i feel like it's time again! time for some updates about the kiddos.
bea
- bea can't stop dancing. she literally dances everywhere she goes. i was walking behind her at the children's museum today and her arms were out like in second position and her hands were doing that twirly thing. her favorite style is contemporary (which she learned about from SYTYCD the next generation, which she LOVES) and choreographs dances to songs on the daily. it is cute to see her so passionate about something.
-she has a playlist that she loves to listen to. it consists of every song she hears that she likes and then says "mom add this to my exciting songs" or "add this to my playlist". it's so cute. she sounds so grown up when she talks about her playlist. she dances to a lot of these songs on the regular.
-her favorite toys right now are her prized dress ups. when she wakes up in the morning, she goes potty, and then retreats to her room to play with her dress ups for a half hour or so. she changes into one outfit, comes into my room, does a pose, dances a little jig, waits for my approval, and then goes back into her room to try another one on. it is so cute.
-she really likes to tell me to "give it a shot". if i tell her someplace is really crowded she just goes "mom let's just give it a shot. do your best and just give it a shot."
-bea is on a soccer team right now and loves it but mostly just because she gets to run around with her friends. dance is still her one true love. and yes, she does dance on the soccer field.
-whenever i am grumpy she asks where my smile is.
-she loves oliver and whenever he cries in the car she tries to make him laugh, and usually succeeds. he laughs to keep from weeping.
-she has her first acting job on friday! (if you don't count house hunters) i think she'll do a great job, she did great for house hunters (which has a lot of acting in it believe it or not), the director loved her so i'm hoping she brings it for her job on friday. we are very excited.
-she loves duplos. she will sit and play with duplos for HOURS. she is also this way with vintage polly pockets.
-her favorite movie right now is the lego movie. she likes to pretend to be wild style. her favorite movie before that was charlotte's web, preceded by the ever popular nemo. it makes me sad that she's moved on from the more tender movies but i'm sure it's on to the next sometime soon so maybe there's a tender one next. i was so excited for her to see finding dory since finding nemo was her favorite movie for 2 solid years but she didn't glom onto it like i'd expected and it just kinda wilted me a little.
-she starts preschool in august. she loves to work in her workbook at home to get ready for it. she is getting better at tracing letters and likes to draw people, which are basically potatoes with stick limbs and googly eyes.
-she's got a thing for carnivals and carnie rides. she calls them "fun fairs" or "ferrises" or something along those lines. it's really funny to hear her talk about carnival rides.
oliver
-HE WALKS! he has been taking steps here or there for couple weeks but the past few days, he has really started to walk A LOT. it is SO CUTE. he really likes it too, he just lights up when he is walking and gets so excited.
-he is just a giggly giggly dude. and he crumbles into a ball when he laughs, like an armadillo. i LOVE it!
-he has started hitting bea when he knows he shouldn't. it begins.
-he has 7 teeth and is growing two more!
-he is also totally in on the duplo game
-he is such a snuggle bug lately!!! i can't get enough of his snuggles. it's so nice because bea never was a snuggler and he wasn't super snuggly as an infant, so he is definitely making up for lost time. my favorite is when he does his armadillo roll right into my neck. i live for those moments!
-he can kind of say some words, he mostly just makes sounds but i know what they mean. he says mama for me but he also says it to mean "more". he says it a lot while eating popcorn.
-he can actually eat a fruit pouch on his own without making a mess when he is really hungry. he takes hunger very seriously and will not let a drop of food go to waste if he can help it.
- i tell everyone oliver has 2 speeds: happy and hungry. he is always happy unless he is hungry and then he just screams. and screams. and screams. that's what happened when he first left the womb actually. he's been hungry since day one. so i basically have to be giving him food like 60% of the time, but it's all good, he's cute so i'll do it.
-he is not feeling like learning sign language. not his thing.
-he is a pretty social baby and is very interested in other babies and what they are doing
-he leaped out of my arms the other day while we were sitting on the steps at the pool (scariest moment ever) and ever since then he HATES baths, which is really sad because he used to love them. i hope he gets over it soon because it's kind of breaking my heart.
-he is wearing 18-24 month clothes but his growth is slowing down and he is leaning out.
-he has really adorable curls that i really don't want to cut, but people keep mistaking him for a girl so i don't know, maybe i should get it cut. i don't know.
that's all i got for now. i'm sure i'll remember something in like an hour and have to add it. i love these babies!!!!!!
Showing posts with label baby boy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label baby boy. Show all posts
Thursday, July 7, 2016
Wednesday, May 25, 2016
a bit about my babies 5.25.16
i feel like it's been a long time since my last post but i don't think it's really been THAT long.
i need to document my kids for my records but i feel like not a ton has changed...
so here we go:
beatrice
-i'll start this out by saying, at her heart, she is a sweet, sweet girl. but she is getting to be really difficult these days. i feel like this age (3.5) has been the biggest strain on our relationship yet before she becomes a teenager. i am either yelling or trying not to yell at her for 50% of almost every day except for the few days where she is a delight all day. and when she is a sweetie she really is the best sweet thing in the world but when she does a 180 on a dime, it is ROUGH. and lately she has taken to wetting her pants on purpose when she is mad at me. it's infuriating.
-she really isn't all that bad all the time. she loves a lot of things with her whole heart right now, including dance, charlotte's web (which probably explains why she loves fairs right now. she's really into fairs), hamilton, star wars, and her imaginary friends wall-e, eve, and hamilton. she LOVES hamilton a ton and asks for books about the founding fathers at the library frequently. i can't say i'm disappointed. she also asks for loony toons ("those bunny cartoons" and "tweety bird ones") quite a bit, which i'm proud of too.
-she says a million funny things a day, and i try to document them all on facebook but it is hard to keep up!
-sometimes she'll ask me a very specific question in which it's very apparent that she has been thinking about the issue for some time before coming to me with the question. i LOVE hearing how her mind works.
-she loves books. she will read in her bed for ages before falling asleep and i love it and hope it continues forever.
-she is getting more independent and it's fun to see her grow up but also a little heartbreaking. she can clear her place from the table, get dressed (when she's not being a stinker), and brush her own teeth.
-she loves oliver more and more every day and is very protective of him to other people but is rough on him all the time. classic siblings, amiright?
-she LOVES to play dress-up! i think it's probably her favorite activity. very cute. i need to invest in more dressups
-whenever i let her pick out her own clothes, she chooses a tulle skirt she got ages ago (at her baby shower actually. it's 2t so it's a bit small now) and a tiara. she is all girl. i need to buy her some more tutu-like pieces because it seems that's her style now. when she dresses herself she always says "hey mom do i look style? i look so style!!!!" it's a riot.
-she calls mcdonald's chicken donalds and asks to go there like every day. if she could choose between french fries and cake/ice cream/cookies/candy, the french fries will win every time without fail.
-she views every human being as a potential friend and is always introducing herself to strangers. she doesn't have a shy bone in her body. she loves making new friends at the park, and always seems to be organizing games with other kids. some say organizer, some say bossy. tomato tomahto.
-she starts every day with her daily phone calls. she calls my mom, abby, my dad, cami, peter, sam, shannon, and brad on his way to work, and tries to get them to chat with her. she can do this all on her own, on her own phone. it's hilarious.
oliver
-he is the cutest butterball in the history of the world. i love it. if i could freeze him right now i would. he is so cheery all the time except when he's hungry. then is a screaming machine.
-he is finally interested in food!!!! he eats real big boy food all day err day and enjoys it to the fullest. so adorable.
-he loves tickles, music, dancing, baths, and making messes.
-he is into EVERYTHING. we are seriously having to babyproof this house which is such a new concept to us because bea was never interested in our stuff. but he is on it like white on rice. he also never holds still and can't stand getting his diaper changed. i have to restrain him with one arm and change the diaper with the other. he frantically rolls about whenever i change him. exhausting, these kids!
-he is super interested in other babies and is pretty physical with them. he likes to smack their faces and yank them down from sitting/standing and other things like that. he is such a boy.
-he will FINALLY SNUGGLE!!! ahhh i love it. if i give him a binky and his blue minky blanky (which he must have in order to sleep), he with put his head on my should and snuggle for just a few seconds or so but i will TAKE it!
-he is so fat basically all he can wear is sweat pants. it's amazing but also sad bc my visions of putting my cute boy in great clothes like skinny jeans are not coming to fruition. he is destined for huskiness until he gets his junior high growth spurt and becomes a tall, gangly, string bean. i'll enjoy the chub while it lasts.
-the doctor said by the time he is one year old he should be able to say at least one word. i don't think we'll make it. bea said her first words around 9/10 months but he is nowhere close. he is only just starting to babble with hard consonants. i'm trying not to worry about it and just understand that it will happen in its own time.
-he loves books and puzzles. well i mean he likes to throw puzzle pieces across the room. his favorite puzzle piece is a wooden lion from our melissa and doug safari puzzle. he always finds it, chews on it, and then carries it around while he crawls everywhere.
-he is a great cruiser and stands on his own quite a bit. i think we are very close to walking with this little (huge) guy.
that's all i can think of for now, i'll come back and jot down some more if i think about it.
i need to document my kids for my records but i feel like not a ton has changed...
so here we go:
beatrice
-i'll start this out by saying, at her heart, she is a sweet, sweet girl. but she is getting to be really difficult these days. i feel like this age (3.5) has been the biggest strain on our relationship yet before she becomes a teenager. i am either yelling or trying not to yell at her for 50% of almost every day except for the few days where she is a delight all day. and when she is a sweetie she really is the best sweet thing in the world but when she does a 180 on a dime, it is ROUGH. and lately she has taken to wetting her pants on purpose when she is mad at me. it's infuriating.
-she really isn't all that bad all the time. she loves a lot of things with her whole heart right now, including dance, charlotte's web (which probably explains why she loves fairs right now. she's really into fairs), hamilton, star wars, and her imaginary friends wall-e, eve, and hamilton. she LOVES hamilton a ton and asks for books about the founding fathers at the library frequently. i can't say i'm disappointed. she also asks for loony toons ("those bunny cartoons" and "tweety bird ones") quite a bit, which i'm proud of too.
-she says a million funny things a day, and i try to document them all on facebook but it is hard to keep up!
-sometimes she'll ask me a very specific question in which it's very apparent that she has been thinking about the issue for some time before coming to me with the question. i LOVE hearing how her mind works.
-she loves books. she will read in her bed for ages before falling asleep and i love it and hope it continues forever.
-she is getting more independent and it's fun to see her grow up but also a little heartbreaking. she can clear her place from the table, get dressed (when she's not being a stinker), and brush her own teeth.
-she loves oliver more and more every day and is very protective of him to other people but is rough on him all the time. classic siblings, amiright?
-she LOVES to play dress-up! i think it's probably her favorite activity. very cute. i need to invest in more dressups
-whenever i let her pick out her own clothes, she chooses a tulle skirt she got ages ago (at her baby shower actually. it's 2t so it's a bit small now) and a tiara. she is all girl. i need to buy her some more tutu-like pieces because it seems that's her style now. when she dresses herself she always says "hey mom do i look style? i look so style!!!!" it's a riot.
-she calls mcdonald's chicken donalds and asks to go there like every day. if she could choose between french fries and cake/ice cream/cookies/candy, the french fries will win every time without fail.
-she views every human being as a potential friend and is always introducing herself to strangers. she doesn't have a shy bone in her body. she loves making new friends at the park, and always seems to be organizing games with other kids. some say organizer, some say bossy. tomato tomahto.
-she starts every day with her daily phone calls. she calls my mom, abby, my dad, cami, peter, sam, shannon, and brad on his way to work, and tries to get them to chat with her. she can do this all on her own, on her own phone. it's hilarious.
oliver
-he is the cutest butterball in the history of the world. i love it. if i could freeze him right now i would. he is so cheery all the time except when he's hungry. then is a screaming machine.
-he is finally interested in food!!!! he eats real big boy food all day err day and enjoys it to the fullest. so adorable.
-he loves tickles, music, dancing, baths, and making messes.
-he is into EVERYTHING. we are seriously having to babyproof this house which is such a new concept to us because bea was never interested in our stuff. but he is on it like white on rice. he also never holds still and can't stand getting his diaper changed. i have to restrain him with one arm and change the diaper with the other. he frantically rolls about whenever i change him. exhausting, these kids!
-he is super interested in other babies and is pretty physical with them. he likes to smack their faces and yank them down from sitting/standing and other things like that. he is such a boy.
-he will FINALLY SNUGGLE!!! ahhh i love it. if i give him a binky and his blue minky blanky (which he must have in order to sleep), he with put his head on my should and snuggle for just a few seconds or so but i will TAKE it!
-he is so fat basically all he can wear is sweat pants. it's amazing but also sad bc my visions of putting my cute boy in great clothes like skinny jeans are not coming to fruition. he is destined for huskiness until he gets his junior high growth spurt and becomes a tall, gangly, string bean. i'll enjoy the chub while it lasts.
-the doctor said by the time he is one year old he should be able to say at least one word. i don't think we'll make it. bea said her first words around 9/10 months but he is nowhere close. he is only just starting to babble with hard consonants. i'm trying not to worry about it and just understand that it will happen in its own time.
-he loves books and puzzles. well i mean he likes to throw puzzle pieces across the room. his favorite puzzle piece is a wooden lion from our melissa and doug safari puzzle. he always finds it, chews on it, and then carries it around while he crawls everywhere.
-he is a great cruiser and stands on his own quite a bit. i think we are very close to walking with this little (huge) guy.
that's all i can think of for now, i'll come back and jot down some more if i think about it.
Monday, May 9, 2016
some mother's day thoughts
we just got back from a wedding in houston this weekend and with all the traveling and what not, when we got home the kids were pooped. we fed them and put them down early. like really early. like 5:45 early. and they were out like lights. except after we got bea into bed, oliver started fussing quite a bit. so i went in to see what it was all about and got him out and rocked him a bit but he was still fussy and worked up and wriggly. so i held him close and put my face close to his ear and started humming to him and he melted into my arms and slowly calmed down and snuggled with me for a good long while. he never holds still enough to snuggle with me. sometimes he'll snuggle with brad, but hardly ever with me. since we first brought him home i've always thought he was closer to brad than with me. he is always so excited when brad comes home, always wants brad to hold him, laughs or smiles more for brad (or at least it seems that way). but the way he melted when i started humming to him was so special. i knew immediately then that he was remembering how my voice sounded when he was still inside my belly, and that it comforted him at once. that is something that only i, as his mother, can do for him. it filled me with so much joy. i'd forgotten that i was his mother from the moment he started growing inside me. i was able to nourish and care him from the very beginning.
since my PPD was so mind-numbingly awful, i often get very emotional and heartbroken when i look back on his early infancy when i was so absent and tortured. i mourn those days more than i'd care to admit. the guilt that i wasn't "there" for him enough haunts me almost daily. but this moment tonight, that long while i spent rocking him as he slowly fell asleep in my arms, i knew i was enough for him. the instant he heard my voice, i knew that he knew he was home and safe. i knew i wasn't failing as a mother. i felt such validation. it was such a spiritual moment for me. for the first time, just for a surging moment, i felt vindicated and free of the guilt i carry with me so heavily. that moment was such a gift from my heavenly father through oliver tonight, right on time on mother's day. i am so grateful for the reminder of the preciousness of my motherhood. i hope i can carry it with me always.
since my PPD was so mind-numbingly awful, i often get very emotional and heartbroken when i look back on his early infancy when i was so absent and tortured. i mourn those days more than i'd care to admit. the guilt that i wasn't "there" for him enough haunts me almost daily. but this moment tonight, that long while i spent rocking him as he slowly fell asleep in my arms, i knew i was enough for him. the instant he heard my voice, i knew that he knew he was home and safe. i knew i wasn't failing as a mother. i felt such validation. it was such a spiritual moment for me. for the first time, just for a surging moment, i felt vindicated and free of the guilt i carry with me so heavily. that moment was such a gift from my heavenly father through oliver tonight, right on time on mother's day. i am so grateful for the reminder of the preciousness of my motherhood. i hope i can carry it with me always.
Friday, November 6, 2015
snow.
it was the first snow today. just a flurry, but still. snow. if you know me at all you know that i have a love/hate relationship {ok, ok, more like a hate/hate relationship} with snow. but something about this little flurry felt different.
we've turned a corner with oliver and with me. ollie is becoming so much easier. he no longer hates the car, he is finally starting to throw up less, and with the introduction of his new exersaucer, he is finally starting to need to be entertained by us less and play on his own. he's started laughing. bea is his number one source of entertainment. he is a happy baby. he still needs his attention, i'm bouncing his bouncer with my foot as i'm writing this, but as long as he gets some love, he really is a happy dude. his smiles are always big and open mouthed. his joy for life is really starting to shine through and it's contagious. we have a routine with him now as he's gotten older and on more of a schedule with 9/noon/3 naptimes. i've started to see a new doctor for my PPD. he's rearranged my treatment and we are finally starting to feel a lift. it's slowly edging it's way out. the bad days are fewer and farther between.
seasons are changing. the snow outside is mirroring the change in my life. it's giving me hope for a new chapter, a new season. things are getting better. it's giving me hope.
the snow was so beautiful to me today, i decided to drive up to the mountains to my mom's to enjoy it more fully. i plopped up my fluffy second-day hair, ignored the splotchy skin on my face that's a result of the new meds, piled the kids in the car, threw on an old playlist from high school, and started the drive. the hour drive up there is always pleasant, since i love drives, bea loves being in the car, and ollie will finally nap in his carseat.
bea played with a happy meal toy in the backseat, oliver slept, and i listened to music. it took me back to a time when i really knew who i was. pleasant memories of the person i used to be, of loud live music, dancing, purple hair, filmmaking, friends, and just the general joie de vivre i had for life. it reminded me that i am that person. i'm in there somewhere. i'll be that person again. i know that now. i'm getting closer. i see it all in the snow. i'm ready for something different. for a new season. the snow gives me hope.
i could never understand how lorelai gilmore could love the first snow so much. it was just baffling to me. but i think i'm starting to understand. it's not really about the snow. it's about the renewal and the start of something new.
i'm by the window, watching the snow quietly dust the mountains and i feel peace. i'm putting the pain of the past seasons behind me and watching the world bring me something new, and i am grateful. i'm grateful for the snow.
we've turned a corner with oliver and with me. ollie is becoming so much easier. he no longer hates the car, he is finally starting to throw up less, and with the introduction of his new exersaucer, he is finally starting to need to be entertained by us less and play on his own. he's started laughing. bea is his number one source of entertainment. he is a happy baby. he still needs his attention, i'm bouncing his bouncer with my foot as i'm writing this, but as long as he gets some love, he really is a happy dude. his smiles are always big and open mouthed. his joy for life is really starting to shine through and it's contagious. we have a routine with him now as he's gotten older and on more of a schedule with 9/noon/3 naptimes. i've started to see a new doctor for my PPD. he's rearranged my treatment and we are finally starting to feel a lift. it's slowly edging it's way out. the bad days are fewer and farther between.
seasons are changing. the snow outside is mirroring the change in my life. it's giving me hope for a new chapter, a new season. things are getting better. it's giving me hope.
the snow was so beautiful to me today, i decided to drive up to the mountains to my mom's to enjoy it more fully. i plopped up my fluffy second-day hair, ignored the splotchy skin on my face that's a result of the new meds, piled the kids in the car, threw on an old playlist from high school, and started the drive. the hour drive up there is always pleasant, since i love drives, bea loves being in the car, and ollie will finally nap in his carseat.
bea played with a happy meal toy in the backseat, oliver slept, and i listened to music. it took me back to a time when i really knew who i was. pleasant memories of the person i used to be, of loud live music, dancing, purple hair, filmmaking, friends, and just the general joie de vivre i had for life. it reminded me that i am that person. i'm in there somewhere. i'll be that person again. i know that now. i'm getting closer. i see it all in the snow. i'm ready for something different. for a new season. the snow gives me hope.
i could never understand how lorelai gilmore could love the first snow so much. it was just baffling to me. but i think i'm starting to understand. it's not really about the snow. it's about the renewal and the start of something new.
i'm by the window, watching the snow quietly dust the mountains and i feel peace. i'm putting the pain of the past seasons behind me and watching the world bring me something new, and i am grateful. i'm grateful for the snow.
Thursday, October 1, 2015
a bit about my babies 9.30.15
beatrice
-bea's new favorite word is "actually" (axchlee!) she says it before making any kind of real statement. "axchlee i'm gonna eat my breakfast now mom. axchlee, i can't pick up my toys mom."
-bea had the most epic of epic tantrums last night. we told her if she didn't calm down we couldn't read books and she didn't so we didn't and she FLIPPPPED OUT! it was one of those tantrums where we as parents were trying SO hard not to laugh at her. it was so ridiculous. we were cracking up. but then she finally calmed down and i went in to tuck her in (for the umpteenth time) i played this song on my phone that she likes to listen to before she falls asleep sometimes (the rain song!) and i laid down next to her, and she whispered "roll over mom so i can scratch your back." she amazes me every day with how sweet she is. each day she proves to me over and over again that she is aware of others and wanting to improve the world she lives in.
-i was having a hard time the other day and went to my room to have a minute while brad watched the kids for a bit. i heard bea tell dad, "i'm gonna check on mom, ok?" and she wandered into my room and climbed onto my bed with me and said "how are ya feeling mom? are you feelin ok? want me to sing you a song?" it was the sweetest thing ever. she proceeded to sing "i am a child of god" to me and it gave me all the feels. i just love her to bits.
-so this happened in august but it's a good one. maybe i wrote about it already...checking now...ok i didn't. i have to remember this one it was just too good. so we were at a bridal shower that was outside, and bea had to go to the bathroom. i almost always have a little potty in the back of my van for situations like this but i forgot it so i took her behind a tree with a baby wipe and took off her pants and had her squat, which was easy enough until she started to poop, which complicated things. but she finished up and i wiped her up and she turned around and saw her poop and jumped away and screamed "OH NO!!! IT'S A SNAKE!!!!! IT WILL GROW AND GROW!!!!!!" and almost started crying haha i had to tell her it wasn't a snake it was her poop and she was just like "oh. cool." i ended up scooping it up with a diaper and that was that. it was such a funny moment. maybe you had to be there...i'm reading it now and it's not as funny. BUT YOU GUYS. it was. i couldn't figure out why she was saying it will grow and grow but then i realized (and this is a deep cut, you guys) the scary creature in "one fish two fish" (look what we found in the park in the dark, we will take him home, we will call him clark etc.) it says "he will grow and grow" which i'm assuming she just associated with scary things. so when she got scared of a snake, she exclaimed that it would grow and grow. her brain, y'all. it makes weird connections.
-she has started to want to pick out her clothes more. her favorites are her "pony pants" (these amazing unicorn galaxy leggings i found at target. the best.)
-she loves calling oliver a cutie patootie, which comes out more like "cuey patooey!"
-she is starting to sound out words! she's not even 3!!! she's known her letters for a long time but watching so much superwhy while i feed ollie has helped her a lot with building words. we sing "B says buh, b says buh, every letter makes a sound, b says buh" etc and today in the car she started singing, out of the blue, with no prompting, "P stands for popcorn! p stands for popcorn! every letter has a word, p stands for popcorn!" and yesterday we were listening to music from the lego movie and she goes "L is for Lego!" this happens more and more now. she is just so smart. i hate to be a braggy parent but, this girl. she is going places. and yet no preschools will take her because she didn't turn three before september. pfft. now if only she could get her colors straight.....
-she loves nature. we went up millcreek canyon today and she kept spinning slowly around with her arms out saying "mom what a beautiful garden! what a beautiful place! i love this place! this is a beautiful day!" she loves to comment when it's a beautiful day. it's too sweet.
-when i ask her what she wants to be for halloween, she always says "a happy ghost." sad that my choosing her costume days are over, but delighted that she doesn't want to be a princess for halloween.
oliver
-he is starting to use his little voice now and ohhhh my gosh. the sounds he makes. so so cute. i think his voice has a slight rasp to it which i can't wait to see develop a bit more. he is going to have the cutest toddler voice. and he either opens his mouth super wide to make them or puckers his lips super small. always the cutest faces.
-he really isn't too much of what you would call a "content baby" like bea was. you pretty much need to be doing something for him all of his waking hours (and some of his sleeping ones!) or he will be fussy. he isn't a huge screamer but he will fuss or whine or cry a bit if you aren't feeding or entertaining him. it's cool when we have nothing to do but frustrating when i'm supposed to be cooking or driving or playing with bea or going to the BATHROOM (just..just..just can i go in peace?! i know. the answer is no, not til they're in college. and maybe not even then..!) when you ARE entertaining him though, holy cow he does the cutest little coos and faces. no laughs yet but we are so close!
-he continues to be a giant baby. he is in 6-9 months clothes already and he just turned 3 months last week. he is enormous. and his legs are starting to get little rolls! ohhh how i love his chub.
-he has really bad torticollis, which means he will normally only look to one direction, like if i hold him facing him head on, he will only look to his right, and when he lays down he only looks right, no matter what we try. it's made his head a great deal misshapen and we are going to have to fix it with physical therapy and if that doesn't correct it, it's helmet town for us. which is ironic because while i was pretty careful about not making "well when I have kids, they will never {insert ridiculous standard here}" except about helmets. i always said they were a plot by greedy pediatricians. but then i saw ollie's head and was like ok that kid needs a helmet. and my ped actually addressed that studies have shown that most be-helmeted kids don't show any real difference from kids that don't wear them, but kids with torticollis were left out of the studies. so hooray.
-he has the loudest, nastiest farts. all boy, this one. i have to constantly check to see if he's pooped but it's always gas. well like 99% of the time.
-i thought he hated baths all of a sudden but turns out he just hated the newborn insert in his new tub. which, duh because he's too big for it. i keep forgetting how big he is. he was technically a newborn when we got it but he was way too big for it. so now it's out and he's back to loving the tub. i love giving him baths at night.
-he faces outward in the baby carrier now which was another duh moment for me. of course he needs to face out, he's 25 in tall and 15 lbs. way too big for newborn style! which is ok becauuuseeee:
-his head/neck control is getting stronger! he is getting really good at supporting his weight. he stands up in my lap now too, strong legged little dude. i can't wait until he sits up on his own! maybe if he can play by himself or with bea he will stop being so fussy....
-he isn't a great day sleeper, his naps only last 30 min-an hour. a bit frustrating, esp since his waking hours are so demanding, but he sleeps 10-12 hours at night, so i'll take it. it's hard to deal with compromises like that with him because i literally never had to compromise with bea. she was always content and slept with perfect naps during the day and 12 hrs at night. i realize this is unusual but it's what i was used to and it's frustrating to have to make compromises! i'll get used to it though. hopefully. good thing he is so cute ;)
-he is a never-ending fountain of vomit. i thought bea used to spit up a lot but this kid takes the CAKE (and then throws it up.) we change his clothes several times a day and have to bathe him every night so he doesn't smell like barf all the time. we have some really attractive makeshift blanket drop-cloths all over our couch that make our living room look oh so lovely. we've tried every formula and bottle but nothing changes except the consistency of the throwup. (which by the way, bea told me i smell like throwup the other day. wonderful.) we talked to our dr about it but he's gaining weight and he's not in any pain soooo not much we can do about it except wait it out. and i kind of love bath time with him at night so. no real complaints here.
-if he ever gets unmanageably fussy and starts to get worked up and scream-y, white noise calms him down IMMEDIATELY. it's like flipping a switch. magic. i love it. i don't love the idea of dependency of white noise but like. it's pretty amazing and i may be changing my tune here pretty soon. if i keep it not too loud, it can't hurt right?
-if you can commit to holding him all the time, he really is the sweetest, happiest little chunk when he has your full attention. he smiles and coos and wiggles for me whenever i pick him up and it is just the cutest. i love seeing more of his fun personality!
-bea's new favorite word is "actually" (axchlee!) she says it before making any kind of real statement. "axchlee i'm gonna eat my breakfast now mom. axchlee, i can't pick up my toys mom."
-bea had the most epic of epic tantrums last night. we told her if she didn't calm down we couldn't read books and she didn't so we didn't and she FLIPPPPED OUT! it was one of those tantrums where we as parents were trying SO hard not to laugh at her. it was so ridiculous. we were cracking up. but then she finally calmed down and i went in to tuck her in (for the umpteenth time) i played this song on my phone that she likes to listen to before she falls asleep sometimes (the rain song!) and i laid down next to her, and she whispered "roll over mom so i can scratch your back." she amazes me every day with how sweet she is. each day she proves to me over and over again that she is aware of others and wanting to improve the world she lives in.
-i was having a hard time the other day and went to my room to have a minute while brad watched the kids for a bit. i heard bea tell dad, "i'm gonna check on mom, ok?" and she wandered into my room and climbed onto my bed with me and said "how are ya feeling mom? are you feelin ok? want me to sing you a song?" it was the sweetest thing ever. she proceeded to sing "i am a child of god" to me and it gave me all the feels. i just love her to bits.
-so this happened in august but it's a good one. maybe i wrote about it already...checking now...ok i didn't. i have to remember this one it was just too good. so we were at a bridal shower that was outside, and bea had to go to the bathroom. i almost always have a little potty in the back of my van for situations like this but i forgot it so i took her behind a tree with a baby wipe and took off her pants and had her squat, which was easy enough until she started to poop, which complicated things. but she finished up and i wiped her up and she turned around and saw her poop and jumped away and screamed "OH NO!!! IT'S A SNAKE!!!!! IT WILL GROW AND GROW!!!!!!" and almost started crying haha i had to tell her it wasn't a snake it was her poop and she was just like "oh. cool." i ended up scooping it up with a diaper and that was that. it was such a funny moment. maybe you had to be there...i'm reading it now and it's not as funny. BUT YOU GUYS. it was. i couldn't figure out why she was saying it will grow and grow but then i realized (and this is a deep cut, you guys) the scary creature in "one fish two fish" (look what we found in the park in the dark, we will take him home, we will call him clark etc.) it says "he will grow and grow" which i'm assuming she just associated with scary things. so when she got scared of a snake, she exclaimed that it would grow and grow. her brain, y'all. it makes weird connections.
-she has started to want to pick out her clothes more. her favorites are her "pony pants" (these amazing unicorn galaxy leggings i found at target. the best.)
-she loves calling oliver a cutie patootie, which comes out more like "cuey patooey!"
-she is starting to sound out words! she's not even 3!!! she's known her letters for a long time but watching so much superwhy while i feed ollie has helped her a lot with building words. we sing "B says buh, b says buh, every letter makes a sound, b says buh" etc and today in the car she started singing, out of the blue, with no prompting, "P stands for popcorn! p stands for popcorn! every letter has a word, p stands for popcorn!" and yesterday we were listening to music from the lego movie and she goes "L is for Lego!" this happens more and more now. she is just so smart. i hate to be a braggy parent but, this girl. she is going places. and yet no preschools will take her because she didn't turn three before september. pfft. now if only she could get her colors straight.....
-she loves nature. we went up millcreek canyon today and she kept spinning slowly around with her arms out saying "mom what a beautiful garden! what a beautiful place! i love this place! this is a beautiful day!" she loves to comment when it's a beautiful day. it's too sweet.
-when i ask her what she wants to be for halloween, she always says "a happy ghost." sad that my choosing her costume days are over, but delighted that she doesn't want to be a princess for halloween.
 |
| spaghetti faces! |
oliver
-he is starting to use his little voice now and ohhhh my gosh. the sounds he makes. so so cute. i think his voice has a slight rasp to it which i can't wait to see develop a bit more. he is going to have the cutest toddler voice. and he either opens his mouth super wide to make them or puckers his lips super small. always the cutest faces.
-he really isn't too much of what you would call a "content baby" like bea was. you pretty much need to be doing something for him all of his waking hours (and some of his sleeping ones!) or he will be fussy. he isn't a huge screamer but he will fuss or whine or cry a bit if you aren't feeding or entertaining him. it's cool when we have nothing to do but frustrating when i'm supposed to be cooking or driving or playing with bea or going to the BATHROOM (just..just..just can i go in peace?! i know. the answer is no, not til they're in college. and maybe not even then..!) when you ARE entertaining him though, holy cow he does the cutest little coos and faces. no laughs yet but we are so close!
-he continues to be a giant baby. he is in 6-9 months clothes already and he just turned 3 months last week. he is enormous. and his legs are starting to get little rolls! ohhh how i love his chub.
-he has really bad torticollis, which means he will normally only look to one direction, like if i hold him facing him head on, he will only look to his right, and when he lays down he only looks right, no matter what we try. it's made his head a great deal misshapen and we are going to have to fix it with physical therapy and if that doesn't correct it, it's helmet town for us. which is ironic because while i was pretty careful about not making "well when I have kids, they will never {insert ridiculous standard here}" except about helmets. i always said they were a plot by greedy pediatricians. but then i saw ollie's head and was like ok that kid needs a helmet. and my ped actually addressed that studies have shown that most be-helmeted kids don't show any real difference from kids that don't wear them, but kids with torticollis were left out of the studies. so hooray.
-he has the loudest, nastiest farts. all boy, this one. i have to constantly check to see if he's pooped but it's always gas. well like 99% of the time.
-i thought he hated baths all of a sudden but turns out he just hated the newborn insert in his new tub. which, duh because he's too big for it. i keep forgetting how big he is. he was technically a newborn when we got it but he was way too big for it. so now it's out and he's back to loving the tub. i love giving him baths at night.
-he faces outward in the baby carrier now which was another duh moment for me. of course he needs to face out, he's 25 in tall and 15 lbs. way too big for newborn style! which is ok becauuuseeee:
-his head/neck control is getting stronger! he is getting really good at supporting his weight. he stands up in my lap now too, strong legged little dude. i can't wait until he sits up on his own! maybe if he can play by himself or with bea he will stop being so fussy....
-he isn't a great day sleeper, his naps only last 30 min-an hour. a bit frustrating, esp since his waking hours are so demanding, but he sleeps 10-12 hours at night, so i'll take it. it's hard to deal with compromises like that with him because i literally never had to compromise with bea. she was always content and slept with perfect naps during the day and 12 hrs at night. i realize this is unusual but it's what i was used to and it's frustrating to have to make compromises! i'll get used to it though. hopefully. good thing he is so cute ;)
-he is a never-ending fountain of vomit. i thought bea used to spit up a lot but this kid takes the CAKE (and then throws it up.) we change his clothes several times a day and have to bathe him every night so he doesn't smell like barf all the time. we have some really attractive makeshift blanket drop-cloths all over our couch that make our living room look oh so lovely. we've tried every formula and bottle but nothing changes except the consistency of the throwup. (which by the way, bea told me i smell like throwup the other day. wonderful.) we talked to our dr about it but he's gaining weight and he's not in any pain soooo not much we can do about it except wait it out. and i kind of love bath time with him at night so. no real complaints here.
-if he ever gets unmanageably fussy and starts to get worked up and scream-y, white noise calms him down IMMEDIATELY. it's like flipping a switch. magic. i love it. i don't love the idea of dependency of white noise but like. it's pretty amazing and i may be changing my tune here pretty soon. if i keep it not too loud, it can't hurt right?
-if you can commit to holding him all the time, he really is the sweetest, happiest little chunk when he has your full attention. he smiles and coos and wiggles for me whenever i pick him up and it is just the cutest. i love seeing more of his fun personality!
 |
| always that big goofy smile when he talks (: |
 |
| trying to crib train him. he takes all of his naps in there now and really doesn't want to be swaddled much anymore. he always naps with his arms above his head. i love it. ignore that big old scratch on his forehead. trimming his nails is scary!!! |
 |
| in bea's old bouncer at gramma's house. i don't know why i love this picture so much. i love his face. and that hat is supposed to help him look the right way. it's so goofy. |
 |
| smiling in his sleep (: |
 |
| #thuglife |
Wednesday, August 19, 2015
a bit about my babies
beatrice
-she recently has decided to tell people what they smell like. it started one day when she buried her face into my cheek and said "mmmm mom you smell like BUTTER!" the next day, she picked me a flower and said "smell it mom! it smells like BUTTER!!!" so later that night with my family i asked her what each of them smells like. grandma just smells like grandma apparently. abby smells like butter (quite the compliment!) brad and papa smell like beard. and when we asked if sanjay smelled like butter too, she said "ehhhhh...no. you smell like....BLACK!!!" we thought it was pretty funny.
-she also thinks it's funny to change words to songs now. the other day we told her to sing our version of ta-ra-ra-boomdeeyay for my grandma and she sang "ta-ra-ra-boomdeeyay i'll take your pants away, if you're still standing there, i'll pee on there!" (that last line is supposed to say "i'll take your underwear" still potty humor but that other line is completely he own invention. so weird)
-she LOVES annie the musical. she goes around singing "tomorrow" almost constantly and it's the first thing she asks for when we get in the car. if i'm too tired of it, she then asks for taylor swift. i can stomach that better than hearing "tomorrow" a zillion times.
-she is TERRIFIED of flies. like obnoxiously scared of them. a fly got into our car yesterday (and that freaking thing would NOT GET OUT no matter how many windows i had down and no matter how strong the wind was pulling at it. i will kill its entire family for this) and she screamed literally for an hour, the whole way from provo to sandy. and not just like crying but like bloody murder, freddy-kruger-is-going-to-kill-me-right-this-second screams. it was ridiculous. i may or may not have yelled right back to just BE QUIET THAT STUPID BUG WILL NOT HURT YOU! CHILL OUT! it did not help. they push you to the breaking point, those toddlers.
-i found an alternative to TV in the mornings while i'm feeding oliver! bea LOVES playdoh. i kind of already knew that but we threw out her playdoh before we moved bc it had mostly all dried out but auntie abby made some homemade playdoh recently and it's been a lifesaver. bea will play with it for hours and i am sooooooo grateful.
-she still remembers everything. like stuff from when she was way too little to remember stuff. i can't recall anything right now but the last memory she pulled was from when she was like one or something. but my mom brain can't remember what it was. i was beginning to think she had a photographic memory but then i remembered that she STILL can't tell the difference between yellow and blue and was like "oh she really can't remember everything."
-she went to a princess ballet camp last week and absolutely loved it and keeps asking to go back. luckily the studio offers a performance based preschool at a very reasonable price so i think we may enroll her in that...
-she really hasn't skipped a beat with bringing oliver into our family. he was in and now he's out and she's not shocked or mad or confused at all. i'm not saying it's my parenting or anything but i think it helped a little bit that we watched so many pregnancy development videos and the actual labor and delivery diagram video tons of times. she totally got there was a baby in there and that it was eventually coming out. she has her own way of dealing with things too. we had a sweet moment the other day, she woke up from her nap but wasn't ready to really do anything yet. still a bit groggy. so i left her room so she could wake up more. she wandered into oliver's room alone. i left her there for a while but then wondered what she was up to and i walked in to find her rocking in her old rocking chair and just staring off into space. i snuggled up next to her and told her i used to rock her in that chair and soon when ollie sleeps in his own room i'll rock him in it. she told me she remembered i used to rock her in it, and that we used to read books in it with daddy. then she said "you had a baby tummy but now he is out. can i show you?" and she lifted up my shirt and poked my doughy stomach and said "see? no tummy. he's out now. he's baby brother." i can't really explain the emotion of the situation but it was a tender moment with just the two of us. i love that she takes time alone to ponder and process things. i think she misses our alone time too, but instead of acting out, she is turning inward and processing it in her own way.
-she is soooooo hyper now. mostly just between the hours of 5 and 7 -_- she goes nuts and just laughs and rolls around like a loon when we try to get her ready for bed. she "forgets" that she's not allowed to jump on the couch, "forgets" how to say prayers, and "forgets" that it's bedtime. and usually i "forget" to be patient with all of that. working on it.
-bea loves to be the center of attention. we were all talking one morning and the conversation shifted to ollie and she said "hey! can we talk about ME please?!" it had us laughing pretty hard.
-no judgement zone, but she got signed with an agency here in utah that will represent her for free and just take a commission if she gets any work. they said that most of their 2 year olds get a job like every other month and so i guess we'll see. bea has a unique look for utah, whereas in the east she was just another jew girl. so who knows. what do we have to lose? and now i have a ton of cute pics of her from my friend/favorite photographer so it's basically a win anyway. i mean look at these!
-he pretty much hates the car. i ALWAYS make sure all of his needs are met before i put him in the car (fed, changed, soothed) and he still will scream once he's clicked into the seat about 60% of the time until he just falls asleep. then he sleeps for the rest of the ride. until the car stops for any reason and he starts screaming again. it makes getting out kind of stressful but i'm working on ignoring it. bea used to love the car so i'm a little baffled but hopefully he grows out of it soon.
-he LOVES my grandma! she came to visit from california this past week and she held him pretty much the whole time and he was always so peaceful and calm when she was holding him. he smiled and cooed at her more than anyone else ever. it was so sweet.
-he is smushy and adorable and i cant wait for him to get even more smushy! he is getting fatter and fatter each day and i cant wait for him to be covered in chunky rolls. fat babies are the best babies :)
welp, that's all i got for now. i sure love these behbehs of mine!
-she recently has decided to tell people what they smell like. it started one day when she buried her face into my cheek and said "mmmm mom you smell like BUTTER!" the next day, she picked me a flower and said "smell it mom! it smells like BUTTER!!!" so later that night with my family i asked her what each of them smells like. grandma just smells like grandma apparently. abby smells like butter (quite the compliment!) brad and papa smell like beard. and when we asked if sanjay smelled like butter too, she said "ehhhhh...no. you smell like....BLACK!!!" we thought it was pretty funny.
-she also thinks it's funny to change words to songs now. the other day we told her to sing our version of ta-ra-ra-boomdeeyay for my grandma and she sang "ta-ra-ra-boomdeeyay i'll take your pants away, if you're still standing there, i'll pee on there!" (that last line is supposed to say "i'll take your underwear" still potty humor but that other line is completely he own invention. so weird)
-she LOVES annie the musical. she goes around singing "tomorrow" almost constantly and it's the first thing she asks for when we get in the car. if i'm too tired of it, she then asks for taylor swift. i can stomach that better than hearing "tomorrow" a zillion times.
-she is TERRIFIED of flies. like obnoxiously scared of them. a fly got into our car yesterday (and that freaking thing would NOT GET OUT no matter how many windows i had down and no matter how strong the wind was pulling at it. i will kill its entire family for this) and she screamed literally for an hour, the whole way from provo to sandy. and not just like crying but like bloody murder, freddy-kruger-is-going-to-kill-me-right-this-second screams. it was ridiculous. i may or may not have yelled right back to just BE QUIET THAT STUPID BUG WILL NOT HURT YOU! CHILL OUT! it did not help. they push you to the breaking point, those toddlers.
-i found an alternative to TV in the mornings while i'm feeding oliver! bea LOVES playdoh. i kind of already knew that but we threw out her playdoh before we moved bc it had mostly all dried out but auntie abby made some homemade playdoh recently and it's been a lifesaver. bea will play with it for hours and i am sooooooo grateful.
-she still remembers everything. like stuff from when she was way too little to remember stuff. i can't recall anything right now but the last memory she pulled was from when she was like one or something. but my mom brain can't remember what it was. i was beginning to think she had a photographic memory but then i remembered that she STILL can't tell the difference between yellow and blue and was like "oh she really can't remember everything."
-she went to a princess ballet camp last week and absolutely loved it and keeps asking to go back. luckily the studio offers a performance based preschool at a very reasonable price so i think we may enroll her in that...
-she really hasn't skipped a beat with bringing oliver into our family. he was in and now he's out and she's not shocked or mad or confused at all. i'm not saying it's my parenting or anything but i think it helped a little bit that we watched so many pregnancy development videos and the actual labor and delivery diagram video tons of times. she totally got there was a baby in there and that it was eventually coming out. she has her own way of dealing with things too. we had a sweet moment the other day, she woke up from her nap but wasn't ready to really do anything yet. still a bit groggy. so i left her room so she could wake up more. she wandered into oliver's room alone. i left her there for a while but then wondered what she was up to and i walked in to find her rocking in her old rocking chair and just staring off into space. i snuggled up next to her and told her i used to rock her in that chair and soon when ollie sleeps in his own room i'll rock him in it. she told me she remembered i used to rock her in it, and that we used to read books in it with daddy. then she said "you had a baby tummy but now he is out. can i show you?" and she lifted up my shirt and poked my doughy stomach and said "see? no tummy. he's out now. he's baby brother." i can't really explain the emotion of the situation but it was a tender moment with just the two of us. i love that she takes time alone to ponder and process things. i think she misses our alone time too, but instead of acting out, she is turning inward and processing it in her own way.
-she is soooooo hyper now. mostly just between the hours of 5 and 7 -_- she goes nuts and just laughs and rolls around like a loon when we try to get her ready for bed. she "forgets" that she's not allowed to jump on the couch, "forgets" how to say prayers, and "forgets" that it's bedtime. and usually i "forget" to be patient with all of that. working on it.
-bea loves to be the center of attention. we were all talking one morning and the conversation shifted to ollie and she said "hey! can we talk about ME please?!" it had us laughing pretty hard.
-no judgement zone, but she got signed with an agency here in utah that will represent her for free and just take a commission if she gets any work. they said that most of their 2 year olds get a job like every other month and so i guess we'll see. bea has a unique look for utah, whereas in the east she was just another jew girl. so who knows. what do we have to lose? and now i have a ton of cute pics of her from my friend/favorite photographer so it's basically a win anyway. i mean look at these!
i mean come on. so cute. definitely gonna have to buy some cute frames now...
Oliver
-it's always harder to write about such new babies bc they're kind of bumps on a log for a while but he is starting to get a personality and we are enjoying him quite a bit. he smiles if you makes silly faces or tickle his chin and is starting to really hold his head up super well! he is a strong little chunk. his neck is virtually invisible though because his million chin rolls cover it up. dude is a CHUNK.
-he still likes to be swaddled and held tight in order to fall asleep. one arm behind his head, one on top across his legs. proper weight distribution or sleeping doesn't happen. i thought bea was a particular kid but he may give her a run for our money.
-he likes nuk pacifiers more than hospital green soothies. who knew? kids are all so different.
-he sleeps all the way through the night! 8-6/6:30! wahoo!
-boy can eat. he eats up to 6 oz at a time on the regular. and now that we switched his bottles and formula he is way less gassy and poops at least once a day! yayyyy!!!! and man are his poops STINKY! same with his farts. he is alllll boy.
-he has his 2 month check up on monday. i can't believe it. the days go slow but the months go fast. he just turned 8 weeks this past monday. i'm ok with him growing up though, whereas i mourned the days lost with bea. i just can't wait to see what the next day holds with him. i'm loving seeing him grow too much to mourn the fact that he's no longer so little. and let's be real this boy was never tiny, so there's that.
-speaking of which, he's outgrown his 0-3 month clothes and is on to 3-6 months! at 8 weeks old! crazy.
-he LOVES baths! you can visibly see him relax in the tub and it's so sweet. he loves getting water poured over his head and loves just sitting and soaking in his tub. bath time is so sweet for us and luckily he is often stinky so i bathe him a LOT.
-he got the spit up gene after all. it manifested itself a bit later with him. i don't know if he spits up as much as bea did (let's be real, NO kid spits up as much as she did!) but he has plenty of really bad spit ups per day. makes for a lot of laundry. and a lot of baths. i may have to buy some more burp cloths too.
-he pretty much hates the car. i ALWAYS make sure all of his needs are met before i put him in the car (fed, changed, soothed) and he still will scream once he's clicked into the seat about 60% of the time until he just falls asleep. then he sleeps for the rest of the ride. until the car stops for any reason and he starts screaming again. it makes getting out kind of stressful but i'm working on ignoring it. bea used to love the car so i'm a little baffled but hopefully he grows out of it soon.
-he LOVES my grandma! she came to visit from california this past week and she held him pretty much the whole time and he was always so peaceful and calm when she was holding him. he smiled and cooed at her more than anyone else ever. it was so sweet.
-he is smushy and adorable and i cant wait for him to get even more smushy! he is getting fatter and fatter each day and i cant wait for him to be covered in chunky rolls. fat babies are the best babies :)
 |
| he's fatter now than in those pictures!! that was a month ago! |
welp, that's all i got for now. i sure love these behbehs of mine!
Sunday, August 9, 2015
getting to know you
we blessed Oliver today!
not that i have any pictures of it or anything but it happened! so hooray! it was a nice day surrounded by family. we're prreeettty glad to be so close to everyone now. makes days like these a lot less work. and much less expensive. (no plane tickets, amiright?!)
anyway. oliver will be 7 weeks tomorrow and i feel like i finally know who he is as a person. or rather as a baby bc i don't feel like you know who they are as a person until they're like 18 months.
he had a few weeks where he was really gassy and constipated, and overtired from not sleeping because he was so uncomfortable, and he ended up just crying/screaming/fussing all. the. time. i had begun to think that i just ended up with a fussy baby when one day i fed him more than his typical 4 oz and he gulped it down! i was starving my poor baby! i guess i just could not fathom that a baby his age could want so much to eat but i guess you learn something new everyday. it didn't solve his gas problems though unfortunately. he wasn't screaming anymore but he was still visibly uncomfortable like 70% of the time. i felt bad for the poor guy so i finally posted a fb status asking people for help, -ANYTHING- to help with my poor, constipated, gassy baby. i got a lot of really great suggestions, and ended up switching his formula and using some special bottles and he is MUCH more content now. less gas, more poop (he even had his first blowout today at brad's parents' house. on their bed. oops). blowouts aside, smiles all around.
i've been able to re-read some of my favorite book on baby-sleep as well and it refreshed some great information. and now, since he's become more content, i've been able to get to know what he likes, what he doesn't like, how he likes to be soothed etc. and his day sleep has also been much improved. his night sleep has always been great. he's even started doing even LONGER stretches so basically for all intents and purposes, he's sleeping through the night. what can i say? i make great sleepers. during the day, he takes several naps at consistent times and intervals now, which is earlier than i remember bea falling into a predictable schedule. i love that he's more predictable now though, it will make toting him and bea around a bit easier. he likes to be swaddled and held close while falling asleep, while sucking on a pacifier. when he's ready to finally sleep he spits it out, i put him down, sort of on his side (but mostly on his back) and he sleeps wonderfully.
he's finally started to smile and coo a bit and i am loving it. i finally look at his face and think "how did i ever survive without you?" i'm not sure why it took so long to get to that place. i suppose it's just because i don't deal well with change. i had such a beautiful routine with just bea and i, and i think the break in it rocked me quite a bit; way more than it rocked her. she never once questioned that baby brother was ours and here for good. we had been talking and leading up to it for so long that when it finally happened, she was like "finally! yes!!!! i have a brother now! let's keep it!" whereas i was like "HOW CAN I LOVE TWO BABIES WHAT WAS I THINKING?! I AM A HORRIBLE HUMAN!" all of that has thankfully subsided and our family of four is perfectly complete.
i keep wanting to get family photos of the four of us, but i won't be happy if i immortalize myself at this size. call me vain but i don't want to pay for a photoshoot where all i'll see is how enormous i am. we'll get em done in october, when the leaves get pretty. (or as pretty as they get here. i will always miss my new england leaves. "fall foliage" if you will.)
anyway. i'm feeling better since my last post. i'm happier. i'm enjoying two more than struggling with two. and i know it will just keep getting better and i am just so excited for what our future holds. i love my little family!!!
and now some amazing pictures of my little loves from a spur of the moment candid shoot 2 weeks ago by a dear friend of mine.
not that i have any pictures of it or anything but it happened! so hooray! it was a nice day surrounded by family. we're prreeettty glad to be so close to everyone now. makes days like these a lot less work. and much less expensive. (no plane tickets, amiright?!)
anyway. oliver will be 7 weeks tomorrow and i feel like i finally know who he is as a person. or rather as a baby bc i don't feel like you know who they are as a person until they're like 18 months.
he had a few weeks where he was really gassy and constipated, and overtired from not sleeping because he was so uncomfortable, and he ended up just crying/screaming/fussing all. the. time. i had begun to think that i just ended up with a fussy baby when one day i fed him more than his typical 4 oz and he gulped it down! i was starving my poor baby! i guess i just could not fathom that a baby his age could want so much to eat but i guess you learn something new everyday. it didn't solve his gas problems though unfortunately. he wasn't screaming anymore but he was still visibly uncomfortable like 70% of the time. i felt bad for the poor guy so i finally posted a fb status asking people for help, -ANYTHING- to help with my poor, constipated, gassy baby. i got a lot of really great suggestions, and ended up switching his formula and using some special bottles and he is MUCH more content now. less gas, more poop (he even had his first blowout today at brad's parents' house. on their bed. oops). blowouts aside, smiles all around.
i've been able to re-read some of my favorite book on baby-sleep as well and it refreshed some great information. and now, since he's become more content, i've been able to get to know what he likes, what he doesn't like, how he likes to be soothed etc. and his day sleep has also been much improved. his night sleep has always been great. he's even started doing even LONGER stretches so basically for all intents and purposes, he's sleeping through the night. what can i say? i make great sleepers. during the day, he takes several naps at consistent times and intervals now, which is earlier than i remember bea falling into a predictable schedule. i love that he's more predictable now though, it will make toting him and bea around a bit easier. he likes to be swaddled and held close while falling asleep, while sucking on a pacifier. when he's ready to finally sleep he spits it out, i put him down, sort of on his side (but mostly on his back) and he sleeps wonderfully.
he's finally started to smile and coo a bit and i am loving it. i finally look at his face and think "how did i ever survive without you?" i'm not sure why it took so long to get to that place. i suppose it's just because i don't deal well with change. i had such a beautiful routine with just bea and i, and i think the break in it rocked me quite a bit; way more than it rocked her. she never once questioned that baby brother was ours and here for good. we had been talking and leading up to it for so long that when it finally happened, she was like "finally! yes!!!! i have a brother now! let's keep it!" whereas i was like "HOW CAN I LOVE TWO BABIES WHAT WAS I THINKING?! I AM A HORRIBLE HUMAN!" all of that has thankfully subsided and our family of four is perfectly complete.
i keep wanting to get family photos of the four of us, but i won't be happy if i immortalize myself at this size. call me vain but i don't want to pay for a photoshoot where all i'll see is how enormous i am. we'll get em done in october, when the leaves get pretty. (or as pretty as they get here. i will always miss my new england leaves. "fall foliage" if you will.)
anyway. i'm feeling better since my last post. i'm happier. i'm enjoying two more than struggling with two. and i know it will just keep getting better and i am just so excited for what our future holds. i love my little family!!!
and now some amazing pictures of my little loves from a spur of the moment candid shoot 2 weeks ago by a dear friend of mine.
 |
| i love his great big googly eyes |
 |
| don't mind the pink flowery bouncer...it's a bea leftover we keep at gramma's house |
Thursday, July 16, 2015
life with two.
i've felt the need to write some things down lately.
i have a lot of feels. like all the feels.
bradley got to stay home with us for 2 weeks after oliver was born, which was amazing. the first week was all a blur of moving in and loafing about and sleeping and recovering and stuff. my mom was with us too which was really nice. but halfway through, i got slammed with baby blues. hard. i hate the term "baby blues". it trivializes something that is literally debilitating and terrifying. i was oscillating between either crying hysterically in the utter depths of total despair or staring off into space, completely zoning out and completely numb to everything, which freaked me out and sent me into a panic. i had one good day in between all of it but for the most part the second week post-partum was a terrifying display of all-encompassing depression and gloom. it was bad. i had this after bea for a while, except with her it didn't hit that soon, i had 4 really great months and then it slammed me for a long time before we could get it under control. so i was expecting a similar time frame this time around. and since i felt great in the hospital i thought i would be ok for a while. but like they say, each pregnancy/recovery is different. so we saw the proper professionals and started treating it the day before bradley went back to work, and i've been functioning and feeling much better.
week 3 was nice, even though bradley had to go back to work, my mom and abby came down for a few days to keep me company and make sure i was doing ok after everything that went down the week before, and then some good girlfriends of mine came by on the other days for a few hours to help me out. i mostly just needed company, and someone to help me entertain bea/hold the baby. i think bea was getting kind of bored of me since we were still homebound and a little stir-crazy. i ended the week with an amazing girls' night at my house with a bunch of my girlfriends from high school that all happen to live in utah right now. i am so blessed to have them close. it was a lonnnng night of laughter, snacks, stories and memories. a much needed boost from some of my very favorite people. and then on sunday i got to go to a missionary farewell from one of the kids i used to nanny back in connecticut many years ago (he was only 11 when i started!) which was wonderful. it was our first time bringing oliver to church and he was really good. (we only stayed for the first hour but hey! it counts!) i can never believe how many of my dearest friends ended up in utah! it makes me really happy to be here. it reminds me a little bit of what heaven will be like, surrounded by all of our closest friends, able to visit anyone of our dearly beloved at our own whims..
week 4 has been good too. i mean it's only wednesday but i've been able to get out of the house all by myself with both kids each day this week! (and even showered a few times!) and we are getting out again tomorrow! i have bea signed up for one of those trial tumbling classes at the little gym to see how she likes it. if she does, we will finally have a weekly activity again and be able to get back into something resembling a routine. oliver is a pretty good baby overall, he sleeps long stretches day and night still, waking consistently every 3.5-5 hours to eat. he does the 5 hr stretches at night which is awesome. brad takes the one night feeding and depending on when oliver wakes up, we switch off for the first morning one. if it's before 7:30 brad takes it and if it's after, i do it while he gets ready for work. the only thing oliver doesn't like is getting into his carseat. i reallllllllllllly hope he grows out of this soon bc we need to get in the car. a lot. and i would love to do that without 20 min of incessant screaming. he likes tummy time which is nice. he's even rolled over twice! we can't figure out if they were intentional or flukes but it's pretty impressive. he is huge and still growing and eating a TON. twice as much per feeding as bea was eating at this age. he is the size of a healthy 1.5 month old but he is still flopsy like a newborn so that makes some things a little problematic. like wearing him. he likes to be worn in my new wrap, and i like to wear him in it. BUT he is so big that his head doesn't like to stay inside the head fold of the newborn wrap..but it still works out ok. i need to be brave enough to wear it in a store or something now... i just hate getting him out of the dang seat! he hates getting in and out of it so much.... But, overall. good baby.
i'm going to be honest with you guys, it's taken me longer to bond with him than it did with bea, and that may partially be due to the PPD or maybe my guilt with having to divert my attention from bea at what was such a sweet moment in our lives. i'd be lying if i told you i didn't miss the days where it was just me and her sometimes. that doesn't mean i love oliver any less or have any regrets or anything, it just takes me a long time to get used to big changes. and this is probably the biggest change we will have for a verrrry long time.
i'm struggling a little with the newborn phase this time around too. i LOVED it with bea. and on the whole, i really do love newborns. but now that i have a toddler, i always feel rushed doing things with oliver so that i can get back to entertaining bea. and it frustrates me. i loved the slow days after bea was born where i literally had nothing to do but lay on my couch with a snoozing little newborn on my chest. but i can't do that all day err' day with this little snuglet. i got stuff i gotta do. plus it's summer so the ever-pressing need to go out and do stuff is always hanging over me. since bea was born in winter, i felt so much less pressure to be active. it was too cold to go out and do anything so staying in and doing nothing with her was very satisfying. like we were waiting out the winter together. i mean, there are definitely plusses to having a summer baby (no rsv, no billion layers of clothing, no worrying about whether they're freezing at night, etc) but the need to be out isn't one of them. at least not at the beginning. i am grateful now that i'm more into getting out and he is getting bigger that it's easier to just pop out the door without having to bundle up and stuff. i just find myself wishing away the newborn days every once in a while because i feel like i just don't have time for him to be so needy. like, i just know getting out and doing stuff will be so much EASIER once he turns 2-3 months. but i need to cherish these days while i have them because when they're gone, i'm never getting them back and it really is a sweet time. i need to release the guilt of plopping bea in front of a show while i feed and snuggle the baby because otherwise, i wouldn't get that time with him. one day we'll watch less tv, as a wise friend once told me, and i just have to keep telling myself that.
bradley, on the other hand, bonded with oliver instantly. it's been really sweet to watch actually. oliver LOVES him. he's more into the daddy than me right now i think, which is ok. he stops crying faster when bradley is holding him, likes it better when bradley swaddles him, feeds him etc. it's actually pretty adorable. it took brad a while to bond with bea because he was just so dang nervous about having a new baby. this time, he got right in there immediately and became super newborn dad right out of the gate. which really impressed me!
now that oliver is "waking up" a bit, and showing bits of his budding personality, it's been a bit easier for me. i feel like i'm getting to know him. it's weird, i never thought of new babies as strangers but that's totally what they are. they're a whole brand new person that you've never met and you really do have to take some time to get to know them. and it doesn't mean i love them any less. i mean, obviously i would do anything for him. since the moment they plopped him on my chest, i knew i would jump in front of a bus for him. i've loved him since day one. but i didn't know him yet. and i'm finally starting to feel like i do.
it's also funny to me that oliver looked(s) like a legitimate newborn. he's still a little goofy looking, as most newborns are. bea was like the only exception to this rule. she was such a bizarrely cute newborn, and we constantly heard about it from other people. so it's been a little...not disheartening really, but like. a blow to my pride? no.. i don't know. it's just been weird this time to not constantly be hearing praise for what we made. and i mean it's because he's a normal newborn! he doesn't have the dimples or the constant smile on his face like his sister did. which is fine! and he is totally getting cute in his own googly-eyed way. (i LOVE his googly eyes.) but i know what they mean now when they say that only a mother finds something cute haha
also, bea has changed so much during all of this, which is throwing me for a loop. i thought she would be acting out more or being a brat or maybe regress with her potty training or something. but that stuff hasn't happened much. she has instead become so incredibly precocious and outgoing, which she kind of has always been but she was a little more subtle about things before. and a little more coy. i think now because she is meeting SO many new people, she is really bursting out of her shell with extreme prejudice. i never really considered bea a "spirited child" before now; she's been pretty even-keeled and mellow on the whole, but now she is just bursting with bubbly energy and wants to be instant friends with everyone she encounters. subtlety is no longer in her social vocabulary. i suppose part of it is just her growing up, 2 and a half is a lot different from 2, and she's definitely made the leap. i kind of miss the sensitive, tentative part of her, which still peeks out sometimes, but is mostly eclipsed by the vivacious and gregarious kid she's becoming. and holy cow she is so smart. it's unreal. the pediatrician was (and most people are) shocked by how well she talks for her age and for how unabashedly communicative she is. she talks in long sentences, knows synonyms for most simple words (like she likes to say "GIANT!" and "HUGE!" instead of big, and "little tiny!" instead of small), and tells stories constantly. it's pretty adorable. she spent the whole ride down from midway yesterday reading imaginary books about dinosaurs and "BIG HUGE GIANT BUBBLES!" to me. it was pretttttty cute. her memory is also kind of scary. like i think she heard in passing one time that we moved to sandy and now she keeps referring as our house to "bea's new house. bea's sandy house." and yesterday on our way to story time, she said "we went to lots of story times when we lived by new york city!" and she saw a small pool on tv the other day and said "hey! that's like the splash pad in the city! i went to the splash pad with penny in her city!" which was like the first week of may, and she still remembers. she remembers evvvvverything. she's a smart cookie. and she lovvvves her baby brother. she hasn't had ANY negative reactions or feelings toward him at all. she always wants to help him out and make it better when he's crying. the only thing she's done that wasn't so stellar was the first day brad was back at work i had to take a break from playing dress up with her to feed the baby, and she took his bottle from me and ran away with it. but that was an isolated incident and i think now she gets that i'll pay attention to her again while/when i'm done feeding/changing/soothing the baby.
anyway. i don't want this to sound like a totally downer post, because i truly don't have any negative feelings about bringing oliver into our family. he definitely belongs here and we love him to pieces and he totally and absolutely completes our family. but going from one to two has been a struggle in ways i didn't really expect. and i don't think many people talk about it, because maybe they're ashamed. i thought i would struggle with like actual, physical tasks. like, the day-to-day keeping up with laundry, dishes, catering to both kids at once, going places etc. and while those things are harder with 2, i really haven't struggled with them. like at all. i'm on top of housework like a freaking boss and i'm getting stuff done and needs met. but emotionally it's been sort of a rocky road, which kind of blind-sided me. i thought our connection would be instant and that it would feel like he'd always belonged here with us, and that something was missing before and things all feel "right" now, when in reality it took time to get used to him and feel like he was "supposed" to be with us, if that makes sense. like it took a week or two for me to see him and not be like, "...what are you doing here?" which i think is a lot more common and normal than people would like to admit. a lot of my friends just had their second children and all i've seen are instagrams and facebooks of my friends blowing up with "overwhelmed with love for our new little one" or "we are so in love!" and "this is such a dream!" and blah blah blah and i feel like i missed something. i'm discovering online now (thanks to the google.) that a prolonged bonding process is TOTALLY normal with subsequent children and that i'm not alone, and i just wish someone would have told me it was a very likely possibility. because i felt (and still do sometimes) feel like a horrible mom and human being because it's taking me longer to get to know my second child than it did with my first. and i shouldn't feel that way, because it's completely normal. mom guilt you guys. the struggle is real.
i get a lot of moments here and there, just brief ones, where i see a glimpse into the future of bea and ollie playing together when he is bigger, or walking to school together, or telling each other jokes, being there for each other as teenagers, and my heart feels so full it could burst. i am so excited for the friends they are going to be. and those glimpses are what get me through the day. when i am struggling with dividing my attention between two, or feeling guilty for not giving all my love and affection to only bea, i remember those pre-memories (is that a thing?) and everything feels right. it feels like this is how it's supposed to be. these two need each other and i'm so glad i could bring him to her. and i'm so glad they're mine.
i have a lot of feels. like all the feels.
bradley got to stay home with us for 2 weeks after oliver was born, which was amazing. the first week was all a blur of moving in and loafing about and sleeping and recovering and stuff. my mom was with us too which was really nice. but halfway through, i got slammed with baby blues. hard. i hate the term "baby blues". it trivializes something that is literally debilitating and terrifying. i was oscillating between either crying hysterically in the utter depths of total despair or staring off into space, completely zoning out and completely numb to everything, which freaked me out and sent me into a panic. i had one good day in between all of it but for the most part the second week post-partum was a terrifying display of all-encompassing depression and gloom. it was bad. i had this after bea for a while, except with her it didn't hit that soon, i had 4 really great months and then it slammed me for a long time before we could get it under control. so i was expecting a similar time frame this time around. and since i felt great in the hospital i thought i would be ok for a while. but like they say, each pregnancy/recovery is different. so we saw the proper professionals and started treating it the day before bradley went back to work, and i've been functioning and feeling much better.
week 3 was nice, even though bradley had to go back to work, my mom and abby came down for a few days to keep me company and make sure i was doing ok after everything that went down the week before, and then some good girlfriends of mine came by on the other days for a few hours to help me out. i mostly just needed company, and someone to help me entertain bea/hold the baby. i think bea was getting kind of bored of me since we were still homebound and a little stir-crazy. i ended the week with an amazing girls' night at my house with a bunch of my girlfriends from high school that all happen to live in utah right now. i am so blessed to have them close. it was a lonnnng night of laughter, snacks, stories and memories. a much needed boost from some of my very favorite people. and then on sunday i got to go to a missionary farewell from one of the kids i used to nanny back in connecticut many years ago (he was only 11 when i started!) which was wonderful. it was our first time bringing oliver to church and he was really good. (we only stayed for the first hour but hey! it counts!) i can never believe how many of my dearest friends ended up in utah! it makes me really happy to be here. it reminds me a little bit of what heaven will be like, surrounded by all of our closest friends, able to visit anyone of our dearly beloved at our own whims..
 |
| she was so bored with me and playing with the same toys by herself day in and day out. luckily our friends came to bail us out! |
i'm going to be honest with you guys, it's taken me longer to bond with him than it did with bea, and that may partially be due to the PPD or maybe my guilt with having to divert my attention from bea at what was such a sweet moment in our lives. i'd be lying if i told you i didn't miss the days where it was just me and her sometimes. that doesn't mean i love oliver any less or have any regrets or anything, it just takes me a long time to get used to big changes. and this is probably the biggest change we will have for a verrrry long time.
i'm struggling a little with the newborn phase this time around too. i LOVED it with bea. and on the whole, i really do love newborns. but now that i have a toddler, i always feel rushed doing things with oliver so that i can get back to entertaining bea. and it frustrates me. i loved the slow days after bea was born where i literally had nothing to do but lay on my couch with a snoozing little newborn on my chest. but i can't do that all day err' day with this little snuglet. i got stuff i gotta do. plus it's summer so the ever-pressing need to go out and do stuff is always hanging over me. since bea was born in winter, i felt so much less pressure to be active. it was too cold to go out and do anything so staying in and doing nothing with her was very satisfying. like we were waiting out the winter together. i mean, there are definitely plusses to having a summer baby (no rsv, no billion layers of clothing, no worrying about whether they're freezing at night, etc) but the need to be out isn't one of them. at least not at the beginning. i am grateful now that i'm more into getting out and he is getting bigger that it's easier to just pop out the door without having to bundle up and stuff. i just find myself wishing away the newborn days every once in a while because i feel like i just don't have time for him to be so needy. like, i just know getting out and doing stuff will be so much EASIER once he turns 2-3 months. but i need to cherish these days while i have them because when they're gone, i'm never getting them back and it really is a sweet time. i need to release the guilt of plopping bea in front of a show while i feed and snuggle the baby because otherwise, i wouldn't get that time with him. one day we'll watch less tv, as a wise friend once told me, and i just have to keep telling myself that.
bradley, on the other hand, bonded with oliver instantly. it's been really sweet to watch actually. oliver LOVES him. he's more into the daddy than me right now i think, which is ok. he stops crying faster when bradley is holding him, likes it better when bradley swaddles him, feeds him etc. it's actually pretty adorable. it took brad a while to bond with bea because he was just so dang nervous about having a new baby. this time, he got right in there immediately and became super newborn dad right out of the gate. which really impressed me!
now that oliver is "waking up" a bit, and showing bits of his budding personality, it's been a bit easier for me. i feel like i'm getting to know him. it's weird, i never thought of new babies as strangers but that's totally what they are. they're a whole brand new person that you've never met and you really do have to take some time to get to know them. and it doesn't mean i love them any less. i mean, obviously i would do anything for him. since the moment they plopped him on my chest, i knew i would jump in front of a bus for him. i've loved him since day one. but i didn't know him yet. and i'm finally starting to feel like i do.
it's also funny to me that oliver looked(s) like a legitimate newborn. he's still a little goofy looking, as most newborns are. bea was like the only exception to this rule. she was such a bizarrely cute newborn, and we constantly heard about it from other people. so it's been a little...not disheartening really, but like. a blow to my pride? no.. i don't know. it's just been weird this time to not constantly be hearing praise for what we made. and i mean it's because he's a normal newborn! he doesn't have the dimples or the constant smile on his face like his sister did. which is fine! and he is totally getting cute in his own googly-eyed way. (i LOVE his googly eyes.) but i know what they mean now when they say that only a mother finds something cute haha
also, bea has changed so much during all of this, which is throwing me for a loop. i thought she would be acting out more or being a brat or maybe regress with her potty training or something. but that stuff hasn't happened much. she has instead become so incredibly precocious and outgoing, which she kind of has always been but she was a little more subtle about things before. and a little more coy. i think now because she is meeting SO many new people, she is really bursting out of her shell with extreme prejudice. i never really considered bea a "spirited child" before now; she's been pretty even-keeled and mellow on the whole, but now she is just bursting with bubbly energy and wants to be instant friends with everyone she encounters. subtlety is no longer in her social vocabulary. i suppose part of it is just her growing up, 2 and a half is a lot different from 2, and she's definitely made the leap. i kind of miss the sensitive, tentative part of her, which still peeks out sometimes, but is mostly eclipsed by the vivacious and gregarious kid she's becoming. and holy cow she is so smart. it's unreal. the pediatrician was (and most people are) shocked by how well she talks for her age and for how unabashedly communicative she is. she talks in long sentences, knows synonyms for most simple words (like she likes to say "GIANT!" and "HUGE!" instead of big, and "little tiny!" instead of small), and tells stories constantly. it's pretty adorable. she spent the whole ride down from midway yesterday reading imaginary books about dinosaurs and "BIG HUGE GIANT BUBBLES!" to me. it was pretttttty cute. her memory is also kind of scary. like i think she heard in passing one time that we moved to sandy and now she keeps referring as our house to "bea's new house. bea's sandy house." and yesterday on our way to story time, she said "we went to lots of story times when we lived by new york city!" and she saw a small pool on tv the other day and said "hey! that's like the splash pad in the city! i went to the splash pad with penny in her city!" which was like the first week of may, and she still remembers. she remembers evvvvverything. she's a smart cookie. and she lovvvves her baby brother. she hasn't had ANY negative reactions or feelings toward him at all. she always wants to help him out and make it better when he's crying. the only thing she's done that wasn't so stellar was the first day brad was back at work i had to take a break from playing dress up with her to feed the baby, and she took his bottle from me and ran away with it. but that was an isolated incident and i think now she gets that i'll pay attention to her again while/when i'm done feeding/changing/soothing the baby.
anyway. i don't want this to sound like a totally downer post, because i truly don't have any negative feelings about bringing oliver into our family. he definitely belongs here and we love him to pieces and he totally and absolutely completes our family. but going from one to two has been a struggle in ways i didn't really expect. and i don't think many people talk about it, because maybe they're ashamed. i thought i would struggle with like actual, physical tasks. like, the day-to-day keeping up with laundry, dishes, catering to both kids at once, going places etc. and while those things are harder with 2, i really haven't struggled with them. like at all. i'm on top of housework like a freaking boss and i'm getting stuff done and needs met. but emotionally it's been sort of a rocky road, which kind of blind-sided me. i thought our connection would be instant and that it would feel like he'd always belonged here with us, and that something was missing before and things all feel "right" now, when in reality it took time to get used to him and feel like he was "supposed" to be with us, if that makes sense. like it took a week or two for me to see him and not be like, "...what are you doing here?" which i think is a lot more common and normal than people would like to admit. a lot of my friends just had their second children and all i've seen are instagrams and facebooks of my friends blowing up with "overwhelmed with love for our new little one" or "we are so in love!" and "this is such a dream!" and blah blah blah and i feel like i missed something. i'm discovering online now (thanks to the google.) that a prolonged bonding process is TOTALLY normal with subsequent children and that i'm not alone, and i just wish someone would have told me it was a very likely possibility. because i felt (and still do sometimes) feel like a horrible mom and human being because it's taking me longer to get to know my second child than it did with my first. and i shouldn't feel that way, because it's completely normal. mom guilt you guys. the struggle is real.
i get a lot of moments here and there, just brief ones, where i see a glimpse into the future of bea and ollie playing together when he is bigger, or walking to school together, or telling each other jokes, being there for each other as teenagers, and my heart feels so full it could burst. i am so excited for the friends they are going to be. and those glimpses are what get me through the day. when i am struggling with dividing my attention between two, or feeling guilty for not giving all my love and affection to only bea, i remember those pre-memories (is that a thing?) and everything feels right. it feels like this is how it's supposed to be. these two need each other and i'm so glad i could bring him to her. and i'm so glad they're mine.
Monday, June 29, 2015
baby brother's birth (oh and our cross-country move)
you guys.
seriously.
this month has hands down been the absolute CRAZIEST month of my adult life. bar none. no competition. i'm surprised we made it through alive and in one piece. my mind is blown. let's take a look, shall we?
May 23: my mother flies to connecticut to help us prepare for the movers to come wrap up our house
May 27: mom, bea, and i fly to utah on the longest travel day of my life. if you want to avoid crusties from every human in an airport, don't fly after 36 weeks pregnant. actually, how about just never fly in your third trimester? it is miserable and awful and i will never do it again (also i will never be pregnant again. beside the point.) luckily, with the help from my amazing mom, bea was completely entertained and i at least got to read in peace during the flights (there were two.) rather than wrangle a disoriented toddler.
May 28: we pick up my sister (who has last-minute returned home early from her mission due to a nasty case of mono) from the airport
May 29: i begin house-hunting with my mom, sister, and daughter in tow
June 1: i meet with my new OB/GYN, we go over my birth plan, which is very specific because we want to avoid the horrible recovery i had after delivering bea, all looks good. we make weekly appointments until i deliver.
~somewhere in here, i buy a minivan~
June 5: movers pack up our CT apartment and load up the truck with the estimated utah arrival window set to "june 9-29" awesome. gotta love some precision.
June 6: our car back in CT is loaded up to be shipped to utah with an esitmated arrival window of "2 to 20 days". again, with the precision. loving it.
June 7: Bradley FINALLY joins us in utah
June 9: bradley and i sign a lease on a home in sandy that will remain empty until our movers decide to get here
June 10: bradley's first day on the new job! lots of fun, lots of excitement. he's a happy dude.
~i am extremely uncomfortable and hugely pregnant~
June 14: i turn 26! adulthood! happy birthday to me!
June 15: i go to the dr. i'm 1 cm dilated and 50% effaced! progress is being made!
June 16-18: i waste away in 39 weeks pregnant misery
Friday June 19: i watch paul blart mall cop with the fam. i have consistent contractions the whole time and several hours after! could this be it?! i call the hospital. they say don't come in unless you can't talk through your contractions. they don't admit you unless your water has broken or you are at a 5 (?!WHAT!). i stay at home. contractions stop by 5 am.
Saturday June 20: contractions continue on and off throughout the day, in the evening severe back pain sets in. is this the dreaded back labor? it is pretty much the most painful thing ever. i don't sleep all night.
Sunday June 21: back pain continues throughout the day, contractions are on and off but not regular. (somewhere in here brad gets the phone call saying, hooray! the movers will be at the house tomorrow morning at 8 am!) by evening the back pain gets too much to bear, it's constant, unlike contractions, and i'm getting to the point where it hurts so bad it's hard to speak. at 8 pm we call the dr on call, who says to come to the hospital, get checked, and if i'm not yet to a 5 we could always call my dr to ask permission to induce me. sounds legit. bradley and i go to the hospital (a 45 minute drive. with contractions and supposed back labor. not fun.)
we get there, they check me, and i'm at 3.5 cm, 80% effaced. not enough to admit me, esp since my contractions are still so inconsistent. the nurse asks about the nature of my back pain and then whacks me in the back. it hurts SO bad it knocks the wind out of me. she says it seems not like back labor but a kidney problem and sends my urine for a culture. turns out i have a UTI?! no other symptoms except the kidney pain, no fever, no pain urinating, no blood in the urine. we are stumped. the pain flares up again so they give me pain pills and antibiotics for the UTI, which i promptly vomit up because i am in so much pain and they also didn't give me anything to eat with them and it's midnight at this point and i haven't eaten since 5. they try again, but i am still writhing in pain, whereupon they give me a fentanyl drip in my arm. it lasts an hour whereupon they tell me to rest while they wait to hear from my doctor about whether or not they can induce me. an hour later, the fentanyl drip wears off and i am again in excruciating pain, when the midwife concludes that i most likely have a kidney stone that has caused my infection, that it is agitated by the baby's movements and my contractions, and that is the source of the pain i'm feeling, and the only way to deal with it is pain management and trying to pass the stone and kill the infection with antibiotics. oh and to get the baby out asap. since they still haven't heard back from my doctor about inducing me, she won't be in until 8 am, and their policy says they can't keep me for longer than 6 hours without admitting me officially, they decide to send me home at 4 am, crying hysterically in pain, with a prescription for pain pills that i can't fill until 2 hours after the current ones wear off because there are no 24 hour pharmacies for miles. yay. we return to my mom's house. she is outraged that we have been sent home but tucks me in and tells me to try and get some rest. my back settles down enough for me to get some rest around 5 am.
Monday June 22: at 6 am my back flares up again, tears ensue, bradley wakes up and has to head down to sandy to meet the movers. i drift off but wake up again at 7 screaming and throwing up from the back pain. mother has had enough, she calls the hospital in a rage demanding they take me back immediately and admit me and at the very least get me some pain relief. the midwife who attended to me the night before says mother is completely right, the hospital's policy is ridiculous, i should never have been sent home in that condition, to bring me back immediately and we will get that baby out and fix that kidney. i get a blessing from my dad so i can endure the long drive to the hospital and my back settles down. my dad brings bea to my in-laws for the day, and mom, abby and i head to the hospital and make it there in one piece.
we check in and they are all wildly accommodating, saying they are expecting me, they've talked to my dr, they will admit me immediately, give me an immediate epidural after giving me iv pain meds to relieve my back, and start pitocin once my dr arrives. my nurse is awesome. i am making a mental note now that i still need to send her a gift. we call brad and tell him i'm going to be induced like right now and to make it over as soon as the movers are done. he is very excited and says they are almost done (at this point it's like 10:30 am) and he will grab something to eat and then head over
my doctor arrives, the epidural kicks in, my back is finally somewhat relieved (it doesn't completely go away because my kidney goes slightly higher than where the epi goes in, but it is significantly reduced. eventually it goes away at some point in the day.) she checks me, i'm at a 4 and 80%, the pitocin starts at about 11 am. THE BABY IS COMING SOON!
abby ducks out of the hospital for a bit for an appointment somewhere. my dad works at the university so he pops in for a bit to keep us company. brad makes it over by 12:30/1pm. we all hang out and chit chat for a while. abby comes back at like 2, dad leaves. bradley decides that his outfit just won't do for having a baby, because he is in his grubby moving clothes and abby just likes shopping so after i get checked and am decidedly only at a 6, we figure they have time to dart over to the nearby nordstrom rack and grab him a new shirt.
the dr comes in like 45 min later and says i'm at a 9 and 100% effaced, let's prep for pushing! she'll be back in a few to get started! we frantically call brad and abby and tell them to come back. they are checking out and say they will be back soon. we text dad and he comes back. abby and bradley make it back just after the dr comes back in at like 3:45. by just a little after 4, i am all set up to push, and after some great pushes, oliver is born at 4:55!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! the first thing everyone says is "WHOA HE IS HUGE!!!!!" and "I KNEW HE'D HAVE HAIR!!!!"
when bea was born, she was silent and wide-eyed for like a solid 45 minutes until people started poking and rubbing her down. oliver screamed for 25 solid minutes until i could finally sit up after delivering my placenta and getting stitched up (2nd degree tear! that baby was HUGE.) and then i could nurse him (he latched almost immediately which is surprising, considering he is tongue tied! we're getting that fixed in a week, i am not excited about it.) after adequate soothing, they weighed him and lo and behold, he came in at 9 LBS!!!!! I DELIVERED A 9 LB BABY!!!!!!!!!!!! he's also 21.5 inches long, which i could have told you. that kid took up soooo much space in there.
we were wheeled off to the maternity ward, the in-laws came to see the baby with bea in tow, she was a little bewildered but mostly excited. and after that, honestly it's a blur, i do not remember most of the rest of that day. 3 sleepless days and nights ending with the biggest feat of humanity takes a lot out of you. the rest of the hospital stay was (thankfully!) uneventful compared to last time, they scanned my kidney and it was clear of any stones so we suppose it either came out in my catheter (which they searched each time they emptied it and didn't catch anything but they could have missed it) or that my kidney was just extremely inflamed from the UTI and the baby's constant agitating it and my contractions were exaggerating the inflammation pain. good news is, i do not have to pass a kidney stone unassisted. hallelujah.
we came home on wednesday, my mother in law was at our new home with bea waiting for us, and bea was SO EXCITED to see baby brother again. we walked in the door and she ran up to us screaming "OLIVER!!!!!!!!!!" it was painfully adorable. the house was in surprisingly good shape considering the movers had only come 2 days before. my mom and mother in law and brad had been working feverishly while i was in the hospital to get things more or less ready for us to settle in by the time we got home. over the next few days, i laid around a lot and my mom and bradley finished unpacking our house. by saturday, everything was done! hooray! i still have a little organizing projects to do here and there but it looks like we've been here forever. and brad still has a whole week left of paternity leave! i am very excited for this week because it feels like a do-over come-home week from the hospital. now that we don't have a ton of moving tasks to do, we can finally relax and focus on getting used to becoming a family of four.
this post has mainly been a "facts only" post because i honestly don't have the energy to write about all the feels i'm having right now. i am all over the place emotionally. a lot of it is post partum hormones (let's be real, most of it), but obviously all these changes happening at once has thrown me (and bea) completely for a loop. i'm sure it's thrown brad too but he has totally been our rock in this situation since getting to utah and i am eternally grateful. luckily, oliver has followed in his sister's footsteps and is a fantastic sleeper. he would sleep through the night if we let him, but he needs to get back to his enormous birth weight before we can let him do it. so he does 4 hour stretches at night, brad wakes up at 2:30 and 6:30 to feed him, making sure that i sleep as much as possible. he is such an amazing dad. it's amazing to see how comfortable he is with oliver right from the start compared to how tentative and nervous he was when bea was born. he is a skilled professional now. superdad, if you will.
i'm physically feeling much better now, a week later, with only a little bit of pain leftover from my stitches but that's basically it. sticking to my detailed birthplan made an ENORMOUS difference and i had a completely normal recovery, free of extreme swelling and distended bladders and foley catheters and all that ugly stuff. i didn't realize i could feel so normal so soon after having a baby and it is such a blessing. i am so grateful to have such a healthy recovery this time! it has really taken my stress levels down a notch, so that's good.
i could NEVER have made it through all of this without the help of my family and my in-laws. they have all been so helpful and have confirmed that we have definitely made the right choice in coming out here to be closer to them. is being in utah hard? it is. i look out the windows and don't see any tall trees for miles and my heart sinks a little as i remember that i now live in a desert, thousands of miles from new york, but the trade-off of being close to family is invaluable and i am so grateful to be here. i hope i get used to it soon. i hope i get used to a lot of things. luckily, life is not a race and i have all the time in the world to figure this out.
seriously.
this month has hands down been the absolute CRAZIEST month of my adult life. bar none. no competition. i'm surprised we made it through alive and in one piece. my mind is blown. let's take a look, shall we?
May 23: my mother flies to connecticut to help us prepare for the movers to come wrap up our house
May 27: mom, bea, and i fly to utah on the longest travel day of my life. if you want to avoid crusties from every human in an airport, don't fly after 36 weeks pregnant. actually, how about just never fly in your third trimester? it is miserable and awful and i will never do it again (also i will never be pregnant again. beside the point.) luckily, with the help from my amazing mom, bea was completely entertained and i at least got to read in peace during the flights (there were two.) rather than wrangle a disoriented toddler.
May 28: we pick up my sister (who has last-minute returned home early from her mission due to a nasty case of mono) from the airport
May 29: i begin house-hunting with my mom, sister, and daughter in tow
June 1: i meet with my new OB/GYN, we go over my birth plan, which is very specific because we want to avoid the horrible recovery i had after delivering bea, all looks good. we make weekly appointments until i deliver.
~somewhere in here, i buy a minivan~
June 5: movers pack up our CT apartment and load up the truck with the estimated utah arrival window set to "june 9-29" awesome. gotta love some precision.
June 6: our car back in CT is loaded up to be shipped to utah with an esitmated arrival window of "2 to 20 days". again, with the precision. loving it.
June 7: Bradley FINALLY joins us in utah
June 9: bradley and i sign a lease on a home in sandy that will remain empty until our movers decide to get here
June 10: bradley's first day on the new job! lots of fun, lots of excitement. he's a happy dude.
~i am extremely uncomfortable and hugely pregnant~
June 14: i turn 26! adulthood! happy birthday to me!
June 15: i go to the dr. i'm 1 cm dilated and 50% effaced! progress is being made!
June 16-18: i waste away in 39 weeks pregnant misery
Friday June 19: i watch paul blart mall cop with the fam. i have consistent contractions the whole time and several hours after! could this be it?! i call the hospital. they say don't come in unless you can't talk through your contractions. they don't admit you unless your water has broken or you are at a 5 (?!WHAT!). i stay at home. contractions stop by 5 am.
 |
| my mom kept following me around friday to take pictures of how ridiculous i looked bc i was so big. isn't she great? |
Saturday June 20: contractions continue on and off throughout the day, in the evening severe back pain sets in. is this the dreaded back labor? it is pretty much the most painful thing ever. i don't sleep all night.
 |
| i had my surge of energy that day. i still haven't gotten it back... |
Sunday June 21: back pain continues throughout the day, contractions are on and off but not regular. (somewhere in here brad gets the phone call saying, hooray! the movers will be at the house tomorrow morning at 8 am!) by evening the back pain gets too much to bear, it's constant, unlike contractions, and i'm getting to the point where it hurts so bad it's hard to speak. at 8 pm we call the dr on call, who says to come to the hospital, get checked, and if i'm not yet to a 5 we could always call my dr to ask permission to induce me. sounds legit. bradley and i go to the hospital (a 45 minute drive. with contractions and supposed back labor. not fun.)
we get there, they check me, and i'm at 3.5 cm, 80% effaced. not enough to admit me, esp since my contractions are still so inconsistent. the nurse asks about the nature of my back pain and then whacks me in the back. it hurts SO bad it knocks the wind out of me. she says it seems not like back labor but a kidney problem and sends my urine for a culture. turns out i have a UTI?! no other symptoms except the kidney pain, no fever, no pain urinating, no blood in the urine. we are stumped. the pain flares up again so they give me pain pills and antibiotics for the UTI, which i promptly vomit up because i am in so much pain and they also didn't give me anything to eat with them and it's midnight at this point and i haven't eaten since 5. they try again, but i am still writhing in pain, whereupon they give me a fentanyl drip in my arm. it lasts an hour whereupon they tell me to rest while they wait to hear from my doctor about whether or not they can induce me. an hour later, the fentanyl drip wears off and i am again in excruciating pain, when the midwife concludes that i most likely have a kidney stone that has caused my infection, that it is agitated by the baby's movements and my contractions, and that is the source of the pain i'm feeling, and the only way to deal with it is pain management and trying to pass the stone and kill the infection with antibiotics. oh and to get the baby out asap. since they still haven't heard back from my doctor about inducing me, she won't be in until 8 am, and their policy says they can't keep me for longer than 6 hours without admitting me officially, they decide to send me home at 4 am, crying hysterically in pain, with a prescription for pain pills that i can't fill until 2 hours after the current ones wear off because there are no 24 hour pharmacies for miles. yay. we return to my mom's house. she is outraged that we have been sent home but tucks me in and tells me to try and get some rest. my back settles down enough for me to get some rest around 5 am.
Monday June 22: at 6 am my back flares up again, tears ensue, bradley wakes up and has to head down to sandy to meet the movers. i drift off but wake up again at 7 screaming and throwing up from the back pain. mother has had enough, she calls the hospital in a rage demanding they take me back immediately and admit me and at the very least get me some pain relief. the midwife who attended to me the night before says mother is completely right, the hospital's policy is ridiculous, i should never have been sent home in that condition, to bring me back immediately and we will get that baby out and fix that kidney. i get a blessing from my dad so i can endure the long drive to the hospital and my back settles down. my dad brings bea to my in-laws for the day, and mom, abby and i head to the hospital and make it there in one piece.
we check in and they are all wildly accommodating, saying they are expecting me, they've talked to my dr, they will admit me immediately, give me an immediate epidural after giving me iv pain meds to relieve my back, and start pitocin once my dr arrives. my nurse is awesome. i am making a mental note now that i still need to send her a gift. we call brad and tell him i'm going to be induced like right now and to make it over as soon as the movers are done. he is very excited and says they are almost done (at this point it's like 10:30 am) and he will grab something to eat and then head over
my doctor arrives, the epidural kicks in, my back is finally somewhat relieved (it doesn't completely go away because my kidney goes slightly higher than where the epi goes in, but it is significantly reduced. eventually it goes away at some point in the day.) she checks me, i'm at a 4 and 80%, the pitocin starts at about 11 am. THE BABY IS COMING SOON!
abby ducks out of the hospital for a bit for an appointment somewhere. my dad works at the university so he pops in for a bit to keep us company. brad makes it over by 12:30/1pm. we all hang out and chit chat for a while. abby comes back at like 2, dad leaves. bradley decides that his outfit just won't do for having a baby, because he is in his grubby moving clothes and abby just likes shopping so after i get checked and am decidedly only at a 6, we figure they have time to dart over to the nearby nordstrom rack and grab him a new shirt.
the dr comes in like 45 min later and says i'm at a 9 and 100% effaced, let's prep for pushing! she'll be back in a few to get started! we frantically call brad and abby and tell them to come back. they are checking out and say they will be back soon. we text dad and he comes back. abby and bradley make it back just after the dr comes back in at like 3:45. by just a little after 4, i am all set up to push, and after some great pushes, oliver is born at 4:55!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! the first thing everyone says is "WHOA HE IS HUGE!!!!!" and "I KNEW HE'D HAVE HAIR!!!!"
 |
| pink, purple, and smushy, just how i like em. |
 |
| look at that guy. a natural. and how about that shirt? |
we were wheeled off to the maternity ward, the in-laws came to see the baby with bea in tow, she was a little bewildered but mostly excited. and after that, honestly it's a blur, i do not remember most of the rest of that day. 3 sleepless days and nights ending with the biggest feat of humanity takes a lot out of you. the rest of the hospital stay was (thankfully!) uneventful compared to last time, they scanned my kidney and it was clear of any stones so we suppose it either came out in my catheter (which they searched each time they emptied it and didn't catch anything but they could have missed it) or that my kidney was just extremely inflamed from the UTI and the baby's constant agitating it and my contractions were exaggerating the inflammation pain. good news is, i do not have to pass a kidney stone unassisted. hallelujah.
we came home on wednesday, my mother in law was at our new home with bea waiting for us, and bea was SO EXCITED to see baby brother again. we walked in the door and she ran up to us screaming "OLIVER!!!!!!!!!!" it was painfully adorable. the house was in surprisingly good shape considering the movers had only come 2 days before. my mom and mother in law and brad had been working feverishly while i was in the hospital to get things more or less ready for us to settle in by the time we got home. over the next few days, i laid around a lot and my mom and bradley finished unpacking our house. by saturday, everything was done! hooray! i still have a little organizing projects to do here and there but it looks like we've been here forever. and brad still has a whole week left of paternity leave! i am very excited for this week because it feels like a do-over come-home week from the hospital. now that we don't have a ton of moving tasks to do, we can finally relax and focus on getting used to becoming a family of four.
this post has mainly been a "facts only" post because i honestly don't have the energy to write about all the feels i'm having right now. i am all over the place emotionally. a lot of it is post partum hormones (let's be real, most of it), but obviously all these changes happening at once has thrown me (and bea) completely for a loop. i'm sure it's thrown brad too but he has totally been our rock in this situation since getting to utah and i am eternally grateful. luckily, oliver has followed in his sister's footsteps and is a fantastic sleeper. he would sleep through the night if we let him, but he needs to get back to his enormous birth weight before we can let him do it. so he does 4 hour stretches at night, brad wakes up at 2:30 and 6:30 to feed him, making sure that i sleep as much as possible. he is such an amazing dad. it's amazing to see how comfortable he is with oliver right from the start compared to how tentative and nervous he was when bea was born. he is a skilled professional now. superdad, if you will.
i'm physically feeling much better now, a week later, with only a little bit of pain leftover from my stitches but that's basically it. sticking to my detailed birthplan made an ENORMOUS difference and i had a completely normal recovery, free of extreme swelling and distended bladders and foley catheters and all that ugly stuff. i didn't realize i could feel so normal so soon after having a baby and it is such a blessing. i am so grateful to have such a healthy recovery this time! it has really taken my stress levels down a notch, so that's good.
i could NEVER have made it through all of this without the help of my family and my in-laws. they have all been so helpful and have confirmed that we have definitely made the right choice in coming out here to be closer to them. is being in utah hard? it is. i look out the windows and don't see any tall trees for miles and my heart sinks a little as i remember that i now live in a desert, thousands of miles from new york, but the trade-off of being close to family is invaluable and i am so grateful to be here. i hope i get used to it soon. i hope i get used to a lot of things. luckily, life is not a race and i have all the time in the world to figure this out.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
