2 broken funny bones is not very funny.

you guys. i'd be lying if i told you my life was smooth sailing right now.

i'm trying really hard not to be a downer but life has been really tough this summer.

in the middle of spring we were blessed to buy a home that we really love, and love more each day (even though it realllllly needs to be painted), in a location that makes me say "I LOVE WHERE I LIVE!" at least once a day.

then, the day after we moved in, brad broke his arm. it was really tough for all of us. it threw the kids off, pained brad quite a bit, and heaped a ton more responsibility on me. it really stressed us all out. brad couldn't hold the baby for six weeks, he had trouble typing at work and was frustrated a lot from having to do things slowly and not being able to help much around the house. there was just this dark cloud hanging over us from all the looming stress. sometimes we were able to forget about it but we were just exhausted and spent. luckily the break was mild, and after six weeks he was back to normal, starting physical therapy, and finally able to help out around the house more. it was great. we were finally going to get our summer back!

enter break two. two weeks later he took a bad tumble down the stairs and shattered the same arm into 3 pieces. it was bad. really bad. for 2 weeks i felt like i was in a bad dream, just waiting to wake up. luckily the angles at which it broke were in a promising direction which avoided surgery, so they were able to set it and put it into a brace and sling. this time, his pain was immense, his arm and hand swelled up to twice their normal size, he was constantly on pain killers, could hardly type at all, can still hardly stay awake even after three weeks (like it's to a point where it's almost dangerous for him to drive, because he'll fall asleep), and needs some help getting dressed, tying shoes, carrying things, etc. for the first two weeks i had to completely dress and undress him and clean his brace, and dry it after he showered with a blowdryer. it is all of the complications of before, only amplified exponentially. oh, and i am constantly running after 2 very active children, who have become very needy and cranky from all of the shift in routine and normality this summer.

it's just a lot. he has to be in the sling for 6 weeks and be in the brace for 12 weeks. he'll be busted up until november. and then he'll have MAJOR physical therapy to do from having an immobilized arm for 20 weeks. we're not even sure he'll get full mobility back.
also looming is the possibility of a deeper issue with his bones. it is very unusual that a healthy 30 year old man would get a break this bad from a simply tumble down the stairs. normal for an elderly woman, but very strange for a guy like brad. he is getting a bone density scan in a couple weeks to try and find the root of the problem. 2 breaks in 8 weeks in an otherwise healthy person is very odd.

you guys, i am exhausted. everything is twice as hard and twice more work, and we're not even halfway done. brad can surprisingly help me out with unloading and loading the dishwasher one handed, for which i am eternally grateful, and he can keep an eye on bea if she is watching a movie or playing legos or something, but that is about where it stops. i didn't even realize all the chores he used to do for me until the garbage kept filling up ALL THE TIME (seriously we take it out like almost twice a day!) and all the clean laundry started piling up (he is the main clothes-folder at our house). i've had to take oliver's early morning feedings and changings since the first arm-break, which is tough since the PPD medicine i take at bedtime is very sedating and keeps me asleep for a long time in the morning. brad used to do the morning shift with the kids and now i need to do it. i can't leave him home alone with the kids because he can't lift oliver, so i have to take them everywhere i go. also, i do bedtime now with half the help. he can supervise bea, but only if she is cooperative. if she decides she doesn't want to get dressed herself and has a tantrum (and there are so. so. many of those), i have to step in and do it. oliver is out of the question for him since i need to change a diaper and put his jammies on.

we've had to put off home improvement and decorating projects we planned on doing once we moved in; we can't set up our new garage door openers because i can't reach the top of the opening mechanism. we had to call for help to change our smoke detectors because i can't reach them. we can't hang our art, because i can't do it by myself. we can't configure a lot of our media because i don't know how and he can't reach around to do it. there's so many little things that either have been put on the hold or just have become a huge production because neither of us can do them.

also, i just got called to teach the 5 year olds in church. brad can't take the baby so i have to take him while i teach. he is always either screaming in my arms to get down, or running out the classroom door, which i have to keep open because my partner NEVER COMES (even though she is at church). this is after i've already dealt with a sacrament meeting where my children are so unruly and misbehaved that i just want to cry, pack up, and leave, and then holding a tired, hungry,  fussy, wiggly oliver all through sharing time. the class-teaching is just the cherry on top. we still don't know many people in our ward so i don't know anyone i could ask to hold him for me during primary yet.

oh yeah and we had to cancel our disney trip that bea was looking forward to SO MUCH. we were supposed to be leaving tomorrow. she will ask every so often, "hey mom when are we going to disneyland?" and it makes me want to cry.

brad also had to sit out his company trip to seven peaks tonight (where they rent out the whole place for the night for just us).

bea also just got pink eye today. so there's that. just another cherry on top.

our summer is just slipping away from us. it's the summer of the broken arms.

i'm sure from the outside, it doesn't sound like that much, and i know single moms have it so much worse, and i shouldn't be negative about it, and i try so hard not to be. i know it could be worse. he could have broken his back or neck or legs, we could have had bad insurance that made us pay for all of it (we have paid nothing for any of this, nor the physical therapy), he could have broken his hand or wrist and not have been able to work at all, he could have died (...? from a fall down the stairs..? i dunno i guess stranger things have happened), i could live far from my family and not have their help (and holy cow they have helped); there are really a lot of ways this could be worse. but the situation is what it is, and it is really unpleasant. and at the end of the day when i am so exhausted and stressed from just our day to day life with all these trials, i am frankly too tired to count my blessings.

i've been wanting to write about this for a while but i'm not sure why. i don't feel like i really have anything positive to offer about it yet.

i'm still trying to work out what i'm supposed to learning from all of this. i'm not typically an "everything happens for a reason" person, but i do believe there is something important to be learned from every situation. i'm just not sure i'm finding it here yet. maybe it really is a situation for me to learn to be more positive. i'm so overwhelmed with everything right now i'm finding it so hard to stay positive. i have been breaking down into tears more often than i care to admit. some days i just want to pack everyone up and move to my mom's for the next 12 weeks. brad and i are both run ragged, and often cranky; our kids are at ages where bea is always pushing our limits (or pushing her brother) and oliver is so busy, and always on the brink of getting himself killed. staying positive requires energy that i'm just not sure i have. i am surviving on diet coke and prayers.

maybe i feel like sharing this because i really am open to suggestions. maybe this is supposed to teach me to humble myself and ask for help; something i am not very comfortable doing. so really, what would you do in this type of situation?? more often than not i just feel like shutting down, curling into fetal position, and just quitting. how would you try to stay more positive? how would you keep your head above water amidst all the chaos? how would you try to stay patient with your kids, yourself, and your husband? how would you keep from being angry? how would you keep from crying? how would you keep from feeling sorry for yourself? how would you stay sane?
i have all of these questions and more. i am ready for help. i am ready to start trying to gird up and look on the bright side. help a sister out.



PS! if you opened this to figure out how brad broke his arm both times, here ya go:

1. fell out of a dumpster while trying to push down packing paper with his feet. the dumpster had wheels, and he used a wheeled cooler as his stepping stool. not his brightest moment. the fracture was minor and we basically all laughed about it.
2. fell down the stairs. he was in so much pain he was in tears, and he does not cry. his humerus is in three pieces. i kept it together at the hospital, but that night in bed i cried myself to sleep. in the morning i woke up thinking i'd just had a bad dream.