Mom Lesson #1

Being a nanny/babysitter is a great way to pick and choose methods for raising your own kids. It's like dating other families...kind of. Anyway. Bradley and I learn a lot when we are doing overnight stays with other people's children. Some things we pick up are ok for some families, and wouldn't work for others. Some things are simply universal. For instance, we have learned that it's important to let little kids do chores themselves (no matter how bad/sloppy you think their bed looks when they make it), so that they realize that their chores are their responsibility, and that no one is responsible to perfect it/pick up after it. It results in more responsible, self-reliant children.
Most of the time, we learn about these tips via poor experiences (i.e Children of certain perfectionist mothers, regardless of being encouraged to do chores, never helping out around the house.)
I figured a blog would be a good place to vent about these types of things...SO, for today:

Mom Lesson #1 is:

LEAVE YOUR CHILDREN WITH A SITTER AT LEAST TWICE A MONTH!

First of all, don't you want to get out every once in a while? Go on a date! Have a lunch bunch with the ladies! Take one child out for some one on one time! Do anything you want, but let those kids understand what time away from mom feels like! Because guess what, there will be a time when you have to go do something. And you won't be able to take your kids. SO someone else will have to stay with them. And you are not doing anyone any favors by training your kids to collapse without you. I understand that it's very tempting as a mom to want to be the only one your child loves or trusts, and the only one who can truly "understand or control" your child. But guess what? That is INCREDIBLY unhealthy. As a sitter and nursery worker at church, I cannot tell you how many times a child will scream incessantly for 2 straight hours because they saw mom walk out the door. By sheltering your child with constant companionship, you create a paralyzing anxiety in your child that will kick in whenever you are out of sight. Not only will it cause your child to be considerably frightened and angry, it will make whoever you leave him with 100% incapable of consoling him. So when you get back, and your child is screaming and the sitter is exhausted, it's not because your child and you "just have such a great, close relationship".  It's because your relationship is smothering, toxic, and one-sided. The only person who benefits from that relationship is you. You aren't doing anyone any favors, least of all your child.

Why at least twice a month? Don't you WANT a break twice a month? Child-rearing is the most rewarding thing a woman can do, but you can't do it if you're running on empty. Rejuvenate with some quiet time (or fun time!) alone or with a friend (or spouse!) You will feel better, you'll have energy to get back in the game, and you'll have given your kids some value time with someone else. You're doing them a favor; you're erasing/preventing the anxiety for that time when you have to be gone, and they have to stay home. You relax, they learn to relax. It's a win-win.

Man oh man. Feels good to vent.