When no one was watching

I was having a rough week. Tired every day, hard to wake up, even harder to make breakfast, too tired at school drop off, and could not even with dinner time. The kids were constantly fighting (either that or running around screaming like animals). They had too much screen time, which made it worse. I was yelling more than I should have been. My house was a mess. It was a cycle that was hard to break.

Then, on Thursday while Bea was at school, Ollie took a long, long nap. 

And instead of waking up whining and screaming, he woke up with his scratchy post nap voice calling quietly “mama, mama??”

I went in to find him sitting quietly in his bed reaching out his arms to snuggle with me.

He spent his whole diaper change saying “i love you mommy! I am your best, cute boy! Ever ever ever!” We had the sweetest conversation, with lots of "I love you's" and "you are so cute's!" (from both parties). 

I went to bring his blanket back to his bed and noticed his phone was on. The camera was open. It had been recording video for 12 minutes. Turns out he had turned it on before calling out for me to get him. I laughed to myself and turned it off so we could go pick up Bea from school.

I watched it later that night and listened to my conversation with Ollie after I went in to get him up. It was such a sweet tender moment, and it melted my heart! 

How perfect he was to set that record button right when i needed it! It was nice to replay that sweet moment after having such a long frustrating week. He could easily have recorded a fight with Bea or a temper tantrum he had for me but instead we ended up with a sweet video of us having the cutest little conversation. It was a light in a dark week. It was a great little shove to get me out of the cranky Mom funk I’d been in. 

Being reminded that you can, in fact, be pleasant with your children is that tiny glimpse out of the “Mom melancholy” and a leg up to getting Mom-hood somewhat under control (I mean is it ever, really?) Remembering that, instead of a cranky Mom with nice moments, you are a nice mom with cranky moments is so, so important. Then you're able to rein everything in and stop feeling bad about yourself and letting the Mom Guilt creep in (as many of us do all too much).

You're a good mom. Even when you think no one's watching.