the mother island

this is kind of an embarrassing post to write but it's been on my mind a lot lately.

motherhood is a lonely business.

i feel like a pathetic idiot dork writing that. i really do.

it's not that i don't have friends, because i think i do. and some of them i get to see frequently, but most of them i don't. it's just hard. schedules never match up. evening rolls around and we're all too tired for a girls' night or i feel guilty at the notion of leaving brad with the kids for bedtime all alone, so i NEVER make evening plans with girl friends (with the exception of my awesome visiting teachers who are my girls' night gal pals. truly, real inspiration brought us together. we have a great time.)

so i do a lot of stuff alone. i guess it just goes with the territory as a mom. maybe there are some moms who are always surrounded by supportive women all the livelong day and don't have to do anything alone but maybe that's just some pipe dream that doesn't really ever happen. honestly, i really enjoy doing a lot of things alone (i work out exclusively alone. i even like going to some kid activities alone.) but sometimes the day in, day out isolation is suffocating.

i went a week last week without seeing any friends. which, added to brad being out of town across the country, wore me weary. i felt so, so painfully alone. even though in the back of my mind i knew there were people out there who wanted to be my friend, in the moment, i felt like i had no one. the feeling of loneliness was real and palpable. and honestly, i don't think i'm the only mom who feels like this a lot.

i've been working really hard to figure out how to combat the loneliness of being a younger mom with smaller children. i think i get into a funk where i feel alone but get too "in my head" to reach out to people, which i think a lot of moms do too. we assume other moms are probably far too busy or would rather be doing something else than hanging out with us, so we just don't reach out. which just needs to stop. i need to ball up and make plans and set dates. i need to get rid of the notion that other people just aren't interested in spending time with me and my kids. so i'm going to try to set legit goals to make plans with people and nip the lonely-bug in the bud the SECOND it creeps in. i don't have room for it, and there's no real excuse to let it happen anymore. who's with me?!

and for the record, if you're reading this: i'm not too busy to hang out with you. i'd love to hang out with you. reach out.