren't willing to understand, maybe they aren't people that would've made great long-term friendships, you know? Anyway. I think you're doing great. It's incredibly important to take care of yourself first and foremost. If that means being alone for a while, there is really nothing wrong with that. Some might disagree, but alone time and separating from relationships (especially complicated ones) can be very beneficial. Forcing it makes it worse. And if now you're ready for it, hooray! :D
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